Spring

Branches stretch up to the pale sun

and a few hopeful buds

coil close to the bark,

huddled away from

sudden gusts of chilled wind.

Reviews

[teardrop]

I really enjoyed this one. wonderful write

[Dah Retarded Walrus]

Great idea, but it seemed... bleak. Use thesaurus for interesting, well-flowing words!

[Anais K.V]

Bleakness intended. Which words in particular did you find uninteresting?

[Dah Retarded Walrus]

I never mentioned that I didn't like particular words, but the phrases! Few like a sandwhich without meat, let alone the sauce and more. This applies to writing too. Use interesting metaphores and well flowing words!
Thanks for reading!
-Walrus

[Anais K.V]

You said "use thesaurus for interesting, well-flowing words". Since there was no mention of phrases, I assumed you meant words... So if it's the phrasing that you would change, may I ask for an example of a particular section you disliked?
As for your suggestion of metaphors, I definitely think there is a place for metaphor and simile in some writing, and in many of my pieces I use them. In this one, however, I opted for personification. I simply sought to create a snapshot of a moment.
Thanks for your reviews! Really helps me to look at my work more critically. I just hope you can give me some specifics.