Etcetera 2

Eternal hourglass,

    Tranquil sand,

          Peaceful era !!

              The radiant sun ,

                     Greenhouse effect,

                             Adolescent pain !!

                                       Unrest within,

                                            Miserable haemorrhage;

                                                       Inevitable explosion !!

                                                                       Savage warfare,

                                                                                 Profuse blood loss,

                                                                                          Acute anemia !!

Reviews

[Sarai Lee]

Firstly, I'd like to say bravo! The way you wrote this, cutting across the page at an angle, to mirror your violent imagery cutting into the reader. I like that, and I am really enamoured with the structure here. I like the lines, each a brutal hit to something harsh and deep. Again, well done!

[Anand Sehgal]

I am honored, thank you :)

[Mizo4]

it describes to me a catalysis of natural events and human suffering as one, this is cool and a unique image in my mind.

[Anand Sehgal]

Thank you Marion. Glad that you liked the write :)

[Rita L. Sev]

Interesting form, good use of metaphors. I don't think that the exclamation points are needed; a bit distracting. Just my opinion. I like that you took a risk with this unique form.

[Anand Sehgal]

I used the exclamatory symbol to mark a sense of shock , but I will keep in mind your advice. Thanks a lot.

[ron]

Very nice. It flows very nicely.

[Anand Sehgal]

thank you friend :)

[ron]

You are most welcome.

[Stella Armour]

nice little verse all in metaphor...good write..

[Anand Sehgal]

Thanks a ton for your kind comments Stella :)

[Stella Armour]

you are welcome my friend..

[Lydia Shutter]

I like the pyramid steps you used to present this write. Are they Haiku? Not sure....not all that familiar with the Eastern forms. The stream of consciousness flows easily from one stanza to the next. Your emotions run the gamut from peaceful to turbulent from top to bottom....and the reader takes the journey with you. I enjoyed this. Lydi**

[Anand Sehgal]

Thanks a lot Lydi. Glad that you had a safe and happy journey along with my metaphors.

[Anand Sehgal]

They are not Haiku , Lydi, just down-the-stair-style improvised medium.

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

This is interesting... The idea of "etcetera" plays into the fact that this is mostly a mass of feeling and emotions spilled out onto the page, and they ellicit a strong emotional response. I love the wording and phrasing that you've used, as well as the imagery--very poignant. I'm not completely sold on the format...it seems a little too "across the page" for my taste. i would have done something more back and forth, so you have one stanza left set, then one set two tabs over, the next left set, the next two tabs over, etc., so that it was more of a back and forth than a "wave" feeling. All in all, though, nicely done.

[Anand Sehgal]

Thanks a ton Sarah. Glad that you liked. I am learning from you too. through exchange of ideas I will evolve and probably I would be able to contribute too in return.

[Anand Sehgal]

The word Etcetera, was used to give a feel that it is away from mainstream.

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

Funny, because Etcetera is one of the proposed titles for my second collection of poetry...I've always loved the idea of the word, and just the way that it sounds.

[Anand Sehgal]

:) ::) Same line of thought, strange resonance :D

[Pryde Foltz]

Well done. The structure and word choice is flawless. Love the use of double exclamation.

You are obviously sharing something very traumatic for you. I like how you do a little more than hint at it but still leave the reader guessing. Intriguing.

[Anand Sehgal]

Thanks a ton Pryde. Glad that you liked the usage of metaphor. The very journey of life itself is quite traumatic for a sensitive being, isn't it?

[K. Louis]

I like this "Etcetera" series you've started...Again, I really like the structure and think it works well. It's like a timeline of deterioration that can be applied to many things..an individual..a union...the collective..
I also really like how the natural images started to change into a decaying body...the metaphor throughout is strong. I really enjoyed this!

[Anand Sehgal]

Glad that you liked the imagery, the medium. Metaphors are the tools.