"The Cat Wants..."

It just is what it is…

 

"The Cat Wants…"

 

How was your today? It's 1137 P.M. here - my now, as I start this. I've just decided it really wasn't a "good" day - could have been but …no. Do we play blame games? - is it my fault …of course it is. As adults we lie to ourselves - we expect, believe …hope… But when even the little things are undone - you come to realize your own value to others.  Just what their perceptions of you are OR weren't

I apologize for pausing but the silence got too close.

 

"Hallelujah… hallelujah, Hallelu-u-u-u-jah."  Singing to the choir.  Living the echoes.  I couldn't catch a breath - sometimes it hurts but that's what we do …live with it.

 

Yep, first class feelin' sorry for myself - WHY?  Because I listened to the silence.  Actually listened …into… the silence.  In the deepness - I've sat here, well into the next day now.  I originally wandered this place, then THIS site - so many …words AND wanderers.  The self's illusion came undone and I saw me.  And what mattered to me didn't, doesn't, don't, won't, …can't count in what makes up my existence.  It don't matter - but it DID …to me… some things just matter …to me, and always have - BUT not to others - then or now or likely tomorrow …it HURTS now - the silence is too tight.

 

Had to pause again.

 

Hey, the world's mean - nothings fair, life happens, it's all a biatch …but, what happens when you realize its YOU that isn't anything at all in the present of your own existence?

 

Ya angry yet?  For me It came and went… became more of a self-knocking thing, a why bother, care, give a damn…even try.  Do you even realize how YOU want to be treated - for real - til you understand you're not?  And then?  What?

 

Chris

 

Author's Note

Feel free.

Reviews

[mandy]

and then what? life is ever changing. and how we feel at one time in our lives, may be way different than how we feel at a later time. what we see as important changes, our self perception changes..we evolve. I hope that u do find the "then what" eventually, and that it is good.

[Chris]

A thought-full answer... we all experience our own "then what" - life as we live it.

[Diane]

I have to agree to the people below. This was a pretty great read. And then what? I hear that so much from my kids. lol

[Chris]

I somehow missed your review - and apologize. Kids have their own way of getting to us don't they?

[Diane]

Not a problem. They sure do lol

[barleygirl]

Thank gawd I'm not inclined to examine my bad moods to this degree! I would go crazy! I almost went crazy reading this, but I know it's a realistic depiction of how some people grind on & on as they try to come to terms with each step of each day. This is original even tho very relatable & recognizable. You are unhinged in your talent for capturing those darting idiosyncrasies of the wandering mind! *wink! wink!* I heard on the news yesterday that legalizing pot has not resulted in increased usage EXCEPT for old farts . . . *smile* That's how we curb the mind grinding in your vignette! (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[Susan 🦋]

Then what? Then you do the best you can..realizing some days are just "bad days." It is not a reflection of a bad life. Whatever peceptions others may have...doesn't matter.
"But, what happens when you realize its YOU that isn't anything at all in the present of your own existence?".... No Chris, the silence will trick the mind. YOU are valuable, and capable, and worthy.
Gifted with a purpose.Choose to see it.

[Chris]

THAT is the "hope" some can live with.

[felioness]

A worthy rant...been there myself on occasion ...then crawled back under my rock.

[Chris]

Chuckling here... Ya know - it isn't that coffee is soooooooooooo good, it IS that how chilled it becomes marks the level of an awareness and the depth of a perception to be survived.

[felioness]

That is IT precisely!

[Lyn Anderson]

Insightful, thoughtful, introspective, and clever -- everything we've come to expect in a write from you. Sometimes the silence, isn't what we think it is.

[Chris]

Silence IS the presence of all noise ...for some.

[likesgreeneggsandham]

You really do write beautifully. A true scholar and a gent

[Chris]

...it really wasn't that I drank too much coffee... life tends to suck the heat from my mug before it can be over-sipped.

[‘Thoughts In Time..]

Oh...you bring a smile to my face and a chuckle as i smile/ so true are your words- i feel the silence and the pain of not being able to bteathe as it hurts so deep- yes its a mystery this thing called life- we life go die- inbetween we try- well some of us- try be better try bring change try help where we can , and they that dont will hopefully see the light one day- wonderful words- but please dont feel so alone- we live we learn we grow- sometimes alone is better- happy new year- blessings🌹

[J. J. Nightingale]

Opened a can of jellied Cranberry
A touch of Christmas, don't you know..

Faded we are now, from what we used to be Chris.
Old deeds and misdeeds and missing outs haunt
And the cats seem to know, something
Tending to them, keeps me. .
I hold them, and wish I was holding my children/grandchildren

The way our heart hurts, matters not
Or that's the way it seems......

That shaming silence seems to envelop our old existence
You are not alone Chris

I dream about the Lottery, Ha!.. and how happy my family would be
If I gave them everything, and I would !
Would I see them everyday, feel hugs, feel safe and warm
Would there be a hand holding mine in last moments ?

Guess it's all so selfish .. to want, to need, to cry..
I think we will crave love till we die, and maybe never forgive
ourselves.. or be forgiven.

I get over it too Chris, until the next birthday, holiday, death..
then it all comes home again .. never leaving me alone.

Thanks for telling .. ♥

I wake with a smile too !!

Jazzy ♥

[Chris]

You "Get It" too... Hi Jazz.

[J. J. Nightingale]

I think I do.. Hello Chris !
HUGS..♥

[Stephany]

The only game we can never win at is the What if, also known as the The What scenario. Musing about it doesn't change a damn thing, unless it becomes a tool to not repeat those actions. The good what ifs can be as distracting as the not so good. Too much time spent wallowing in the splendor is just as unsettling as crying over the despair. New days are for new adventures! Great retrospective piece of writing.

[Chris]

You're a "keeper"...

[Stephany]

thank you Chris