"A Series Of Thoughts - A Love I Deserve..."

Tangent thoughts...

The thoughts of this one came as I meandered within and beyond - Joiedevivre's "Undeserving".  I instinctively understood (I believe) her word/thought flow and then tangents began to fire.  Reasons and reasonings and all the myriad pathways of possible began to surface... and this one flowed.

"A Love I Deserve..."

Isn't it strange how a woman seldom sees nor wants the heart that is offered from fingertips softly shaking... and how somehow everyone else NOTICES the poor fool and "tsktsktsks" him into non-existence and fooldom.  Its the 'bad' boy that so HOLDS the eyes, minds, and senses.  The one that steps through people left and right - and is always somehow bigger than life.  He seemingly dares the 'gods' that be to slow him down or hold him back.  And you soooooo want to be noticed as you strut beside him and visibly lock his arm in your hands... its YOU thats captured THIS one...YOU that holds HIM - no one else!!!  And that Queen's IMPERIOUS Gaze out and over the subjugated masses! And YOU OWN him until he reminds you who really owns who and what BEING the 'Bad Boy' is all about... and IF you survive the learning - and IF you remain, waiting... well, trophies get dusty and shelved and boxed away.  And sometimes its lots and lots of trophies all jumbled together in a wastebin - glistening in their dark, gleaming a bit whenever the lid is opened and more trophies poured out and into - the fold.

And farther in the darkness, the ones that weren't - bigger than themselves or standouts or the-singled-outs or even ever anything-noticed-at-all quietly exist.  They barely see the light so far above - blocked by all the dreams they never touched... or that didn't touch them.

************************************

I framed this as a man's thought...but it really isn't, is it?  Its a PERSON'S thoughts... genderless, maybe hope-less or -full, depending on a given day or even time.  And maybe it was love on outstretched fingertips - though we know "Desire" also fits as does hope and wish, even dream.  We want the notice...the NOTICE of the one we WANT to notice US, and it often doesn't matter in the least - to us - what or whom our other surroundings are... until our world somehow crashes and we fall until softly caught and allowed to start breathing again.  And then it begins again... "NOTICE ME!!!"

***********************************

"...The Love I deserve..."

I can so softly cradle your head to my chest
and so gently rock and hold you as you weep.
I can watch your tears as they flow to places
so deep and endlessly wide that never, ever, fill.

I can let our tears intermingle there and finally touch
each other's souls as only dreams allow.
I can humm lil sounds you never hear and
whisper all the spoken words I never heard.

As my lips caress your pale and shaking hand,
I understand now about Love AND ... deserve.

Chris

Author's Note

thoughts being explored

Reviews

[Ruth]

Because something can be offered that gives connection to not only love but being human - understanding xx

[olla]

I learned the truth at seventeen.. most of us did.. it just took longer to believe it.. and still the heart will hope..

[J. J. Nightingale]

We know what the Bad Boy has and has not .. But still the attraction of the wild untamed beast , is so very strong .. We just have to taste that forbidden fruit, even though we know we will pay through the heart later .. I have been close to only one such beast .. And I still do not regret the ride ! .. .. he got that undeserved love .. Sometimes I wonder why ..

Jazzy ...................

[An Ordinary Woman]

....and yes! you *DO* deserve!

[An Ordinary Woman]

So often this is true, I know. But I never really went for the bad boy but I never fell for the super sweetheart either. ahhh but age and wisdom taught me well when finally I paid attention. I'm happy to say I'm happy to say. lol It's lovely!

and thanks for the kind review!

[Kat Collins]

Hmmm...why is it we spurn the love so freely given and try to win the love that's locked away, tough, wild? Sometimes, it's not the weakness of loving someone unavailable, but the power of controlling someone so wild. Knowing you have the ability to make someone so strong, so weak....it's the thrill, the decadence, the guilty addiction - the knowing look in the eyes as a person pretends to be innocent at what they do. Don't let those fool you who say it's because of their troubled pasts, weak constitutions, or innocent wide-eyed wonder....they know what they're doing - I know what I'm doing...and why...and how....that said, the sweet love of adoration, waiting faithfully for us to stop being so blinded by our own ignorance...look at it, treasure it, and know that all you have to do is stop, take a breath, and you will see what your heart desires right before your very eyes.

[Joiedevivre]

Although my poem was really not at all about 'bad boys', which is really not the criterion upon which attraction turns for me, i loved reading your thoughts as provoked. Wonderfully expressed.

[Liza]

smoothly said; rough topic - insightful - enjoyed the contrasts of delight and disgust.

I am getting over for years my bad boy syndrome; i can only share where it stemmed from in my life. Absence of father; overprotective mother, an environment of boys being raised or not raised (just let loose) to fend for themselves.

On top of that; my mother is a strong woman; who married the bad boy and divorced him when it was too much to handle. Only ways I really got to know him was through her perception and then some unpredicted visits that triggered me to just be the "good girl" because i wanted his love and his presence was momentary relief from an endless longing -

Being viewed as both the bad girl and good girl from experience; i realize this...its about the challenge to the human pysche....we either want to work for love or we want someone to work for our love - we barely ever appreciate what comes easy because we don't believe we deserve it or its worth it...

fortunately or unfortantely we all learn thru pain and in doing things wrong to get them right....

[emmajoy]

Good boy, bad boy .. wise women learn which they need - not want, once their hearts have been broken a few times! Maybe it's a case of love for love's sake because it includes admiration that rarely lasts and excitment that palls, VERSUS loving another person because he or she is that 'other' person, that other half you've been searching for and magically, found. Just re-read your poem and see you allude to 'trophies', yes, that's what so many look for and infers the need for admiration to feed the something that shouldn't be there .. greed perhaps!

Chris, you wipe the smirk off so many faces with your thoughts, but find a way of making people feel happy all the way through!

[Teri B]

Speaking a a man...tell me, do you suppose there are "bad boys' with soul, like the one in your poem?

More thoughts to explore...