Chapter 12: Depression: I Just Want to Feel Better

This chapter explores the stage of depression in the grief process.

 

 

“Depression” is such a bad word in the church. For the most part, it is not regarded by the church to be an actual medical problem, but a symptom of spiritual anemia. Their prescription for depression would read as follows: “Count your blessings” “Snap out of it” “Stop whining,” “Rejoice in the Lord,” or my personal favorite: “Rebuke the devil!” Blah[1] , blah, blah, blah, the list goes on. People who say these things are probably sincere, but they sincerely don’t know what the hell they’re talking about.

 

Here’s the deal: you are grieving a great loss right now. Even a very tough, smart, and optimistic person can experience a period of emptiness and darkness in their lives. If you’re doing fine, then great-skip this chapter! But if a perpetual cloud is hanging over you and your sadness starts to interfere with your life, like a change in sleeping and eating patterns, lack of energy, or lack of interest in things you used to enjoy, it’s a good idea to talk to your doctor about it, especially if these symptoms persist more than two weeks. Does this sound like a Zoloft ad yet?

 

It was tough to erase years of church programming telling me that depression is a sign of weakness, but when I had finally had enough of my emotional rollercoaster, I marched myself into my doctor’s office with my head held high and talked with her about my symptoms. Remember this: it takes guts to ask for help. She put me on a regular dose of anti-depressants, and I have been better off ever since! I laugh now when I remember how I used to be so opposed to taking anti-depressants. I sure am glad I got over that!

 

During that office visit, my doctor told me that the best results could be achieved with a combination of meds and counseling, which I was already doing. The two go well together. Going to a therapist taught me how to change my thinking and behavior patterns so that I could better cope with life, and meds balanced my emotions so I could think clearly and make healthy decisions. At first, I was totally freaked out about seeing a counselor. Most people are. Talking honestly about your deepest feelings with a stranger sounds intimidating, but it’s really not that bad.( Lying down on the couch, like on TV, is totally optional.)  After a while I actually enjoyed going! It’s really a great set-up. My therapist will never act shocked or make fun of you. She won’t force you to do anything you aren’t comfortable with, and she doesn’t tell you what to do-she helps you figure things out for yourself. Plus, therapists must maintain strict confidentiality.  Pretty cool, huh? I wonder if it’s similar to going to confession…

 

Just so you don’t sue me, I’m going to tell you that medication and counseling does not make your life perfect. Those things helped me quite a bit-but they didn’t put me in a state of perpetual bliss. I’m not sure any legal substance can do that for you! I still experience emotions like sadness, anger and happiness, but in more manageable doses instead of a drastic up-and-down pattern.

 

I want you to know that you have options. Depression doesn’t have to take over your life. Severe depression may influence you to think you are trapped, that no matter what, you will never feel better. Been there, done that, and it sucks. Feeling like there’s no way out is the worst. If the “s’ word crosses your mind, that should be a red flag to you. Suicidal thoughts should not be blown off as ‘no big deal.’ It IS a big deal. Your mind is playing tricks on you by telling you that death is the only way out of this nightmare.

 

I had two friends who believed that lie. One was sixteen, the other was nineteen. I now carry around their obituaries in my wallet as a reminder that nothing is worth taking your own life. Nothing. Your problems are fixable, whether it appears that way or not. If suicide seems like an option right now, put this book down, pick up the phone and call your doctor. Or your best friend. Or a mental health clinic. Or a hospital. Or the national suicide hotline at 1-800-SUICIDE.

 

 I know asking for help is embarrassing as hell. There’s nothing fun about it, but your life will start to get better when you have the courage to ask for help. And isn’t that what you want? I don’t think any of us really want to die; we just want to feel better, and doing something as simple as talking with your doctor can put you on the road to feeling better. There were (and still are) many times when I did not want to ask for help, but I knew that it was my responsibility to take care of myself. I can’t expect others to read my mind and know when I’m having a hard time-I have to tell them what I want them to know.

 

I know you may feel terrible right now, but trust me, no matter what your feelings tell you- it will get better.

 

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 [1]We Assembly of God folks used “rebuking the devil” as a catch-all solution, very similar to the way men use duct tape to fix everything. Except the duct tape is more useful. To think, all those years I screamed at the devil I could have just been using duct tape…