Unearthing Life 5

If you choose to stay close to me ,

I might name our child "Proximity";

If you run away,

tasting with your wings,

the endless freedom you awaited,

The child would perhaps

 get the name "farness"  .

Irrespective of what is in store,

I still have the firm belief ,

that our offspring will see the light in time. 

Reviews

[TrimarcoRansome]

Your punctuation sort of threw me out of kilter, the first time i read this. I Re-read it ignoring the punctuation and it flowed much better. Some poems just don't lend themselves well to punctuation or need very little. This needed very little to remain how you intended it to be.

[Anand Sehgal]

thanks a lot for the feedback, I will keep in mind :)

[Anand Sehgal]

hmmm... different look and unique voice... My favorite is the lines :If you choose to stay close to me ,
I might name our child "Proximity";... I do wonder if a better name for the farness would make it spectacular? Like vanishing..., remote, peripheral, transpolar. any more, longcore, next door, or Looking for... just a thought..

[Anand Sehgal]

Nisa , I used the noun, as the names are usually proper nouns and I wanted to maintain a similarity . But you are very correct, as far as the vocabulary is concerned , transpolar would sound gorgeous indeed. Thanks for your kind review :)

Thanks for looking into so much detail :)
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you are welcome.. I often read and then read it aloud.. I love to feel the sway when poetry is spoken... it makes it so much more revealing...

[Pushkar Prabhat]

interesting!!!
quite a unique way of stating the truth.
lovely poem!!
i loved it!!!
:)

[Anand Sehgal]

Thanks so very much my dear friend :) Glad that you enjoyed the write .

[Pushkar Prabhat]

you are welcome.......:) :)

[jennifer little]

nicely said poem i liked it had good flow to it and great passion keep up the good work

[Anand Sehgal]

Thanks a lot dear :) Glad that you felt connected

[jennifer little]

your welcome

[Frontier]

This has some strange, deep beauty in it...I could tell by that ending! Sort of like a metaphysical thing. Very interesting!

[Anand Sehgal]

I feel honored . thanks so much. :)

[Thomas Fitzgerald]

A telling and honest piece that relates well, good read.

[Anand Sehgal]

Thanks so very much Tom.

[icelandicblue]

Ah children change everything but not everyone wants to change because of them. Children should be named proximity but some are not quite ready to do that and want to "taste" their wings.If you have children then a home and stability is what the parents must do no matter how hard. That is why being a parent changes your life forever.

[Anand Sehgal]

The post modern era demands more maturity indeed ! :) thanks a lot

[M.A.Rathore]

The poximity turned into "the light in time's" adverse circumstances calculates the relation and the time spend together...
Nice poem ...

[Anand Sehgal]

thanks so very much for the kind review Rathore ji :)

[M.A.Rathore]

Welcome Anandji...your poem is really good..

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i really like this theoretical piece...what ifs...and the child of relationships...the offspring in theory...figurative children,depending on whether she stays or goes.

very cool piece.

[Anand Sehgal]

Thanks so very much Jacob for your kind review :) I feel honored :)

[Corset]

Poetry and poem, very much like our own children, we birth them into existential essence from the center of our souls. wonderful!

[Anand Sehgal]

You got the pivotal point absolutely write my dear poetess :)

[Lydia Shutter]

Such an honest write. Everyone wants to "taste" their wings in life, but their comes a time when staying put makes more sense...especially if children are involved. No one knows what tomorrow brings, that's for sure. Your words hold so much meaning. Lydi**

[Anand Sehgal]

Thank so very much Lydi for the kind review . Came back after quite a long time :)