Chapter 17: What If My Journey Is a Boomerang?

Some people return to their faith and that's ok too.

Jesus and I had an interesting history. After a long, committed relationship, we hit a wall and broke up. It was very messy. There wasn’t even a promise of still being friends. A few months went by as I talked with him, cried, sought advice from a close friend, and agonized over our future. I was sad and I thought it was because I had made a mistake by breaking up with him.

 

I became convinced we were meant to be together, so I begged him to take me back. I had changed some things about our relationship, but we were definitely back together again. Everyone saw us as a couple, and I was comfortable with that. That was fine for a little while, but then I became really troubled about some of his beliefs. I asked a lot of questions that he didn’t have good answers to. When I thought hard about the history of our relationship, I saw that I had doubts all along, but had just brushed them off. A quiet disappointment settled over me as I realized that I didn’t want to be with him anymore. This time, the break-up was much cleaner. Without giving an explanation, I packed up my stuff and moved on with my life with no regrets. It was over, and this time it was for good.

 

Just like in normal relationships, you may “break up” and “get back together” with Jesus, and you have every right to do that. I know I did, and I’m sure others have too. One of several things could result from that.

 

One option is, you regain your faith in Christ and live happily ever after as a Christian until your dying day. And if that’s how it happens for you, then cool. More power to you. Another possibility is, like me, you return to your faith only to remember why you left in the first place, and get out with more determination to stay out. Either way, you end up with more knowledge and experience than you had before, so it’s a win-win situation.

 

A third possibility is you may return to your faith, but join a congregation with different ideals than your former church. If that interests you, there is a new kind of Christian church emerging these days that seeks to turn typical faith upside down. I have been impressed by the Revolution churches in NYC, Atlanta and Charlotte, North Carolina. They meet in bars and are typically more open-minded about social issues than the average American church.

 

My point is that it’s normal to want to go back to your faith for a number of reasons, and if you decide to return, then that’s okay. Maybe you’ll be happy, maybe you won’t, but giving it a try will help you know for sure either way. This is your journey and no one can walk it but you, so do what makes you happy.

 

This next part is for gay Christians. Yes, you do exist. With all the condemnation of homosexuality in churches today, the myth prevails that “gay Christian” is an oxymoron. Good, well-meaning church people believe this lie because (among other reasons) it has been repeated to them so many times We Exians, however, know that repetition does not make a statement true; it just makes it annoying.

 

If your only reason for leaving the faith was the fundamentalist condemnation of homosexuality, I am pleased to tell you that there is a whole denomination called Metropolitan Community Church that is known for embracing all types of sexual orientations. If you search for gay-affirming churches, you can find them, though there aren’t as many as I wish there were. 

 

Once upon a time, gay Christians were made to think that they had to choose between their sexuality and their faith, but now there are other options. No, despite what Fred Phelps would like you to think, God does not “hate f**s.” If you are LGBT and you would like to reconcile your sexuality with your faith, I recommend the book What the Bible Really Says About Homosexuality by Daniel Helminiak.

 

 Before deconverting, I researched this topic and found plenty of evidence that the Bible does not condemn homosexuality. I wrote several articles about my findings, using the book I just cited and a book by John Boswell titled Christianity, Social Tolerance, and Homosexuality: Gay People in Western Europe from the Beginning of the Christian Era to the Fourteenth Century.

 

A film on the subject is “Fish Can’t Fly” (“Fish Can’t Fly”) featuring, among several gay Christians, Peterson Toscano, whom I like to call the hero of the Ex-ex-gay movement. Peterson is a funny, relatable guy who works very hard to help his fellow gay Christians realize that they are accepted by God just as they are. He has written a lot of material that stems from his own experience as a gay Christian who tried unsuccessfully to change his sexuality in an attempt to please God. His website is www.petersontoscano.com

 

Science is finding more evidence to suggest that sexual orientation is not a choice, so I believe it is only a matter of time until more churches open their doors to the LGBT community.

 

Just because Jesus and I aren’t together anymore doesn’t mean that I don’t want anyone else to have him. My purpose in writing this book isn’t to convince you to “throw down your cross and follow me.” I just want you to feel free to have faith in whatever you choose without being motivated by fear.