Chapter 5: Anger

 

First of all: forget everything your church taught you about anger.

 

If your experience was with a Bible-thumping, fundamentalist[1] church, you were probably taught that anger should be diffused as soon as possible. Let me re-educate you. Anger is a natural response to fear and hurt. It is not only natural but it is okay to go through a period of anger while you are leaving your beliefs. I remember feeling really angry at everyone who taught me to believe in the Christian faith. My ex-pastor, Sunday school teachers, Bible college teachers, Christian school teachers and anyone else who helped indoctrinate me were the targets of my anger.

 

And why shouldn’t I have been angry? I was realizing that everything I had been taught was a lie! Was I supposed to feel good about that? No, I wasn’t and you shouldn’t expect that of yourself either. Losing faith is like losing a loved one and the grief process is very similar. Remember learning about the 5 stages of grief? One of the first stages of grief is anger, so rest assured, feeling angry is natural.

Don’t feel like you have to squash your anger overnight. Like the common cold, it just has to run its course and the better you take care of yourself while it’s happening, the better it will go for you. It helps to have someone to vent to, as illustrated by this blog entry I wrote:

 

 

 

 

 

I call this the Anger Phase. I remember lying in the floor telling my roommate that I hated God, Christians, the church as a whole, Bible college...everything. I felt like all the time I had spent serving God had been a complete waste. All the way back to my childhood. This whole thing was a lie. It certainly wasn't God who told me to go to that dreadful college, I thought. I don't know God and apparently I never did. Maybe God doesn't even exist. I remember that for a while the only thing I had to say when I did pray was, " I hate you. That's how I feel and that's really all I have to say."

 

I cannot overestimate how thankful I am for my roommates who listened to me compassionately as I dealt with my anger. Writing also helped me manage my anger. I wrote many letters to people I was angry with, not to mail of course, just as a form of release. It made me feel like I had said my peace. Some of the things that I wrote surprised me. Keep in mind that I had the reputation of a mild- mannered little old lady when it came to profanity, and I found myself writing “ you Mother f****** son of a b****!” There’s a good reason I didn’t mail those letters! I recently described a church member I had clashed with as a “b*****d” and it felt really good.

 

 My point is: find a way to release your anger that doesn’t involve hurting yourself or someone else, because shoving down your pain, ignoring it and lying about it(especially to yourself) will not help you feel better.

 

As with all the stages of grief, this one doesn’t last forever. There’s no need in rushing yourself to “get over it.” If you love yourself and allow yourself to be loved by others, forgiveness will come naturally in time.

 

In the mean time, turn up your music and scream as loudly as you want to! Put your head under your pillow and let out all the rage and pain you’re feeling through all of this. If your roommates are like mine were, they will understand completely.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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[1] Why does that word start with “fun”?