"The Cat Wants..."

It just is what it is…

 

"The Cat Wants…"

 

How was your today? It's 1137 P.M. here - my now, as I start this. I've just decided it really wasn't a "good" day - could have been but …no. Do we play blame games? - is it my fault …of course it is. As adults we lie to ourselves - we expect, believe …hope… But when even the little things are undone - you come to realize your own value to others.  Just what their perceptions of you are OR weren't

I apologize for pausing but the silence got too close.

 

"Hallelujah… hallelujah, Hallelu-u-u-u-jah."  Singing to the choir.  Living the echoes.  I couldn't catch a breath - sometimes it hurts but that's what we do …live with it.

 

Yep, first class feelin' sorry for myself - WHY?  Because I listened to the silence.  Actually listened …into… the silence.  In the deepness - I've sat here, well into the next day now.  I originally wandered this place, then THIS site - so many …words AND wanderers.  The self's illusion came undone and I saw me.  And what mattered to me didn't, doesn't, don't, won't, …can't count in what makes up my existence.  It don't matter - but it DID …to me… some things just matter …to me, and always have - BUT not to others - then or now or likely tomorrow …it HURTS now - the silence is too tight.

 

Had to pause again.

 

Hey, the world's mean - nothings fair, life happens, it's all a biatch …but, what happens when you realize its YOU that isn't anything at all in the present of your own existence?

 

Ya angry yet?  For me It came and went… became more of a self-knocking thing, a why bother, care, give a damn…even try.  Do you even realize how YOU want to be treated - for real - til you understand you're not?  And then?  What?

 

Chris

 

Author's Note

Feel free.

Reviews

[Meggu]

https://www.smart-jokes.org/cat-diary.html

[DAH]

There's nothing like a decent ringing out of self
to get to either the core of pain or joy, and you
have conveyed this properly.

Keep Pushing, Keep Writing!

Good job!

[Chris]

Sometimes all you can see of the "forest of your life" are the burned and decimated trees left behind after yet another senseless and contrived "fire".

[DAH]

keep burning til all the weeds are gone ...

[Chris]

I think THAT was what Robin Williams was lost in... to name just one. I believe we seldom purposely "set" our own fires - just that we deal with the aftermaths as only we can.

[DAH]

Yes, and I believe that all of us most take responsibility for the kindling that encourages the fires.

[Chris]

Life as we live it - seldom as we want it.

[DAH]

Yes, to burn is to live

[VelvetPotato]

This feels a bit nihilistic to me, which isn't a healthy way to think. But, you know, it is still can creep up on you and is interesting to ponder. I too, feel this way at times. Life is so self-serving. What am I doing that is benefiting others? Why does my existence matter? If I died tomorrow, some family and friends would mourn, but then they'd die eventually, so who cares?

Silence is scary, but I think it is good. It allows your mind to contemplate these philosophical thoughts. I think that is why the younger generation is so wrapped up in technology- it allows them to escape the silence that lets these truths slither in. It promotes thoughtlessness.

But I liked the rant. Please be well. Life is perspective from your state of mind.

[Chris]

The tune was Leonard Cohen's... the 'Tude is mine.

Sometimes you need to speak your mind if only to remind yourself that you HAVE one - least from time-to-time. Too many are afraid to speak out of turn of how they feel about the world, events, personal beliefs and attitudes, and the people that get in your face who let their spittle and personal threats bully, coat, and rule your existence with their lack of your lifelong exercised values - coupled to their threats and intolerant choices.

Seems some People own all the roads and all our choices of what and how to do anything. They make up THEIR minds for US, spend our existence enriching THEIRS and forcing their wills and choices on EVERY facet of ours... just sayin'.

[kentuck14]

Chris,
an interesting meditation. It almost sounds like a mild argument with yourself in order to break the silence. I notice you wrote this the day after Christmas . . . is there a connection?
Tom

[Relic]

That silence. I've always heard that still small voice in the silence was supposed to guide you in the right direction. It makes you wonder if God has an overweight secretary that does mystic readings talking through a dime-sized megaphone in your ear.

If the silence gets that close, do I really want it as a friend? Am I suppose to fill it with any kind of nonsense just to avoid it?

Your words make one think. And then what? More silence? More bad feelings? I don't know how to feel good sometimes. No one taught me, or I wasn't listening. There was something else going through my mind other than silence.

Life is weird. I don't understand it, but I don't want to start over again.

[Chris]

and yet sometimes we HAVE to start over and over again... life happens and we ...deal as only we can.

Thank you for coming by... and even more for speaking.

[Relic]

Perhaps that's all life is...start overs one after another. Sucks.

You're welcome.

[Faith]

Incredibly real. This was deep and self-reflecting. Aware of us, them, and me within. I love the sincerity in it, the rawness. If this doesn’t touch a cord, then the reader isn’t getting IT.

[Chris]

I hope you return and find more to pause with.

[Corset]

I love this one Chris, recognize so much of myself in this one. I think who we are and what is important to us changes to meet what is or can be obtainable, and have we made ourselves obtainable to others? Recently a special young woman rented an apartment with a doorbell, she was so thrilled that it had a doorbell...during the make ready of the unit the door bell chimer didn't have a cover and the wires were exposed, and so the maintenance man removed the doorbell, when the young lady moved in and realized the doorbell was gone the entire magic of that apartment just melted away from her. she was clearly upset and was getting water all over the place and calling in to the office about nonexistent leaking in her unit, I purchased a doorbell with my own money and had it installed... no more leaks.

[Chris]

YOU are a gem Corset... and real. You take care.

[Corset]

You are.....

[Kent Rawski]

disillusionment can shatter your dream when what you felt wasn't now it seems. An old poet said be true to thyself and I guess there in find what you need to those who use misuse and abuse how can they find an answer from within?

[Chris]

We all have or will have "Bad" days ...getting through or over them is a part of who we are as a person. You HAVE to make choices during your life and then you HAVE to live within them.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

yes, we never quite figure out who we are and what our purpose is until we figure out we are not that...negatives can simply overcome us...i love the line "silence got to close"--
when life pauses, it can be a really uncomfortable silence as we dwell on introspection...and not like what we see and hear in that silence...i guess all we can do is make the best of what we are and what we are given...all we can do.
j.

[Ken Simm.]

I'm in such a bad mood, I shouldn't have read this. But there you go. even Darwin said he couldn't think straight. And then what?
What next continues to be you. No one else matters in the perhaps not final analysis. Carpe Diem.
But then In Silence there is eloquence. Stop weaving and see how the pattern improves.”
― Rumi

[Chris]

Seems we each have "Our Days" Ken, life as we live it. Thanks for pausing.