"Down..."

Its the 'night-time' of morning, and my coffee isn't quite ready yet.  I'm sitting here - in the kitchen for a bit - thinking, remembering the night... a cold and still awaitingly-empty mug in hand. 

"It was an event-full sleep, I was DOING things I felt had meaning - important things, worthwhile things, things worth the doing that I SHOULD remember having done.  I felt justifiable pride - not of arrogance or meannesses or the I-HAVE-and-YOU-don't-or-won't kind.  I can still describe the things I achieved - BECAUSE, their achieval was tangible and not just the intangible striving-toward-doing that is all so many others have to remember."

...During my life I have been a part of many things, happenings, and a witness to so very many more.  I have crossed upon so very many paths - interacted, affected, effected... an unbelievable (to others) amount of ripples upon the 'waters' of life.  ...the coffee is ready now!

"I felt the tired - but it was with accomplishment, I DID things!  I achieved, reached goals, met REAL commitments... and the smile is still in my soul."    Try to understand - please... this IS important to me.

It wasn't a dream of 'wanting' or 'desire'...  or of frustrations, decisions needing making...  or about people I had known, worked with, been with, or even wished I had been with or known.  It wasn't about worry or about trying or needing to try harder.  Or about failures... or even successes... I hadn't WON a thing or LOST - anything at all.  And I know 'Ownership' - really - it HAS a meaning and I HAVE had it.

The sky is just brightening a bit.  The coffee is good.  My eyes are filling? and my heart seems paused and this second of SADNESS is so overwhelming... damn, I feel a tear leaking, flowing unimpeeded down and down and

"Down..."

Silence -

so hard it hurts
and echoes

and I shiver as
my hands shake

intense

eyes WIDE to the
next breath
that won't come
but isn't needed...

I can't describe the scents -
sense them
KNOW them
feel and somehow TASTE them...
but not describe

I can feel the TEAR
and know its      falling
somewhere
                   AWAY
as it DOES
                   fall
somewhere away -
from my now.

...and the pause has ended -
life's dream complete...

My time seems measureably
'shorter'.

Chris

Author's Note

Speak as you like - I am not thin-skinned

Reviews

[keith]

not sure i have seen this interesting form before but it looks familiar
matters not for it captured my attention(s)
so easy to fall into sensory overload
'night-time' of morning like now at 4 or so
it is 'my' time always has been ... habit routine? it's simply when i wake i get up

i do not remember when i had last dream or recall
i don't think i do ... my mind my imagination are so active during waking hours i think my brain sleeps when i do ... i have 90-minute cycle

many times have tears been a concentrated point
i have written using tears as metaphor or simply to make an abstract point
the big question ... rather the answer is out there
it is fleeting and easy to not take notice

a most interesting write from days past that are fuel to find other thought-provoking reads

[Chris]

Good morning. I appreciate your pause and viewing...Come by anytime.

[Kathy Van Kurin]

Chris,
Your life going back, maybe being processed forward somehow in your visions of the night; I get that! "Down" is a fitting title as feel the remnants, touches of the meaning within your life as you have lived, loved and contributed. I love how you structured this poem it helps to convey the movement of feeling. Of course the tear segments are really powerful. I get so much out of poetry like this.............Thank you so much! Kathy

[Chris]

I'm glad you paused with me Kathy... and appreciate your thoughts.

[Kathy Van Kurin]

Glad to of had the pleasure and hope to again..........Bye for now..........Kathy

[J. Hampton]

Ive never been one to bounce out of bed on the first alarm ring...and have always found it difficult to embrace that 1st cup of java as awake can leave me feeling unfinished...or jaggedly aware of ending things without being ...finished ...and finishing things....i dont want to end ...
yet ...some how a sip or two brings me into creating something new to sleep on.

time flys and my wings cant catch up on the false security of decaf ...so i drink and dream better

[Chris]

H'lo again...thought-full place behind-our-eyes...

[Érenn]

Feels like preparing a well brewed coffee might be a lot more productive task if realized. Introspection, false comfort and brutal realization make this poem up. The way it moves from the prose to poem format ,is unique I haven't come across that until now. Still i am a newbie who has entered the world of poetry and have now become part of the learning something new everyday experience. ^^ i loved it. The emotions become truer in the end. They are powerful. And even if they caused me pain, I couldn't help but read it till the end ^^

[Chris]

You picked a good place to pause... I'm glad you came by.

[Emily B]

oh, chris, I am so much better for your influence please don't be making plans to run off any time soon, you are loved

[Chris]

Hi Em... am listening to the ice come down...

[Emily B]

rain here still, slept til four. much needed

[Chris]

Good time for a fireplace and some logs...

[Emily B]

I just put another log in the stove

[Chris]

...and I put on a sweater... chuckling here.

[Emily B]

I pulled a feather comforter on me this morning. I'll be crawling back under it in a few minutes
read moreI pulled a feather comforter on me this morning. I'll be crawling back under it in a few minutes

[Arline]

This piece has me to think that ever moment is well lived and past. Yet still remembered through words. I could see myself sitting with you waiting for that coffee to boil and thinking of things I've done and yet to do. Whatever our lives have in store for us let us live the moment and drink; to a freshly brewed cup of coffee. Amazing!!

[Richard🖌]

With a hot a second mug of lapsang, I read through these wonderments of expressive emotional nuances in vivid metaphorical moment, letting each word, line, verse take hold before the next, and re-reading with smoother, more interactive ease, and I must say I felt a sense of familiarity in the moment.

I suppose one could say this is what excellent poetry does, and (for me and this composition), it would be true.
Chris, I quit coffee a coupl'a decades back, but I still recall the aroma and taste of it upon my tongue, sitting on the front porch in early, candescent moments before dawn.

Beautifully spake, My Friend … thank you for the quiet joy and comfort of memories shared! ⁓ Richard

[Valentine]

Funny how thoughts hit us in the early morning or the middle of the night. Many times the dream like state seems so real we get lost in our thoughts. For me that morning cup of coffee puts me right back into the real world which isn't always as pleasant as my dreamlike state. Valentine

[....................]

well, I dropped by with coffee but see you've already poured one...life is like a coffee brewing and dripping, always taking it's time until the final hiss and we turn to see that it has already passed by but at least the cup remains full and perhaps a little overfull after that tear drops... but it's good coffee...

[Chris]

Yes, it IS good coffee - shared...

[Chris]

ah... my friend.. you have set as I have.. probably many miles in between us and.. the coffee, the stillness in the night but we both know it's not really still is it? Time goes on and even in rest our minds, souls, heart and the edges still keep on keeping on.
I loved it, I felt it and it was like a deep toned drum and bass making music together.

[Chris]

H'lo, nice of you to pause... a lot to see within our eyes and behind them.

yes there is and then after we see, we need to understand and appreciate that which lies within our grasp.