"Rain..."

Sunday morning - it is.  Calendar says so… it does, though this one of mine doesn’t speak aloud as some now do. 

 

I

Am

Not

Depressed.

 

I mean that.  I’m not - so don’t go there - not even in jest.  This is about ME, my now …how I am this morning, today, and yesterday, and many days before that.  About how life has become (and probably for many others as well the more I really think about it).  About where it’s going - maybe, about where we - WE - are going …if - IF - we let it.

 

“Rain…”

 

It's like my mind has numbed out. 

Not depressed,

not much of anything. 

Just me, being …me.

somehow …being

somehow not.

 

Pondering, wandering

meandering

wondering

angering

wanting …something

…nothing…

doing …less

and less…

spurts of more in between.

 

Living…

days

and days

and …days

not sorry-full

not sorry at all

either more or less.

 

Sometimes -

I find myself laying down

- for hours

not asleep

…eyes closed…

mind barely aware

not racing

just …laying there

drifting

aware

drifting

away…

drifting back

into today

into now…

 

Back…

moving,

sitting up

too fast

slowing

moving

walking… balance off, found

wandering to the kitchen - coffee.

Living room - 'puter,

MS Blue screen…

Awareness growing…

growing.

 

Think it through -

making the damn thing work …again,

system up again.

Wander the world

same world

…over…

over.

 

It's cold, chilly

coffee is cold

old

chilly.

I am…cold, old,

chilled…

and yet I am.

 

I hurt,

then I don't

then I'm not

then I am

and all the while

…aware…

but in a thought-full

- not doing-full -

thought-full

…way

but not in a yesterday's way

nor a tomorrow's way.

 

I know today -

the now

…all the questions

…few of the answers

…then I want - something

then find I don't

'til the next - do.

 

I read a book or more a day

years and years

and screened the world - wide

listened

people…

 

Coffee's cold

old…

 

Nothing's silent.

Silence is the presence of everything you know

…everyone you know.

 

You ever miss a Jehovah's Witness?

 

Continuing.

Continuing…

 

Chris

 

Author's Note

feel free

Reviews

[Tina]

Interesting poem its like sometimes we just exist and go through the same routine. That can get boring .. if I'm wrong I'm sorry.. thought the johovah witness part was cute.

[Chris]

Each of us has their own perceptions! Hence no wrong to be sorry over. The Jehovah's Witnesses being missed were sarcastic in a sense and real as well. Here - we were "officially" told that we could NOT go and check on neighbors - after THAT some did anyway, but some fearfully did not... the fear of the state consequences. There have been no Jehova's Witnesses here for over a year.

[Chris]

Oh, and thanks for pausing, hope to see more of you.

[Einstein Noodle]

ahahaha i love that closing sir! oh my goodness .. how do we mark time in self containment??? through the whole read I was waxing meditative and philosophical but that closing line "You ever miss a Jehovah's Witness" is just killer .. thanks for the not depression poem sir .. i am leaving your streets with a smile on me face now! :)
E.
ps. "Rain..." in bold type and interjected by itself after the preceding lines has a big impact on me ... let it rain brother .. let it rain

[bianca]

When I read it, I remembered about the old me. I like your poems and I can see that you put all of your heart into them. I love the fact that poets don't just write something. They create pieces of art and that's why I believe you are talented and I hope I will see more poems of yours. Thank you for sharing it!

[Chris]

Some of my work IS here at Writer's Cafe - about 44 pages worth @ about 8 to a page. Others are available if asked.

[barleygirl]

This is a brave revelatory piece. Most of us are too embarrassed to admit the reality of our boring drudgery & you do so to such a high level of specificity, I was nearly squirming as your spill went on & on. (I'm not criticizing -- far from it!) With a couple of decades of Facebook under our belts, there's an unspoken expectation in society that we all have great exciting lives to show off in public postings with lots of glowing selfies full of togetherness. If you don't have this in your life, so you can show it off to everyone, your postings will sound dreary & you won't get any "likes" . . . a formula for further withdrawal & becoming even more isolated. I'm sorry if this depiction is autobiographical & if feeling this way is a problem for you. But for me, I'm okay with it. My mantra is: "who gives a s**t?" and this sums up my blasé malaise which you detail with the most excruciating honesty. Self-honesty is the foundation for the best writing & this piece is exactly what I mean by that (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[Paul Bell]

Ever miss a Jehovah's witness, strangely enough no.
This year sure has put everyone on the brink, so much so that mental health for once is actually being taken seriously. We all cope in different ways, writing being one of them. We'll get through this, and hopefully monotony will be an exiled word.

[S C]

This is what I remember. Great Pen, Chris!

I deal with similar anxiety and just wanted to be whatever I am- now.

[Diane]

Wow. I have typed two or three different things but keep deleting them. I just wanted to say I like it, and it feels familiar.

[Diana]

"Nothing's silent.

Silence is the presence of everything you know

…everyone you know."- Never thought of it that way. Sometimes it just presses up on us so hard that we can't even hear it any more. Feels good to read your writing again. Take care, Chris.

Diana

[Arundass TP]

Strong lines, beautifully written.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

I have drunk that cold coffee, only in my mind since I hate coffee.
But the old thing is very real...and now I am in that state of being....I am okay then I am not then I am
or maybe just trying to convince myself that I am.

and sometimes I read a book a day....but then I wander off.

Nice Journey...here, although the poem made me shiver a bit.
j.