Etcetera 1

Ocean of illusion,

    Traditional Gravitational pull,

            Droplets of "Ambrosia" !!

                                Publicized news,

       Army of ants ,

             Again a great exodus !!

A deceased moth (or ideology),

      A grand procession ,

             Eroded soil and shoe sole pad !!

                     The old , wise Pholcus,

 Real genius of artistry,

      The never ending  expectation !!

Author's Note

Published in "Foxtrot Uniform " Online Literary Magazine on merit

Reviews

[Dye]

I like your take on this. The references to the "higher powers" and what I took as peasants. I wasn't sure about the layout of the words at first but after reading it gives a sense of a "marching" to the poem. Not sure if I'm making any sense, but I'm not as good with words. :)

[Anand Sehgal]

Yes, a march in time, a march in viewpoint, a shift in paradigm. Do not worry about words, write whatever you feel. thanks dear :D

[Rafia ~ Yellow Girl]

wow... i'll be very honest. I need time to get hold of your concept as it's really dense and has so much in it. Though I love the style through which you related from first to the last word. :)

[Anand Sehgal]

thanks a lot for your kind review

[shallimarRose]

I love the style you used here.. I am wondering if an real ant invasion was the inspiration here.. A couple of years ago I wrote a poem about the invasion... Great metaphor and very visual for me. Rose

[Anand Sehgal]

No real ant invasion. thanks a ton for the kind review :)

[Angel]

This is an amazing piece. I am impressed.

[Anand Sehgal]

Thanks a ton for the kind review :)

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

This is very good... I'm enamoured with the imagery and the way that you have chosen to play upon the idea of mortals and gods, current events/wars and ants, etc. The last stanza was pure brilliance, honestly. Still not completely sold on the across the page format, but that's a stylistic difference. Very nicely done...I'm a fan.

[Anand Sehgal]

Thanks a lot for thinking in the line I planned it. I am glad that I was able to communicate successfully.

[Mizo4]

It is a nice poem with interesting muse, it creates a little scene and this is lovely.

[Anand Sehgal]

Thanks a lot friend. Glad that you liked it. :)

[Stella Armour]

i too found this a little too metaphoric to understand at first, but i see now that it is cleverly woven like the spider web....

[Anand Sehgal]

That is really an amusing remark. Thanks a lot for going through it . I love your theme based picto-poems .

[Pryde Foltz]

Hi Anand,

To the Gods we are but bugs with the artist spinning madly away to find any meaning.

This is the first poem I've read of yours. I think. And let me preface anything else I say, by saying, you are obviously brilliant. You interweave (tee hee) the intellectual and emotional with a rare refinement. Your work also works on many levels. Good good good. Your metaphors are applied with a light, yet masterful hand. Really, your work is very sophisticated.

Here's the critiques--While the first stanza is wonderful on its own, it doesn't seem to fit with the others and it doesn't clearly illustrate your overall message. Ambrosia is such a nice sounding word, and I daresay overused, we bugs/artists are playthings or that which is devoured whole. I want to know this;feel this. Maybe be a little frightened. Also, I am big fan of not making people reach too hard for meaning. I think you poem would be better served by using daddy long legs rather than pholcus. I had to look it up; most won't bother. And then they would really miss out on this fabulous piece.

I will end again by saying your are brilliant. I only offer food for thought. I can't wait to see more.

[Anand Sehgal]

Thanks a lot for analyzing it so deeply. Certainly I would like to use easier words. That is one major message I received from your note. Thank you for giving a heartfelt long note. Hopefully I would be able to deliver few more good poems.

[Rhiti Bose]

I love the way you have aligned both your thoughts and the structure. I just realized you can read it both ways, like starting from the last line and ending with the first, and it still has the same impact. was it intentional?

[Rhiti Bose]

Another thing, don't rate your work as mature, rate it for everyone unless it has violence or sexual content, as it will lower your audience/reader reach.

[Anand Sehgal]

Thanks A lot Ma'am. Answer to your first question, No I was not aware while I was composing it, but later saw its reversible nature. I am happy that you found that too.

Thank you again for advising me regarding audience priority.

[Rhiti Bose]

my pleasure... :)

[K. Louis]

I like the downward steplike structure of this-- it fits well. There's also a cyclic nature of this poem...that's very reflective of humanity and all it's progressions and lack thereof..

[Anand Sehgal]

I am grateful that you spent some time thinking about it. You have caught the spirit correctly.

[K. Louis]

well thank you for sharing! I look forward to reading more.