My Battle

This is not finished and I know I will have things to add later.

[NOTE: This is based off my experiences. Everyone experiences depression differently.]

 

Depression is long car rides because you dread going home. Long trips crying around town and constantly giving into the compulsion to just drive far away and never return, because whatever is out there has to be better. Playing the same song over and over just because it is familiar and comforting when everything else feels far away. Sometimes, wishing to drive off the road and end it all.

 

Depression is an unhealthy relationship with food. Eating until you cannot keep another bite down and you end up throwing it back out. Sometimes doing this on purpose. Hiding food in various places for bad times hoping no one finds it. Other days, not remembering to eat, because eating holds no importance. Nothing sounds appetizing. Nothing sounds even remotely good. Becoming nauseated every time you look at, smell, or think about food.

 

Depression is physical pain. Muscles aching every time you get out of bed. Head reeling in pain. Breathing becomes difficult in every situation. A thousand weights crush down on your bones, trying to crack them under pressure.

 

Depression is compulsions to jump out the window. Finish the bottle of pills. Anything to stop feeling, because it is one of the worst feelings in the world.

 

Depression is hiding in the bathroom. Waiting to go home. Avoiding those who add to your stress and your pain.

 

Depression is walking the line between enough medicine to take you away for a few hours and enough medicine to make you sick the next morning.  Hiding the amount of medicine you take to not cause alarm. Drifting off into sleep, that you may or may not wake up from.

 

Depression is prescriptions that do nothing but make you something other than who you are. Numbing you to all things- pain, joy, and happiness. Nothing matters anymore. Nights wondering if the problem can ever be fixed, or if you are defected beyond repair.

 

Depression is faking sick because going out and being around people is the most exhausting thing in the world.

 

Depression is hiding scars. Keeping them beneath your clothes so people do not notice, asking where they are from. Lying because the truth is horrible and makes you feel broken.

 

Depression is hiding your pain. Keeping your tears hidden, so you do not have to give a reason when people ask what is wrong- that the reason is them.

 

Depression is laughing and smiling but not realizing it. Living outside of your body, and watching you live a life you do not feel apart of. Having the feeling that this is not your life.

 

Depression is a battle.

 

Depression is not my weakness.

Reviews

[therisa]

Angel, I wouldn't added anything, to this. I think you have covered everything that depression can be, and then some. I say this, from personal experience, for depression can be, an inspiring condition, which some of my most moving poetry is written, during this period of time.

The first paragraph feel awkward to me, you may want to rework it. Just my opinion. Am hoping, with exams here, you're not battling depression, while trying to write your December exams.