"Just Bein'..."

It speaks for itself

"Just Bein’..."

 

Is again in the early morn.

 

Sometimes... I sit and stare off into - that, other place

that other place where it isn't always as hard to be ...me -

at a given time, on a given ...day, hour, minute... moment.

 

YEAH, an I ain't no one really... just a person, that guy -

that man, woman, kid next door - cross the street, down that block

walkin tha hood, standin, sittin - breathin'hard in the cold chill of ...now.

 

Sometimes I just want ta say - anything ...something...

to choke out an "h'lo..." and maybe just pause the world runnin by

for just a second - just ...a second... know what I mean?

 

An' sometimes I just want... I don't always know what -

just that I FEEL it deep inside and its like it's leakin-out

bit-by-inch-by-second and the NEED tries to overwhelm me,

become me ...is me...somehow.

 

You ever feel so deep down lonely it pauses you - right there

right ...THERE... where you LIVE - inside, day-at-a-time... 

pauses you outta nowhere, reaches in HARD and grasps ya, tightens-an-tightens

til ya can't breathe, can't make a sound, cry ...nuthin...?

An' it hurts,  freakin hurts bein' you right then ...right then...

and then it passes on - back to wherever it came from

you know - you know exactly what I mean don't ya? - 

I guess its part and parcel of growing up,

of being real, of being a person...sigh.

 

It's early morning here ...before 6...

I do have things to do, really... do, but it's quiet

and I feel like I'm being close with someone - that needs

me to be close to ...right now... and thats ok with me.

I know that need, live it myself more often than not.

 

Hi, come by anytime... it's ok - I don't mind

you can be quiet, silent... fidgetty, jittery...

chitter-chatter away ...be you as you really are

and just maybe you'll hurt a lil less, feel less alone 

for a breath or two or even three.  Hell, maybe

you'll find you can smile a lil ...again... least this once,

this one moment without feelin you have to force it out

- paint-it-in-place to hide the tears and the hurts.  It's ok.

We all been there a time or two ya know.

 

Well, take care now.  Its been ...real.

 

Chris

 

Author's Note

feel free

Reviews

[AYVID N]

A lot of soul searching came on with this insightful write. You are a great friend in WC and someone as caring as you couldn't be very lonely ...happiness springs from within us and the caring we do, comes back to us.

But then again, we all are lonely some of the time. Sad reality of life.

[Tam Warink]

Stopped by to carve something into the handle of your wooden spoon... "Kilroy was here." I'm saving the bowl graffiti for later. I won't say it was nice (no fair, hitting below the belt) but it was "real." You take care, pardner. Catch you later.

[emmajoy]

Loneliness is a near killer of life inside the skin; things fade into nothing. Being and feeling alone is a nightmare awake. The way, the natural almost simple way you express this is so very sad, dear friend.. you've maybe spoken for so many who long to hear a voice, pat a hand, hug, chuckle with..

The fact every letter comes from you, turns this post into something i feel guilty for, because, all this is real.

Your writing's more than fine, more than beautiful, tis every feeling wrapped in .. just about everything. '.. .. reaches in HARD and grasps ya, tightens-an-tightens ~ til ya can't breathe, can't make a sound, cry ...nuthin...? ~ An' it hurts, freakin hurts bein' you right then ... '

[Lyn Anderson]

You are unique in many ways, and this style that touches so many touches because it is so real ... Yes, I know you say clever and brilliant are not compliments, but they do describe the way you put pen to paper and make it breathe.

[J. J. Nightingale]

Just got home from the Vampire office..sigh
They couldn't draw my blood, three tried
And now I don't really care
maybe tomorrow I will, but now..............

We are all alone inside, and it's tight in there
I feel pain down deep, when YOU write like this
it sounds like good-byes
it sounds like giving up..sad
Maybe you are speaking for all the lonely ones out there
And THIS really isn't just about YOU

I notice the attempt to come across as the every-day Man
That's alright
But please don't say you are no one..
I'm deep down lonely too.. and I feel invisible-gone-finished
It's the fear of not being, that hurts.. we grasp at edges
Close our eyes, and make believe a happy time and place
Because we need to .. because the want is heart-soul deep
We can't quite define the "want" .. but still we feel it strong
I think we all need to be needed, be worthy .. be loved

Being close, humm .. Chris whenever I read your words
it's like a personal message just for me alone
And I think many others come away feeling the same
You write close up.. personal .. down deep warm. real
I came to Writer's Cafe because of YOU !
I needed to read YOU
Because YOU are special.. and everything you write touches down deep
Stirs up thoughts , makes one pause.. remember and appreciate Life
And maybe FORGIVE ourselves .. and OTHERS.. and HEAL

You are so much more than just being ..
Thanks for telling the down deep-truth

Just Me xxoo

[Rachelle]

Me time: introspection, a bit of conversation, smell the roses before rejoining the rat race.....

[Rita L. Sev]

This is a warm reprieve from the cold outside, and the malaise within...

[Ruth]

You reach out a hand
see
feel
talk
warm
soul soothe
many

I only hope
by doing so
You are soothed too

xx

[Chris]

...it's all who and how we are... always is. Having a better Monday?

[Ruth]

Monday just glittered some :) xx

[Einstein Noodle]

great stuff Chris ... love it! doesnt get more real ... thanks for sharing
E.

[Chris]

was zero out at 530 - ish... thought-full time ya know?

[Einstein Noodle]

i take naps all day... am asleep by 9 ... but the wee morning hours are mine... God bless!

[sharonlee]

Thank you, kind and gentle sir