You say it broke your heart?

Brace yourself...

I read an article written by a renowned writer about sexual abuse. In the process of collecting data and statistics she spoke to the people over the phone or even met them, who were subject to such treatment. She said in the end, "It broke my heart. This one really did."
To that unknown friend I write this...
A different side to it..

You say it broke your heart?

Lingered his touch even after it stopped
The horror too great to take, the tiny creature lay there
The numbness cut open her heart to feel the mighty twinge of humiliation

The nightmare's over! Well, No...
She fidgeted at the mere touch of anyone later
Too uncanny and confused she didn't want to be rude as she freed and distanced herself
Cringed at most unlikely similar news, horrifying it recurred all over again to her
The subconscious was doing its part well

Trust lost in the others and in herself too...
Never she felt more exposed and vulnerable before
She wished against wish it hadn't happened to her, if she could just erase it forever..
But it lingered and showed itself in the creepy nights to horrify her

Tears were her constant companion, it presented itself when she was upset, angry and full of hatred.
Her loathness did not lessen but increased as it flowed
She embraced herself as it gave her a new lease of life..

She once came across such other piteous being traumatised as a young.
The trauma too heavy to bear it covered itself with many masks.
"Very well made over" it thought..."now I am over it".
Days passed..

Strangely and shockingly it realised the act now happened in its own hand and ruined the life of one other
It collapsed at such realisation. "How could I?" It thought wretchedly
"How could I ever do this to the other after all that I went through?"
It cried at the loss of an explanation. It could not bear this.
It looked up in the mirror and saw a total stranger in the reflection, a person whom it did not know was staring back at it. Distraught and unkind.
The masks refused to fall...The subconscious had done its part well again...

It fell too heavy on her shoulders. It could not have been more disturbing to know that whom she wanted to kill apart was already half living, a life miserable, pathetic worse than herself and needed help.
The anguish with which she lived so far melted away in the realisation of much deeper pain of the other.
There could not have been anything more disturbing yet painfully liberating.
The pain somehow got washed away with the last drop of tear promising never to return again...

Reviews

[not your muse]

my last two poems were inspired by elements i found here, so i wanted to thank you before removing it from my reading list. thanks, Shwetz :)

i thought i was going to carry a secret to my grave, but it took me over a decade to spill it out.

[Shweta]

Talk it out.. that's the best part of poetry..few words, more context and meaning. Speak it out, you will feel wayyyy better.

Publish it here if not anywhere else, it's like putting out to the world and sharing it with them.

Glad my write inspired you to write. Pleasure is mine.

[not your muse]

i don't think anything needs to be published. i'm just grateful to that one friend who showed genuine interest and asked for more detail. people may get glimpses at times regarding that from my poem like: they won't look you in the eyes anymore.

i edited 👆 quite a bit to make sure i didn't give any excess information, but i didn't know i would cut it from five para to three para to three sentences. i'm quite a shady editor, i guess. haha…