You Dont Know What Love Is

YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT LOVE IS

Article By: Aida Torres

 

“The collective impression that is evident to me about love, it is that most people don’t have it because they don’t deserve it.”

 

LOVE IS CERTAIN. I’m going to start by assuming you aren’t sure what you’ve been experiencing in your relationship is the simple bliss you have experienced in other areas of your life, doing something you are passionate about and know exists. I’m not here to flaunt the perfect relationship or discourage you, nor am I writing a how-to book. This advice is not intended for use as a measuring stick, or check list to evaluate your relationship by. It is to evaluate yourself by. The ability to love is rare and I mean RARE. I have yet to meet more than three couples in my adult life who also experience love as the effortless, divine force, I know it to be. The true love that blooms when chemistry is fortified by a singular desire for the same things.

 

YOUTH AND LOVE DO NOT MIX. Marriage is still most common between the ages of 18-26 year olds. The divorce rate is highest amongst 18-28 year olds. These couples maintained the belief that they would be together for better or worse, until death do them part, despite all evidence to the odds being against them, more than any other age group. The fact that they disregard that gives me a great starting point on the sad reason the love I am talking about is so rare, because people are getting married before they are even capable of it. When asked about who brought up the marriage issue %98 of men AND women admitted that woman, not only brought it up but that the men felt pressured and some where even directly given an ultimatum. The point is love is an ability that requires the total lack of youthful traits like pressure, insecurity and jealousy. It entails knowing the word “pragmatically”, so you can argue that way. Forcing marriage is an affront to love itself.

 

YOU NEED EXPERIENCE. I am not saying youthful emotions aren’t as real as any others, or that the relationships of our teens and twenty’s aren’t useful, I’m saying the complete opposite. Your emotions are more intense in youth and based on provocation, which leads to acting on them, as opposed to the more mature reaction of evaluating them. Love is not two people looking at each other, it is two people looking at the same far off point in the distance. In youth you know what you want with little experience as to what you like. Finding out what you like, who you want to be, where you want to go and what you are willing to address in your life to get there is the first step. This process, like any scientific arrival at a truth, takes evaluation, a hypothesis of what to change to get the desired outcome, years of experimentation and finally a definite formula is revealed.

 

LOVE IS SOMETHING YOU ARE, NOT SOMETHING YOU’RE IN. Which leads me to my next point. Before you enter a relationship you need to know that love is not something you are “in”, it’s not a magical ball placed over your relationship that flickers on and off with every mood and fight. Love is a light that comes from within and radiates outwardly like the sun, warming anyone with ability to get close to it and repelling those who do not have it, do not understand and therefore do not trust it. This is the good thing about being love, you attract everyone because you honestly do not need anything from them, and you simply wait for the recognition of the same light in another. Love being an ability not a phenomenon can be strengthened in another, simply through leading by example and choosing a person who is mature and open enough.

 

LOVE IS NOT, “you complete me”, it is you increase me. Love is not “All You Need” it is all you have, and all you’re willing to accept. Love is not when “Two Become One “or “Two Souls Inhabiting One Body”. That would be the equivalent of mixing two paints into one murky, nondescript blob all just to get one less color. Instead you could paint the same picture using two distinct colors that compliment, as appose to change each other. Having someone attempt to change you is a direct insult and will only lead to resentment. Another thing love is not is a bargaining chip you can, or will ever need to give away, or regulate. The shedding of anything that has impeded you from being happy is pivotal before moving on. All things negative must be accepted and released. The past is only clouding your vision, especially if you were hurt. Giving yourself the permission to a blank slate emotionally, must be authentic. You absolutely will not be happy if you attempt to predict every new persons actions by referencing the worst case scenarios you’ve had in the past.

 

FIX YOURSELF. If you've witnessed divorce or felt abandoned, you need to address that or it will make you clingy, out of fear, and manifest into the exact thing you’re afraid of. I came from the worst possible scenario. In the throes of puberty, completely without any guidelines, advice or discipline, I could have easily been scarred for life. With no one to, at the very least point out to me that,  "not all men are like that" and that’s not what all relationships will become. I subsequently picked the bad ones for their confidence and lavishing of attention, they of course cheated, reaffirming what I already thought. By fourteen I hated men. I entered relationships with total reckless abandon because I did not care about anything but getting the attention I was devoid of at home and the companionship I lost with my family. When I didn’t I reveled in creating panic, drama and pain. I did this up until I took a less cynical look at life and what it had to offer.

 

THEN I MET ALEX, who was exactly what I finally knew I wanted. There are universal truths that become apparent when you find this; love becomes effortless, you never ever get the urge to hurt or disrespect the other let alone actually doing it, total security in the fact that you want to be together, the freedom from wondering if the other is as happy as you, daily affirmations and expressions of gratitude are the norm. We recognized the rarity of what we had, that we were each other’s sun. This kind of love is only rare because the ability to love is so rare. When you are capable of this and find another who is, trust it, wholly and fully, give yourself over tothe love inside of you. Love until it overflows and anyone who loves the same will drink.

 

           

               

Reviews

[Horizons]

The things you`ve expressed to this page`re very appreciable, & seemed like they just came outta your cerise heart... into the beams of words which lighten the time. In 21st. Century, it`s very hard believing in someone not because, nobody wants believing in others, but cause.. the wickedness of hearts has made the 'faith' faithless.. to love so, everyone fears of getting hurt, betrayed or crushed... by love. I do adore your thoughts you`ve cracked on or `bout "love". Yes, it`s not becoming two souls one, but painting a pic. with two colors to making it one letting the shades of both colors emerge into each other. Very thought-provoking concept.

One of my fav. writes!

Ps. The way you start writing the post, & the way you beautifully ends it all up with wisdom is all what makes your write good-reading. However, I must say, you have very beautiful knacks of writing. I meant, I figure it out that you`ve used key-points in this post which make an article worth-reading as well. So, I appreciate it. To me, this post`s seemed like a blog. I`d send you "private-mail" to recommend you some sites where you can post such deep articles & attract more loyal audiences to your pages. If you`d like those sites, you may visit and if not, you may ignore the mail.

Loved this post!
I`d be looking forward to stopping by again... to reading your stuffs. Stay in touch!

[Cool Girl]

You hot some good points! Love takes commitment and you must be the love! lol :)
I really enjoyed reading your article..

[Amorous Aida]

Thank you I really appreciate you reading it since I'm new to this site :-)

[Cool Girl]

You're welcome! :)

[MoriartyMesa]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tUYGzZ0tQpA