Chapter 1: The Break Up

What does it mean to "break up with Jesus" and what is this book's purpose?

Emerging from the constraints of religion is like coming out of a bad relationship. You're breaking up with Jesus, so to speak, and as such, it's totally normal to experience the same roller coaster emotions you had after a jerk broke your heart in high school.

 

There's:

· Anger: “How could they treat me that way?" "How could I LET them treat me that way?"

· Denial: “This isn't happening. I will wake up tomorrow and everything will be back to normal.”

· Self-blame: "Maybe if I had tried harder, this would have worked.'

· Fear of the future: "What will I do now?” This person was my life, my everything! I don't know who I am anymore without them."

[Enter Identity Crisis]

 

     Of course you don't HAVE to experience all of these feelings, everyone is different, but if you do, take comfort. You are not crazy and you are not alone. Many of us have experienced the same thing and came through it just fine. Different, but just fine.

 

     I know the future may look scary right now. Depending on how long you were a Christian, this could mean a whole new way of living. You'll have to figure out who you really are without all the pressure to conform to spiritual ideals.

    

     While I was transferring out of Bible college, I was not only switching locations and leaving friends, but I was, in a sense, leaving myself behind as well. The girl who lived in guilt and constantly did a whole list of things to "please God", was left behind. It was time to discover who I really was.     

      Initially, it felt like a rug had been ripped out from underneath me, but in time, I discovered the freedom that comes with making my own decisions. I was no longer afraid of what people thought of me! Before, I would have found a new group of Christians and try to fit in with them, but now I suddenly had the freedom to choose my friends without putting them in categories. In youth group, I was taught that there are two kinds of people in the world: "saved" and "lost", and I should be spending as little time as possible with the second category. In my new life with no constricting beliefs, people are just people. I love the freedom in hanging out with anyone and everyone, learning from their diverse experiences and growing as a person. So, even though your future might be a blank slate right now, you can have a lot of fun filling it up! It may just take time.

 

     Throughout this book, I will use examples from my own journey out of Christianity; sometimes I will do this by including related journal entries I wrote during that time. To give you a point of reference, I will give you the short version now and fill in the gaps in later chapters.

 

     I was the poster child for Christianity for most of my life. From kindergarten through twelfth grade, I attended a Christian school, where I memorized scripture, helped lead a Christian club that met before school and helped lead worship at our weekly chapel service. I was active in church and firmly believed that God had called me to full-time ministry.

 

     After high school graduation, I moved to Texas to attend a Christian university, which, for the rest of the book, I will refer to as CU. After three semesters, I had seen so much corruption in “the great institution of Christianity”, it made me sick. The experience was, for the most part, a nightmare for me and my family. Before starting my second year, I slipped away quietly and moved closer to home to continue my education at a state university. Starting that summer, it took a year for my faith to completely dissolve.

 

     I have asked myself many times over the course of this last year: “Why is it that I lost my faith and people in my same situation went on believing?” The best answer I have is the one I read in a news story tonight about a reporter who lost his faith. Every Christian eventually comes to a place in his life where he has no reason at all to continue his beliefs. Maybe it’s a tragedy, an intellectual question, or something else entirely that challenges his faith, but somehow a roadblock is in his path and there is a decision to make. Option 1: Continue on in blind faith or Option 2: Give up on Christianity and find something more believable.

 

     This book is for those of us who have chosen Option 2. Our decision doesn’t make us any better or worse than the Option 1 people; it just means we have chosen a different life path than they have. You have your own story, and it may not look a thing like mine, but we have a lot in common. We put our faith in something and we were let down. No matter how long or deep your Christian experience was, the process of leaving can be traumatic. There are not many resources out there for people in our situation, so I took it upon myself to create this handbook to address the needs, fears, and challenges we ex-Christians face.

 

     Let me clarify here and now that the purpose of this book is not to convince Christians to give up their faith. There are plenty of books in that category already. This is a guidebook for those who once considered themselves Christians, but now, for whatever reason, they no longer hold those beliefs and they wish to cross over to a new way of life.

 

     This book is meant to be like a friend to you; a friend who supports you no matter what, understands what you are going through, and makes you laugh when you take yourself too seriously. No matter how long, short, rough, or rocky your journey, remember that we are in this together. My hope is that within these pages, you find the strength and hope to thrive in this new season of life.

Reviews

[bob, small b. aka invs]

i just stumbled across your writing here. i think it's an excellent idea for a book. as a recovering fundamentalist, i understand the crisis of faith and the process of withdrawl. although i opted for your option 1, continuing in blind faith, it required a lot of rethinking and still requires a lot of work to maintain a faith different than the one you were raised in. i'll come back looking for more chapters.