"10-19-2019..." - The Cafe, Life As We Live It - Series

A morning's thought flow.

“10-19-2019…” - Café Series, Life As We Live It.

 

     I’ve been up a few, wandering a bit …listening, pausing, thinking - is what I’ld call it …now, but passing time was what it was/is overall.  I was giving some thought on being me…  Then I thought …well… what about being you?  There are a lot more you’s than me’s out here.  Then it touched me that there are really a lot more me’s that ARE the you’s …out here.  And the same thoughts felt relevant to the flow.  And then I started “reaching” for the words I had behind my eyes …words I had inside - the right words, real …words… but suddenly I didn’t anymore.  The thoughts flowed so swiftly, so deeply, sooo hurt-fully AND I couldn’t keep up AND anger and sadness filled me.  And I was frustrated because I couldn’t TOUCH the last word that was just THERE and fit my understanding and NEED so well!  Yeah, seems there IS a lot of THAT too - going around isn’t there?

 

     You ever do that - take a bit of a now and just think what It’s like (or means) being you?  And I don’t mean about how OTHERS just(?) see you B U T about how others actually DO treat/respond to/interact with/and I guess yeah - how others see YOU after all, at a given or any perceived moment.  Ouch huh?  Yeah, a lot of bite in THAT one - for even the wary.  And the slights - weren’t just perceived were they?  Nah, they were/ARE …REAL in every sense of meaning to THAT word.  Small, petty, all-out-of-proportion - to what though?  What the hell did I/we do to rain on THEIR parade?? …ever?  Nothing - actually (at least most times).  I didn’t matter to them, not really and likely not ever (depending on time, circumstance, and especially personally) …they mattered to themselves (which is fair ‘cause we ALL matter at least sometimes to ourselves).  Self importance is quite real isn’t it?  Being oblivious isn’t the same as being a “ghost” - cause being a ghost is a personal choice that may be obviated by personal circumstance and/or need, and yet is especially a personal choice.  Being oblivious too someone is THEIR choice about how they “view” (the whole host of meanings) you/me.

 

     And ever notice how getting “attention” is not the same to seemingly “most” people?  …even parents? …especially children/kids (age dependent that one).  Age being that of the one wanting attention and what that person perceives the intended “victim’s” age certifies them to be - child OR kid.  And there are personal and professional slights and some actually achieve both types simultaneously!  Ouch again!  Axes-being-ground are sooo common - and the reasonings needn’t be personal or real or even true (sigh - perceptions, even just an opinion) or anything more than a desire to make someone else “seen” (think 15 minutes of FAME moments).

 

     Sometimes I fool myself about all the slaps I get and have gotten, BUT …so very, very few were earned by my own intention or from any mean or mean-spiritednesses.  I’m NOT a saint - but I am a somewhat caring sinner, if you understand.  Hell, I’ve been clueless socially for near my entire life - and (quite for real) so many others have told me THAT as well - so it isn’t just me.  I didn’t even know how to BUY a clue way back when - and there was head-shaking and laughter and fingers-pointing - but that was just life to me …just “it is what it is” …to me.

 

     I guess we are unique - all the you’s , while they ARE I’s - aren’t me’s (or at least I am not all the you’s out here).  My paths have intersected so very many and my life has been “touched” upon by so very many more.  And I listened along my way.  I shared and helped when and what and as I could …as only I could.

 

My life has been a Poem.

And I’ve spoken aloud

…and stood

…and shared

…and listened

…walked my talk

and been …real.

 

I’ve paused to hold hands -

share paths and passings,

knelt and even prayed at moments that mattered…

and made choices

…and lived with and within their afters.

 

I’ve wondered the world.

Walked places of “Dreams”.

Touched the face of God

…and shared the tears.

 

I remember so many

that I’ll be missed by so few.

And I’ll live on within the “silence”

of Windows Glass.

 

Chris

Author's Note

feel free

Reviews

[barleygirl]

This is an amazing thought-flow, one I might've engaged in at a much younger age, back when I pondered lots of life, but now I find this to be a little self-absorbed, to do this much rambling upon oneself. I much prefer your poetic ending, there you boost yourself up, but it doesn't feel as self-absorbed as the part where you're explaining & justifying in prose that's peppered with all-caps (like yelling your points). The poetic part at the end is a simple statement of how you see yourself in this world, on your path, & it's a good way to feel! Love it! (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[Sara]

The words of a caring sinner are just what I need when looking for inspiration. Thank you for this one, Chris :)

[Chris]

We're human - which means we have flaws and make mistakes ...even at our best.

[Jayson]

reading this piece was a smooth ride enjoyed every moment of it... beautiful piece thanx for sharing

[Chris]

Thanks for pausing with me...

[Holly Mason]

Duck..I am throwing a rock at the you that the windows glass contains . Silence ... never understood the word , it is actually the only word I feel has an undeserved definition. Even if all is quiet dead quiet our minds are still racing with thought ...no silence . I miss the you that we are. Never alone always remembered . Thank you for sharing holly

[Chris]

You've never been an "ouch" - but you HAVE been missed. It IS good to see that you are still present within my existence. Be safe holly ...and well.

[emmajoy]

' I’m NOT a saint - but I am a somewhat caring sinner, if you understand. Hell, I’ve been ... ' If that's the best admission you can say publicly, you've proved your own point!

We can only be who we are, whatever, surely. But some are more than they are because they have that certain something called 'dignity' minus the holy swagger! That, Chris, is you. In all the years of posts, reviews, messages, moments or more shared, have always felt that you are. You;ve taken on all sorts of happenings and people in your life but would never be thought of as
indifferent. Your words here always proved that.

You've 'voiced' such a wonderful exposee of yourself that it walks, head up, like a boy out on his first lone ramble! Your words are laid so free of artifice, more a guy talking to a group of buddies.. one drink to keep him comfy... and you know, that voice, quite, calm, will have them all listening hard.

That penultimate stanza is glorious, gentle, real. Believe me you'll be remembered by more than many for being a true friend and real gentleman. Don't argue.. you will!!!

[Stephany]

And the world is a better place for those who we meet and those who meet us. And while the sentence sounds the same, the meaning is entirely different. I need not explain this to you as you already understand the nuance. Embrace the breath of who you/we/anyone is and wonder will be your/ our constant companion. The world is changed by everyone in it. Some will see the change, some will feel the change, some will embrace it and many will deny it. The denial becomes a mantra of all the whats and ifs, the whos and the whys. Keep writing Chris, it is a privilege to read.

[Chris]

The privilege is mine... always was.

[andrew mitchell]

A fine piece of writing Chris.

[Katrina Mckeown]

I agree with everyone else, your writings are in-depth and touch down into the depths of ones soul Chris , a very meaningful write , thank you for sharing.

[Crowley]

I read an article before traveling to Europe that had do's and don's for americans traveling there. I thought to myself, this can't be that hard, they are people, and we are people. One of the don'ts or the things that they didn't like about Americans was that they didn't ever seem to say what they mean, they were dishonest in the context of what they were really thinking so it was hard to read them. I started thinking about that as I was reading this and thought how refreshing it is to have people like you around, who, and as you say not in a mean spirited way, say what you mean, what you feel. I always wonder if you were in front of someone and saying the dame words if they would have a different impact. Myself, I hate conflict, maybe something in my upbringing, in fact I'm sure of it. So I tend to be one of those human beings who doesn't say what I mean, not being real if you will. And I believe it does damage. Being remembered as a nice guy instead of a real guy is a consequence I don't think does anyone except our mother's any good. I could be real and not be mean spirited at the same time. But I guess then would I be me. I don't know. You have my in a quandry with this excellent talk and very reflective piece.