Laughing Would Be A Sin

Do you think it is enough?....

 

 

Do you think that kiss is enough

Once a day on my forehead

I feel no passion afterwards

 

I used to feel for you

Now I feel for myself

My energy is slowly dying

 

No conversations are present

To smile would be impossible

Laughing would be a sin

 

Our definition of love is different

New was only at birth

Reality is here for a lifetime

 

The passion has died

My flames have expired

I am sorry

 

-Laughing Would Be A Sin-

haha

 

Reviews

[Enigma]

That was tragic. You've captured it all - the pain, the sorrow - and expressed it well enough for the readers to truly feel it. Well crafted...
Great Write!!!...^_^

[Samuel Dickens]

Very nicely done. Sam

[M@]

"A fire burns brightest when first ignited," seems to come to mind after reading this piece, as does, "A fire burns brightest at it's source."

To be honest, the language used in this poem, coupled with the fact that it's about a relationship ending, rivals most wanna-be high school poets who believe they're doing something for the betterment of mankind by publishing their personal problems to the world (a tad biased, I know). However, any and all opinions of that are soon washed away after seeing the levels of complexity that you've woven into the fabric of the simplistic word choice. Rhyme scheme? None. Tangible situation? Slightly. Will it strike the reader? Only if they've been in a situation like this before. What makes this piece shine? The fact that it touches on a depth of the human condition that won't necessarily shake personal foundations, but it will cause the reader to think and feel about the way they approach other human beings, which makes for great poetry. For instance of what I mean, the lines, "New was only at birth/Reality is here for a lifetime," captures the imagry of fire without expicitly stating anything regarding fire; fire burns brightest when first lit, then dies down and can be maintained forever, but never ignited to the point when it was first created. It's the simplistic nature of the wordplay that allows for these things to come across.

I don't know what your own feelings are on this piece, but if you're thinking of editing it further, I would make sure to keep that depth in there. If I'm completly wrong on everything I've said, then perhaps I'm just a slightly biased fan of simplistic word choice and small lines/stanzas that carry great weight.

[TL Boehm]

death comes in so many forms. Physical death and the cessation of a relationship...this is well defined in this poem.

[Stephen Ownby]

Wow, how sad. That is what happens to a lot of relationships, though. Good job capturing the feeling of helplessness and apathy.