River

The icy water is at my back,

there are Lillies in my hair.

I'am floating down this river,

the river of despair.

 

There's no one here to save me

and now it is too late.

Im floating down this river, 

in time I'll meet the Fates

My fingers are so cold,

my lips have turned to blue.

My heart will soon stop beating and 

this world I will leave to you

 

Reviews

[Casper Dumass Lecroix]

don't leave, if you do who will read my crappy writing? lol

[Riley Mistwood]

Your writting is far from crappy. I dont plan on leaving anytime soon :)

[Casper Dumass Lecroix]

thank ye

[Zaia Zomayah]

I'm loving the way you write, and what you write about

[Riley Mistwood]

Thank you :)

[Euro]

Very nice poem, Riley.
there's a mistake on the third line, "I'am" should be "I am, or I'm"
I like how short it is and how the ideas flow.
A gentle yet somber way to close this poem.
-Penelope H.

[Erinne S.]

This was sad, but beautifully written. My only critique is in your third line you don't need the apostrophe in I am. Easy fix!
I thought your flow was nice and you told a vivid story for the reader to picture. Well done and thank you for sharing!

~Erinne

[rnuff]

So deeply moving and a hint of sadness as well.
Makes for an awesome read

[LamentedHaven]

Deeply moving and sad, but also story-like as if told by a ghost.

[kublakhan27]

Hi, this is the first time I've read one of your poems and I really like it...very Opheilan, says the Shakespearean in me...

[Riley Mistwood]

Wow, thank you so much!

[kublakhan27]

You're very welcome :)

[Sir Jaykom]

NIce imagery. Like it. good work.

[Elizabeth]

I can see the scene here and although it is sad, it is also very beautiful.

[Drifter]

I like it. I has a pretty smooth flaw. However, if you're intending to do something with it, there are some typos and grammatical issues, such as "im" three lines down. It definitely has potential and I look forward to seeing what comes of it.