Chapter 8: Should I Try to Deconvert Christians?

About trying to deconvert Christians-

 

Don’t.

        

          Consider this: How effective would it be if someone tried to convert you back to Christianity? Probably not very effective. In the same way, it’s a waste of time to try to convince believers that they are wrong. A change that big has to be one’s own decision, and we know that as well as anyone. So, please don’t drag a horse to water and shove its head under to make it drink. The horse will probably kick you, and it will be your fault.

 

A Christian will either continue in their beliefs to the grave or change their mind along the way, and we must be careful not to say there is only one good way to go.

 

I discovered this while eating lunch with my Sociology professor. We were discussing how much we can’t stand church teachings, and how we are glad that we started questioning things. Then she told me something very important. She said: “Some people need those Christian beliefs and that’s okay. Some can’t handle questioning their faith and they like the way their religion simplifies life. That works for them. So we should leave them alone and just let them do their thing.” I have come to agree that as long as someone’s beliefs don’t hurt themselves or others, they should be allowed the freedom to believe it without harassment from me or anyone else. After all, for many people, Christianity provides comfort, happiness, and life purpose, and I’m not about to take that away from them. It’s like people who take a sugar pill and really think it makes them feel better. It’s not actually the pill, but a powerful thing called the Placebo Effect that makes them feel better.

 

Furthermore, I now understand that people don’t change until they are ready to change. For example, we all know people who know they would be healthier if they lost weight. Perhaps they have heart problems, diabetes, joint pain, back pain or various other ailments that could be eased by losing a certain number of pounds. No matter what, though, if a person is not ready to make lifestyle changes that would result in better health, then they won’t do it. So, knowing this, unless someone is making decisions that could end their life quickly (such as illegal drug use, suicide attempts, or dangerous sexual practices), I don’t say a word about it. If they express interest in changing their lifestyle, then I offer my support, but only if they want to.

 

It’s the same way with a person’s spiritual beliefs. I don’t believe in the concept of “God’s timing” but I do believe that every person’s life has seasons, which change periodically, and some seasons are more conducive to lifestyle changes than others. 

 

During high school, not only was I not mentally ready to de-convert, but my circumstances just weren’t right for it. High school was dramatic enough without dealing with a faith crisis at the same time. Also, I had not begun treatment for my anxiety disorder, so there’s no way I would have survived detox and the depression that comes with it under those circumstances.

 

College, however, was the perfect place for me to question my beliefs. I was living away from home in a diverse environment and I had professors who taught objectively in regards to religion. I learned about evolution, the Big Bang Theory, and the origins of major religions. The library became a second home to me where I spent hours devouring books, magazines and reports on a variety of subjects. Since no one was telling me what to believe, I had the freedom to decide for myself.

 

Interestingly enough, I had always heard in church that secular colleges were evil places where Christian teenagers had their minds warped by “secular humanism.” Youth pastors have long been pondering why their good little teenagers often drop out of church after enrolling at a secular university. Often, they unnecessarily blame themselves, saying “Maybe I did something wrong. I should have discipled my students more. I should have stayed in touch. I should have taken them on more mission trips…”

 

Many theories have been formulated about why college kids leave the faith, but I would like to suggest an idea that has not been presented: Could it be that when teens are finally given the chance to evaluate their beliefs themselves, they decide that their former ideas don’t hold water? Maybe their dearly held beliefs helped them in high school, but when moving into adulthood, were no longer necessary. A new season of life sometimes requires a new outlook.

 

That’s why I never criticize teenagers for believing, even if they are fanatics, like my former self. Christianity gave me an identity and kept me out of trouble during a time when my peers were making decisions that would haunt then for the rest of their lives. Anything that keeps a teenage girl from becoming a single mom, or a teenage boy from going to jail, is worth it (even if it is Christianity).