"Footsteps..."

"I wrote this and posted it many places over the years... I have also spoken DIRECTLY regarding this subject in lecture halls and from podiums.  The validity has NOT changed a bit.  What part of:  "I live just next door."... don't you understand?"

***************************************

Hi... I've went through a pot of coffee, just catching up with where my friends and other PEOPLE have been since last night and still haven't...sigh.  Guess I never will, but what the hell - at least they will know someone cared enough to even try.

The weather here is changing again - as it always does, of course.  Leaving my head pounding away.  I'm a better weather barometer than most can find in a store... and I ALWAYS know when the weather changes - good or bad.  I've a much more than fair tolerance for pain and it actually helps anyway - keeps me focused with consciously trying to ignore myself so I don't 'wallow' in me so much that I can't see or hear another person.

I won't lie and say I haven't sat(?) sort of curled into a little ball in a corner of a room/closet/space that I've purposely made just as dark as I can because ANY light at all adds to the pain passing through - just that, at least that level of 'ouch' is most thankfully the rare exception and not my norm.  But heck, pain HURTS - so you deal as best you can as you can.  Sort of helps you remember that any PAIN hurts… and especially not just the physical.  There is a lot of emotional pain out here, and confusion as well.  I witness it every day both in what some call the real world and within the Internet space I chance to wander through.

People just don't seem to understand that the Internet space is quite real and IS just a mirror or window into the rest of the world on the other side of the walls surrounding them as they sit at a computer.  The Internet is NOT anonymous! - ever!  And I don't understand why it is that most people think that it (the 'net') is.  They seem to understand that their telephones are a (seemingly) private but quite real connection to the person they specifically dial and thereafter speak with; hence, THAT person is real to them.  They treat that person as real; react to what that person SAYS as real.  Today's level of technology allows for 'conference' calls too, more than one person at the same time, interconnected on one seeming telephone line.  Each person speaks - sometimes more than one AT THE SAME TIME, and all the others hear and react.  Sometimes each person on the line knows all the others personally, but sometimes not.  People pay a monthly fee for a private, uniquely numbered, telephone connection… key words to this sentence are "uniquely numbered".  EVERY computer connected to the Internet (for however brief an instant) is uniquely electronically identified - always.  Each connection - telephone or computer, does tie to a specific name and location/place/address, so does e-mail (Yahoo, Hotmail, whatever). 

I'm not trying to make this a techno discussion or learning 'paper' and I really, really could without any problem at all.  I have the ability, skill, knowledge, AND background to do that and in-fact HAVE done just that - in the past… what I'm saying is that I'm quite real - a real honest-to-myself-and-whatever-god-I-may-hold-within - person.  I am not a figment of imagination or a fictional character within a book found in Barnes and Noble, or B. Daltons, or any such store.  I could be your neighbor… I could be the person that bumped you as you walked by at the mall; the person sitting beside, or in the row in front or behind you - at the movies; that idiot that cut you off on the highway.

I might be kneeling beside you at church; one of the faceless crowd you see gathered around a grave on Memorial Day as TV crews flit back and forth reporting the 'events'; I could be your boss, or any one of your employees; a classmate, teacher, even a 'bestest' friend.  I could be a kid, though in truth this level of writing is a tad beyond what many adults could do.  But, teasing aside, I'm well past childhood though at times I guess I am a kid inside, you can grow up inside at a different rate of time passing or even never at all. 

Basically, what I wanted this "thought" to do is hold you long enough to actually realize

YOU

have just actually LISTENED

to someone other than yourself

whether or not you actually realized it while you read down this page.

I

Am
A

Real

Person

Not a dream or an imaginary character or that bit of lint held on your blouse or shirt by static.  I actually breathe, think, talk, feel, and have feelings… just like EVERY OTHER PERSON here, using the Internet, to reach beyond themselves. 

"Footsteps..."

Its lonely, it really is…

lonely…here

at times.

And that's ok - it really is.

Sometimes you NEED that space

to feel and appreciate

the presence of someone -

even anyone…

sometimes.

But lonely doesn't always mean

you are alone…

understand?

It just means that for this particular moment

wherever you may be -

you FEEL or perceive an isolation

from anyone or everyone

or everything

for any reason you may have -

or even no reason at all.

And with that realization in mind

or even with no forethought whatsoever,

I and sometimes you - reach beyond ourselves

somehow,

and we find so many of ourselves out here

feeling

the way we do.

And each of us -

each

of

us

IS a person,

not a figment of imagination

or a dream.

And yet, some are so damn mean,

and they alone know why they have to be

the way they are… But some

are people so unlike the ones

near us in our everyday living -

so unlike anyone we've actually ever known at all

that they make us pause

and take a breath

before we continue

or even CAN continue

on our paths…

And some ARE people just like the ones
we know and talk with

everyday…

And some ARE the people

we know and talk with - everyday.

Living isn't easy

and it isn't fair -

and I know that,

and so do you.

But we do it as we can,

as best we can.

I am quite real

and so ARE you.

Chris

Author's Note

life

Reviews

[bob, small b. aka invs]

i've never understood those who feel that the world of the internet is simply a game to role play through. where people are targets or playthings and feelings are dismissed. "it's not like it was real life". for some of us, this cyber world is very real indeed. i have made friends here that will be with me forever. i have fallen in love here. i have mourned the loss of acquaitances i never met in person. i have rejoiced in other's joys and despaired in other's grief. these things are as real as any 'real life' events. i am the same person online as i am offline. perhaps a bit more bold, but essentially the same. and i expect the same of others. sadly, i'm sometimes disappointed, but humanity is like that.

[Ruth]

Five words...with such respect...

I needed to absorb this...

[olla]

I don't know if I really thought about what I was going to find here.. I just knew I needed to interact with people and was not willing to commit to the community I found myself in.. I didn't expect to stay here..and I thought I was going to need PORTABLE friends.. I guess I was thinking along the lines of modern pen-pals.. but it turned out to be so much more..

[Kat Collins]

At times, people are more REAL on here than anywhere else. It is easier to draw closer than in reality for one can avoid looking into the eyes - BUT fear of rejection, of hurt, is still the same.

YOU are real...to me....

[sharonlee]

I have always loved this one.

Shar

[Teri B]

I love the stream-of-consciousness way that you write. What you're thinking is so central to it, and I enjoy seeing the thinking happen before my eyes.

[Emily B]

I think somebody asked me if I was real once . . . and I often think to ask someone magical and new if they could possibly be . . . real . . . amazing what the universe holds in store for us on special days when we reach beyond ourselves and find someone

[Collect-Eye]

speaking as someone who's had life-altering experiences feeling someone's pain from hundreds
sometimes I can feel their feelings even stronger than they can from miles away, crying their tears..to the point, I become an unreal force in their minds
Oh I know
sometimes I detach and observe
but I always know they are really, even when they hide behind a persona
whoever concocted the notion that spirit and mind are less real than flesh, I can't understand it
good observation and explanation

[J Todd Underhill]

This was a piece that captivated me, I have felt this way for years. I think it should be prescribed reading for anyone using an internet connection, not matter what the purpose. I run into cybebullies all the time. Whether it be here, or at other poetry sites, online poker games and the like, chat rooms. and I think if they only knew me for who I was in real life they would not treat me that way. But of course that is not true as there are bullies in real life, and people who take advantage, It happens less to me in off line than on line, but the Psuedo Anonymous nature of being online gives people "False Bravado" and therefore they think that they can (And usually do) get away with it. I just block those people and keep my attention focused on those who deserve my attention. Great write!

[Larry Dyson]

Hi Real LIfe Bud.....glad you are in My Life...where and when ...ever..Laury

[Emily B]

I'm so glad that you are real . . . so glad to find you in this place