Confessions of a broken soul...

She is standing by the coast,

Waiting, as she always does,

Tonight there’s a tempest,

The gale bellows ruthless,

Brutal waves lash at her feet,

While scared crabs rush in a fleet.

But, tonight she stands strange,

Undeterred as if is in a trance,

She has stripped herself bare!

Weary of holding that mask of dare.

As shreds of linen shimmer and fall,

Glistening skin - a slow expose.

 Tonight she stands unclothed,

Her mask removed and discarded.

Her camouflage of expediency,

At last drained of its potency!

Tonight the tears gush like blood,

Pouring with the waves to further the flood,

Glistening skin so fair yet cold,

She shivers and shudders-yet none to hold!

 

Since ages and days, she had stood and stared,

Departed each day, with hopes still spared,

That he would return,

Over that upturn,

For her to hold

To herself she told!

But, tonight she has lost,

Given up those hopes foremost.

 

Tonight she is bare,

Tempting all to dare.

Tonight she kneels,

And tonight she weeps,

Tonight she is in fear,

While they greedily jeer.

 

And - tonight she breaks,

While, they rush at her wrecks!

 

 

 

Reviews

[lostvampgurl]

good poem. it expresses well. but i would suggest that you have a constant pattern through out the piece. if you're going to rhyme the last word in the sentence do it the same way. like for example: "AABB," or "ABAB" a simple change like that will allow it to read more fluently.

[Revery]

I like how you paint the picture with words, rhyming them so well so they roll of the tongue. The emotion and brokeness of the soul is expressed strongly. Excellent write.

[Kaa Na Kalyanasundaram]

Very nice. emotional write. The word power with you is a treasure in the poetry world. With regards.

[Cassie Fraga]

wow!!! not only did you take my minds eye on a trip into your words... but can feel the emotion and flow of message... great work!!!

[SINDE]

I created the picture of broken soul as she chose to be laid bare before all and sundry. The symbolism is also appealing. The archetype 'standing by the
coast' is an awesome illustration of one who's ready to take on a multitude. But she's not there to front but to tear down the fortified walls of her person. She is ready to be judged and scorned.
'And - tonight she breaks,
While, they rush at her
wrecks!'
The description is remarkable though some lines weren't so obvious to one's understanding. But overal, this is an excellent piece of art.

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

We must give to get... being open brings great risk of being hurt but putting up walls is a sure way to the agony of loneliness. Very well written and expressed.

[Hunter Hoburg]

I like the feeling of waiting and futility in this poem. Sometimes the rhyming seemed a bit forced, and I've always held that trying to rhyme can make the language seem rough. Two parts I thought may be examples are "That he would return, over that upturn" or "Her camouflage drained of its expediency, at last drained of her potency!" That's really the only thing I could point out to make it better. Very good overall though!

[Moriarty]

A very powerful and well written piece...love the way the words flow...seems to bring the sea to life ...one can actually feel the rushing of the waves...love these lines ''And - tonight she breaks,
While, they rush at her wrecks!'' Very well done...

[paparapapa]

Wow. I think you painted the picture perfectly. You have carefully chosen your words that will describe each detail of the scene thoroughly. Simply beautiful. Thanks for sharing such a lovely poem.