Invisible Pain + Perfect Status to Maintain

my emotions

The emotions that I can’t speak

Get implanted deep inside the core of my brain

Like a cicada planting it’s children 

In the deep core that lies beneath the dirt, pebbles and grains. 

Once it’s arrives, it grows, rots and spreads

Which leaves me with poison coursing through my veins.

It takes the color from my sight

Graying my once rainbow colored remains.

My silent thoughts are deadly

It’s like being slowly hung by an invisible deadly chain.

All these motions i’ve experienced,

I guess it’s safe to say I'm not the same. 

I wish I could say it’s just one part of me

But it’s affected every single one of my domains.

What changed in me this evening, will see many, many days.

Simply because it’s hard to scrub out the black ink stains.

They only slightly fade away,

Even if I lay, bathe and scrub in the cold or hot rain.

Because the pigment is something deeper than blood,

When thoughts collect in my brain, the ink is something that will always be pertained

I wish someone would turn on the light,

There’s no sun on my empty terrain. 

I hate the way I feel,

But with soundless emotions these feelings are constrained. 

Everyday I wake up with the groggy feeling,

That I got mulled over by a 1,000 pound train.

I feel like Santa,

Only some devilish reindeer's took my sleigh's reins. 

I wish my demons would stop toying with me,

To them my depression is just another one of their silly games.

This worded poem is long,

Because it’s the only way I can reduce the internal pain.

But there is no one to dump this load on,

I simply have no one but myself to blame.

For on the outside I will always place a smile,

Remember I have a perfect status to maintain.

Author's Note

what do you feel when reading this

Reviews

[John the Baptist]

I wonder how many smiles are covers for deep depression and anxiety. Once these things establish loops in the consciousness, they will keep replaying mindlessly. Therapy, medication and spirituality all can help.