"The Diamond Night..."

a eulogy in tear minor

Life is just a breath away… in either direction.  I don't pretend to understand, I can only try - that's what being human is I guess …pain, and doing what we can to just know and then live through it.  Some brilliance is more fragile than we want to ever believe …and so are some friends.

 

Sometimes talking it through …helps.  For a while you stay awake - ya know?  Just aren't all that sleepy - but also not too energetic, you don't WANT to be doing damn near anything.  You see a lot of sunrises through kitchen windows.  Sit out on damp, night-chilled porches - just "feeling" sorta numb.

 

You remember or at least think you do …moments, images… the gestalt of caring and missing - fills and hurts.  Then the guilts of not always being there when it's NOW you see being alone from the other person's side and your life was all that mattered and you shoulda, woulda, coulda been …different… if only you'd realized time isn't always going to be there.  So many little "things" left forever undone…

 

…and some tears are always shared… always.

 

“The Diamond Night…”

 

It’s very dark

both inside and out - right now…

dreamtime and awake-mares -

the brooding non-silence

of a mind

step-step-stepping

along its path of most-resistance

- “Ding, dong " the witch is dead

Which old witch?  The Wicked Witch!

Ding, dong " the Wicked Witch is dead!”

The melody has its presence

in now’s reality

sparks and fading afterimages

- fireflies on sight’s edges

all sides, in-sides

flash - blink -

bubble-pop bright, dull - following, moving

and my voice is a lip-whispered monotone echo

reaching my ears

harmonizing with the mind’s skips

…but my hands are empty…

My hands …are… empty.

And I’m walking

walking …slow.

 

I know and understand the whys

- my whys - not your wise wherefores,

and the tired Being

being tired

self and introspection

outward and inward angers

reachings   …failures

tries and promises “…and things that we believe in…”

endings and endings and

the LOUD silence of every breath.

 

Hot      eyes      - staring into

…The nothing…

And seeing - 

everything

 

…loves me

…loves me not

…loves me

…dreaming not

…dreaming…not…am…

Not.

 

I miss that boy

 

How do we understand

our lines within

and what crossing them means

when YOUR …awake

is their …asleep

and The Nothing is as real as it gets...

for us all

 

Chris

 

Wizard Of Oz tune

Poems And Prayers And Promises tune

 

My friend - Chris - by his own choice,  17 March 1970  - 21 Feb 2014... may your spirit find the peace it sought.

 

 

 

Author's Note

My friend - Chris - by his own choice, 17 March 1970 - 21 Feb 2014... may your spirit find the peace it sought.

Done.

Reviews

[Renée]

What is there to say.. as we live life and walked with you in reading this piece ?
A beautiful piece Chris.. but then would be, for it is a part of your heart..
I am so sorry of his passing. May his spirit find peace and your heart comfort, in memories of your friendship..

[ms. barrie]

I am terribly sorry for your loss! His memory is forever captured, in the beauty of your
words that you writ'...thank you for sharing!

[Chris]

thanks for pausing Barrie...

[ms. barrie]

you're very welcome, Chris - the pleasure was mine! :)

[Coyote Poetry]

"…and some tears are always shared… always."
I'm sorry for the loss of your friend. You wrote a beautiful poem in his memory. The above line is true. Somethings are never forgotten. Thank you for sharing the story and the poetry.
Coyote

[Chris]

Thank you for the pause and thoughts... means a lot.

[HeazerH]

Thank you for sharing this beautiful piece of writing. I am sorry for your loss.

[Chris]

People are more fragile than we know...until we DO ...know

[HeazerH]

That is so true.

[NANCY MCCORMACK]

made me sad, and he must have been very very sad

[Lydia Shutter]

A cross between Will Rogers and Andy Rooney! I especially liked "the loud silence".....a line that had me smiling knowingly. Chris, your words continue to provoke thought for me...and that is always a good thing. Lydi**

[David Scott]

I felt the meandering around within this poem. Not aimless, but not directed wither. This was sort of an exploration of feeling and thought congealed into a poem.
I will not try to interpret this poem completely or even give away my own secrets by telling you what I saw in this "ink blot" of poetry.
I will say I felt understood and amazed. I felt small and big at the same time as the poetry infused my mind.
Wonderful mysterious profoundness.

[Tennessee]

Damn kid I'm sorry. I loved your choice of words, it can read many different ways. You see life in a unique way and I respect that. We are only human and we f**k up but you say it so much better.

[Jack...]

So sorry for your loss and the reason for this fine poem, however, there is magic in your words and if they only touch one, that is one more who may understand. Your words have touched me today Chris and I will not forget...ever again.

[Chris]

"So say we all!..." Thanks Jack.

[Jack...]

Yep, we do....

[Dhaye]

Sorry for your loss, Chris. May he rest in peace.