3 nights of hell - chapter 1

She gave her best friend Lucy an evil looking smile as she passed a little stained paper to her.

I hope you are happy when you get your revenge. I hope you know what you are doing, because hexes aren’t meant to be handled by inexperienced little brats!

Lucy winked at her, she knew her old friend must know better by now, years passed where the two of them sat in Jezabel’s old attic, using that old Ouiji bord to conjure those who were better left alone. You know I always handle with care hunny, I would never start of a chain without knowing what I’m up to, but he doesn’t deserve any better than he shall get.

Lucy carefully opened the paper, looking at the incantation written on it. She recognized the writing and knew that this was one of Jezabel’s own creations. They never disappoint the user.

So shall we get on with it or is little Lucy getting scared? She asked as she cautiously prepared the altar. Atame placed in the middle, black, white, purple and red candles surrounded it, a photo of her ex boyfriend, and as a final there was a spare knife in the corner of the altar. What do we need the knife for? She asked with a disturbed look. You should know by now that you can never use your atame to cut your own flesh! Jezabel responded while holding the spare knife above her hand, showing Lucy what she would do with it later on. You … you never told me I would have to cut myself. Her voice was trembling and Jezabel could detect the hesitation by the first word Lucy uttered. Ok now chicken, this is the last time I ask, do you want to do this or are you going to run away tail between the legs?

Lucy knew that if she wanted her ex to get what he deserved she would have to continue the ritual, so she walked up to the altar, and took her place.

Ready? Ready!

Both of them began to recite the incantation Jezabel wrote after they had opened the circle by using the atame.

As I do this candle spell

Bring mine enemy 3 nights of hell

Candle black, black as night

Bring him pains of flesh tonight!

Lesions on his skin will grow

Afflict him with a painful blow

Sores and pain afflict him now

For 3 nights he'll wonder how

Dukes of darkness, Kings of hell

Smite mine enemy, bring him hell

When 3 nights of pain have passed

Make him well, well at last.

After reading the incantation Lucy cut the palm of her hand and let the blood drip unto the photo of her ex boyfriend. Then she passed it over the red and purple candle. The circle was closed, the candles let to burn out by themselves and Lucy and Jezabel slowly walked away from the altar. They were sitting at the outside of the old ruin where they had performed the ritual, staring at the pitch black sky and listening to the ravens making those creepy noises.

Do you think it will work? I mean, haven’t I been too rude by doing this? She asked with her most pitiful voice possible. I told you before you little, don’t mess with me, I wrote this for you as you asked me 3 days ago to help you get this b*****d what he deserves. And so we have done now. You know that what you will sow you will reap thrice, still you had the urge to continue. Don’t look back now, or you will only make it worse.

Lucy began to feel really bad, and she hadn’t thought of the rule of three before. The more she stared into the sky, the more she could tell something was happening, and it wasn’t good.

 

Author's Note

Currently working on a new version!!!

Reviews

[Wulfstan Crumble]

This piece reminds me of the Wiccans at university. They were officially banned from the Pagan society for being fakes. lol. This kind of love revenge incantation is part of the popular myth of witches and wiccans. I am sure many of them join in just for this reason... though hardcore wiccans would flay me for suggesting that.

I thought your incantation was very good and well written.

The ending is scary.

Overall the story is well written. The whole idea of the spell etc and the location in a ruin is not so original but what you have done is write the piece better than many others have done. For that reason i like it a lot.

A suggestion:

little brads! - should this be Brats?

[Chloe..Across the Unive..]

Interesting story Anata.. it is very good for the contest.. Lucy forgot the rule of 3.. now she will have to pay. I really enjoyed this.

Chloe
xoxo

[Andrew Dunham]

Yes, I think now spend some time filling in the descriptions of location nearer the beginning... what was the weather like, was it dark, what noises could be heard etc. I know we hear it almost at the end, but by then it's too late. Also, the dialogue is quite slangy (impenetrable in the final (get what he deseerves) part, not enough decorum until we get to the amazing spell part. That's really potent. Going well though.

Spelling... OuijA, start ofF a chain, I told you before you little,(eh?)

[Gary H]

So far I think this is a sketch of what you want to write. I would now sit back and think what and how you could expand on this. It's a neat concept, however there are descriptive parts that would add the the atmosphere and build the tension.

Do take note of what the other reviewers have said below. Definately think this is a worthwhile project to work with and be careful if you are to add another part - the current ending is perfect leaving readers wanting more......

[Staci Brown]

Interesting start for a story. Your quotes would be better in just that though... quotes. :)

Paragraph spacing also, and check your work for typo's as you have a few in there.

The meter and rhyme of the incantation was nicely done.

Law of three huh... ahh the wiccans ... lol Sorry, I practice the craft myself but like pagans of old I don't worry like many wiccans do.. with the harm none bs...

It was refreshing to see a witch willing to strike down some justice on a deserving b*****d! :)

I invite you to read my story Watching In Silence :)

Faerie Blessings!

[Heather Rodwell]

This is a very good piece. I like the ominous feeling at the end. It brings the reader to use his/her imagination and wonder what could happen to them. I like this alot!