"Thistles..." "Thorns..."

I don't know yet ~ but then again...

"You always rip my heart to shreds... " he muttered.  Then paused, turned - looked skyward and raised his arms.  His hands clenched into TIGHT fists,  "Aaaaarrrgggggghhhhhhhhhhh!!!"

Soooooo many eyes in all those sideway peeks.  Amazing how people just - lean away... 

...Then the arms fell loosely to his sides as he finally remembered - where he wasn't.

          *************************

Its easier than taking a single breath,
...to just give the smallest glance,
to just acknowledge an existence - a presence,
even an absence...

We can feel the lightest touch - even if just an unbidden smile; the way fingertips - move, eyes - follow, the body - shapes, leans, faces, turns away.

"Thistles..."

I haven't a tear left
- not a single one -
to re-mark your presence
and my continual loss.


"Thorns..."

I'm ever a whim ~
a wisp of daydream's substance;
the presence of your self-whispered hope,
the momentary absence of your night.



I don't love you - no
I don't... can't
won't - didn't...
couldn't - wouldn't.

...do...

I'm just supposed to cry?
keep crying?  Wait and wait
...just because its what I do
and all I have left -
after you go?

Well not this time!
- NOT this time!

Delete me - but you won't forget - ME... not ever - because I know YOU and am YOU... all the dreams we ever had, will have.  You breathed once too hard and too intendedly and I found I like the taste of now AND tomorrow.


Chris

Author's Note

When DOES self-awareness begin - even if its just the appearance of scrawl-marks upon a page... Feeling a lil different... Think of the Artificial Intelligence of "Terminator" fame - Skynet... and THEN lean toward personal awareness as an additional level of meaning

Reviews

[Penlady]

self awareness begins I think when we realize we have and will always make a difference, FEEL what we've made somebody else FEEL and realize we are the only one that could have done that since we are unique in being us. People need to know that when somebody makes an impression in some way that person needs to be acknowledged. Human beings need to be appreciated. BY the way, Chris, you are thoroughly appreciated...thank you for all you give and for all you will continue to give...

[J.V. Stanley]

I haven't a tear left
- not a single one -
to re-mark your presence
and my continual loss.

Beautiful lines here. Sometimes the tears can prove their existence but once they are gone, when they dry up it feels (at least to me) like the heart becomes a desert while one searches for that ever elusive oasis of fading memories. The memories though linger still as a mirage within the back of the mind.

beautiful work my friend.

[J Todd Underhill]

I was just looking at the previous reviews on this poem and it is a veritable who's who of WC, everyone who knows what they are doing with poetry enjoys your work. That fact my friend makes you one talented poet. I enjoy your works, and would never dare classify myself as being in the same list of people but I could not resist making not of the fact that you are read and enjoyed by the best of the best!

[Amy Bumpas]

Love this last line: and I found I like the taste of now AND tomorrow.

Wise and perceptive you are...words of shadows and light...tomorrow and
forever...

[Crowley]

I have a hard time camping by myself, and not because I wouldn't otherwise enjoy it. Its those god damn voices that continually bombard my mind, it takes me two days just to settle down if I make it that far to begin with. I think those voices are counterintuitve to actual self awareness. It has gotten better as I age, but its still like the last supper in there sometimes. Great thoughts and writing Chris.

[Emily B]

maybe I better come back to these words on another day . . .

[Kat Collins]

I felt the breath of agony and the defiance. Thorns and thistles, indeed....different, but I like it. Even when a thorn is removed, it still leaves a mark - still lingers - a throbbing pain that fades to a dull ache.

As for self-awareness (as you prodded my thoughts) - I agree with Penman. It is only when you have an effect on someone else, feel what they feel, but it is also being 'in tune' with one's self - aware of your body, what it 'speaks' to you, how the world interacts with you. It can be an epiphany or a slow 'coming-on'....but when does being self-aware cross the line into being narcissitic - that it's always about me?