"The Cat Wants..."

It just is what it is…

 

"The Cat Wants…"

 

How was your today? It's 1137 P.M. here - my now, as I start this. I've just decided it really wasn't a "good" day - could have been but …no. Do we play blame games? - is it my fault …of course it is. As adults we lie to ourselves - we expect, believe …hope… But when even the little things are undone - you come to realize your own value to others.  Just what their perceptions of you are OR weren't

I apologize for pausing but the silence got too close.

 

"Hallelujah… hallelujah, Hallelu-u-u-u-jah."  Singing to the choir.  Living the echoes.  I couldn't catch a breath - sometimes it hurts but that's what we do …live with it.

 

Yep, first class feelin' sorry for myself - WHY?  Because I listened to the silence.  Actually listened …into… the silence.  In the deepness - I've sat here, well into the next day now.  I originally wandered this place, then THIS site - so many …words AND wanderers.  The self's illusion came undone and I saw me.  And what mattered to me didn't, doesn't, don't, won't, …can't count in what makes up my existence.  It don't matter - but it DID …to me… some things just matter …to me, and always have - BUT not to others - then or now or likely tomorrow …it HURTS now - the silence is too tight.

 

Had to pause again.

 

Hey, the world's mean - nothings fair, life happens, it's all a biatch …but, what happens when you realize its YOU that isn't anything at all in the present of your own existence?

 

Ya angry yet?  For me It came and went… became more of a self-knocking thing, a why bother, care, give a damn…even try.  Do you even realize how YOU want to be treated - for real - til you understand you're not?  And then?  What?

 

Chris

 

Author's Note

Feel free.

Reviews

[roarke]

ah, my favorite question: "And then what?".... strange that I've been feeling this way for the past year Chris. Very possible for similar and different reasons than you. But you have this way of putting voice to it. For the most part, so far, that silence that you mention, that I hear is the echoing reaction of the ones that "didn't get it", remain clueless. I'm not rich or famous, but I had very similar experiences as the ones that did become R/F.... "and then what?" Here we are, no blame games though, fools folly. And humor, as if I wasn't where I am and who I'm with... it'd all be different, something else.. .and, "then what?" I'd like to figure a way to see the time I have left as not "finishing" unfinished pursuits and not attempting projects/adventures I won't have time to complete. But in between we all find something, if were smart, if we... listen. I hope this reply lets you know I "get it."

[Chris]

The only dreams I ever had about money was over just how I would give it all away... chuckling here - and to whom. Mourning-after coffee helps too. Ya know it's the damnedest thing - I awake EVERY day with a smile - ready to BE as I need to for anyone that might need me. It IS the "little things" that matter.

[roarke]

absolutely, we are in accord.