Chapter 3: Welcome To Your New Life

Congratulations! Changes ahead

 

I recently took a survey on an ex-christian forum, asking the members what the easiest part of leaving their faith was. The overwhelming majority said “not living in fear anymore” and “not feeling guilty all the time.”

 

Aside from detox, my new lifestyle is much less depressing than my former one as a believer. Christian culture teaches that you should constantly feel guilty about something, not witnessing enough, not praying enough, not fasting enough, not reading your Bible enough, etc.

 

Then, besides the sin of omission, there’s also guilt about things you actually do. Example: How many of you were in youth group during puberty? Yes, I see those hands; you may put them down now. As a result, how many of you lived in guilt because you thought it was a sin to think about sex? Ah, hands going up all across the room. If I had been Catholic, I would have spent my entire eighth grade year in confessional, pleading guilty to *gasp* normal adolescence! I wonder how many Hail Mary’s it takes to absolve masturbation…

 

Church was a perpetual guilt trip. I’ve heard quite a few sermons about sin, and chances are you have too. Here’s a familiar one-

 

“Everyone take a piece of paper and write down a sin you are struggling with, then come up front and nail it to this wooden cross.” I’m not just picking on the ‘costals for that one; I’ve seen Baptists do it too. I’m sure there were many illustrations about sin I missed out on, but the point is, we were constantly focusing on sin. Think about your sin, pray about your sin, write about your sin. And if you live pretty tamely, find something, anything, to repent of. The sin of worry, gluttony, goofing off in class, not practicing your clarinet, or if nothing else, the sin of not being perfect.

 

A blog entry from when I started discovering a guilt-free life:

 

 

 

 

I went and hung out with my guy friends last night. My, how people change. A little over a year ago, I probably would have thought it was horribly wrong to go to an all-guys dorm( aka Motel 6 or Lo Costa), hang out with guys with the door closed and watch a cartoon show that had actual cuss words in it. I think I used to think everything was a sin. People change though.

 

I take great pleasure in telling you that your days of perpetual guilt are over if you want them to be. Of course your initial period of detox may involve a lot of guilt-I know mine did-but that doesn’t last forever. I’ve now gotten to the place where I only feel guilty when I actually do something wrong, as opposed to imagining things I might have done wrong that I need to repent for.

 

It feels really good to curse now and then without feeling badly about it. I restrain myself in settings where it wouldn’t be appropriate (teaching school, around religious people, or in any kind of formal environment). I guess one good thing about growing up Christian is that it doesn’t take much for me to feel satisfied in my rebellion. Some people choose to rebel against their upbringing with drinking and drugs; all it takes for me is buying gay-themed books, cursing, and wearing clothes that actually identify me as a female. This is just too easy! I wore my first halter top this summer and I must say, I looked good in it! I think every woman should have the right to look in the mirror and think, “Damn! I look sexy!”

 

Of course some things didn’t change. I’m comfortable around social drinking, but I don’t enjoy being around drunk people (as a result, I don’t go to college parties!). Never have and probably never will. I still have no desire to smoke cigarettes because I like to take care of myself. Some people are different though. When my friend Dave went through his ex-Christian rebellion phase, he partied every weekend, and I don’t judge him for that. I have known Dave for a long time and I knew that he needed that wild time in his life. I also know Dave is very responsible and that his fun weekends wouldn’t lead to anything serious like alcoholism. After a while, he decided on his own that he was through partying and went back to life as normal.

 

I used to believe that non-Christians had no moral compass to guide their decisions. That is not true. When I de-converted, I did not suddenly get the urge to go on a killing spree, use drugs, or even exceed the speed limit. Kind of a letdown when you think about it…

 

Now, instead of using the Bible to tell me what to do and how to live, I think about the consequences of my actions to determine if I should do it or not. If it could hurt me or someone else, I know I shouldn’t do it.

 

It’s quite simple, really. I was expecting decision-making to be harder than this!

 

All right, it’s time to make this book useful. Get a pen and paper and make a list of things you’ve always wanted to do, but couldn’t because you believed it was a sin. Depending on what persuasion of belief you were, this list could have a wide range of items. Here are some mild ideas to get you started:

 

1.                  Going to a movie theater[1]

2.                  Drinking caffeine[2]

3.                  Taking a Tylenol[3]

4.                  Watching an R-rated movie

5.                  wearing midriff-baring clothing

6.                   Dancing[4]

7.                  listening to rap music

 

If you’re feeling slightly more ambitious:

1.                  Get a piercing

2.                  Get a tattoo

3.                  Dye your hair a florescent color and shave it into a Mohawk

4.                  Go to a bar. When you order your drink, use cool phrases like “dirty” and “on the rocks”, just like in the movies. Drink the whole thing down in one shot, and slam the glass down on the bar for a big finish. Oh yeah. You are bad now!

 

And for the finale (but only if you are brave):

1. Vote for a Democrat[5]

 

Now, make up your mind to go do an item on your list.

 

Besides freedom from perpetual guilt, another bonus I experienced after de-converting is a heightened respect for others. I used to think that we Christians were superior to all other people because we were the special “children of God”; everyone else was lumped into a category called “the lost.” Any relationships I had with non-Christians were pretty much just a formality. It was all a part of “relationship evangelism”, which I think is one of the sickest, most twisted teachings I learned in church. For those of you who were spared this appalling teaching, I will explain.

 

Relationship Evangelism is when a Christian forms a relationship with an unbeliever for the purpose of converting them to Christianity. Pretty sick, huh? How would you like it if you found out that the only reason someone is your friend is because they want to sell you something? Exactly. Sometimes it’s called “reaching people”, but what it should be called is “lying”. You pretend to be interested in someone for who they are, but all you really care about getting them to “make a decision for Christ.” We were all cautioned not to get too close to these non-Christians. (Why? Isn’t it kind of cultish to encourage separation from the general population?)  Because I believed so whole-heartedly in this practice, I was condescending towards non-Christians, and didn’t value them just for who they were. *Sigh*, thank goodness those days are over! This blog entry shows how I went through that process:

 

 I realized something today. Since this whole fallout with God my life isn't sectioned off anymore. I don't have my "church" friends, my " Unsaved friends" and my " Saved but unchurched friends", etc. I haven't made it a point to ask any of the people I hang out with now about heir spiritual beliefs so everyone is in one category: friends. Likewise I haven't talked to most of them about my spiritual beliefs ( mostly since they're so fuzzy right now).And I like it that way, and I don't want to ever change that. It's nice to just be someone's friend without having an agenda

 

To me, people are just people, and I do not much care about their religion. Giving up my beliefs put me on a regular playing field with everybody else, and helped me realize that everyone is equal. Now that I am a non-Christian, socializing is much easier because I am no longer trying to sell Jesus. I just get to be myself! In the process, I have made many new, amazing friends that I never would have gotten to know before. Humanity has so much more in common than I ever knew. Everyone makes mistakes, everyone has dreams, and we are all just looking for somewhere to belong.

 

 

 

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[1] who else has heard the “what if Jesus comes back while you’re in that theater?” speech?

[2] Hey, all things are possible with dogma

[3] What! You don’t believe God can heal your headache? Bring out the anointing oil!

[4] Most churches frown on pre-marital sex. Why? Because it might lead to dancing. (insert laughter)

[5] Every Christian knows that Jesus was a Republican!