River

she picked my wounds

and licked an acid toungue

into each crevice

 

an intentional corruption

of hate greed and connection

fusion so deep and thorough

where one ends the other continues

two rivers with seperate streams

branches but the entirety,

the same flow

 

every word every look

filled with disdain I took

into me until I am her

I believe in you, you made me

and I hate you for it

too bad who I hate more is me

 

a led life I didn't know

so many feelings that just won't go

a decomposing corpse with a pretty shell

while vultures and snakes

the insides inhale.

 

An imploding figure of lust envy and wine

a little girl who will never be mine

I know she's okay, the things she thinks only entwine

her veins until she's strangled internally

 

her head a hell raging on infernal 'be's

and 'do's and 'don't's and 'why don't we's?

 

now it is known what has been so wrong

all this time, a tomb filled with hate 

of another's trusted words

but how does a river flow against itself?

 

 

06-27-07  1:11am

Reviews

[Alistair Canlin]

Interesting. Both angry and carefree at the same time.
I'm presuming you'd want it as a heavy rock type tune, but I reckon it could work well as a stripped down acoustic song.
Favourite part
An imploding figure of lust, envy, and wine
a little girl who will never be mine

[An owl on the moon]

So profoundly moving and deep... There is a sense of motion, of pain overtaking the heart and mind like an endless river. An amazing read!

[Lestat's daughter]

Beautifully written, I like the hits of anger through out the piece.

[Absentee Reality Check]

this would sound soooo good against music but it's amazing even without , i like it!

[Nannette LaRee~]

I think if you put these words to music, it would be even more of a masterpiece. GREAT JOB!!!!!!!!!!! :)

[Conrad Wrobel]

"now it is known what has been so wrong
all this time, a tomb filld with hate
of anothers trustd words
but how does a river flow against itself? "

Oh but how true that part is. I feel the conflict, aptly described in this last line, throughout the poem much more than the anger and self loathing that it repetitively brings up. I see the internal struggle of whether you are yourself, or a creation.
I noticed that this poem does not include a picture. I think that some sort of clockwork or clay golem would aptly fit it. Try looking at pictures from the Magic The Gathering card game. Some of the artwork in it is amazing.
Love the piece, very different and interesting. w00t!

[Troy Baham Jr.]

An imploding figure of lust, envy, and wine
a little girl who will never be mine
I know she's okay, the things she thinks only entwine
her veins until she's strangled internally
her head a hell raging on infernal be's
and do's and dont's and 'why dont we?'s

i loved that stanza. the last line was really strong too. what kinda music would this be put to?

[Chloe..Across the Unive..]

This is powerful stuff, Anastasia..

An imploding figure of lust, envy, and wine
a little girl who will never be mine
I know she's okay, the things she thinks only entwine
her veins until she's strangled internally
her head a hell raging on infernal be's
and do's and dont's and 'why dont we?'s

I love this verse.. sad though.. these are strong lyrics and very powerful.. it seems like metal or industrial music,, or lyrics.. i know it is great writing and i enjoyed it..

Chloe
xoxo

[The Random Writings Of ..]

i believe in you, you made me
and i hate you for it
too bad who i hate more
is me

This stanza here stuck out to me. O wow . What a dark piece, such anger.
You speak from your heart, the words are so powerful.

a decomposing corpse with a pretty shell

This line right here, hits home to me. Inside sometimes I fell so differently than what is on the outside. This piece give me shivers. Wonderfully written, you come across so clear. I think you are right we have a lot in common.
Kates

[Interrupting Dawn]

i relly like that, it has a good flow and i like your wording, couldn't think of any music but its a great poem/song. Wonderful Job!

[Diana Owen Busy with Li..]

wow, that was dark.... I think it would sound great as an acoustic song.