To a friend I’ve never seen

I asked what she’s looking for

The self I lost, she said

I asked if she’s around,

Just a walk away she replied

I asked where she’s at

She pointed at the cross roads

I asked her to draw me a map

She drew a line

She drew a curved line

She drew a circle, a perfect circle

She stood in the center,

Brave, without a mask

With her arm raised,

Pointing at the beginning

Which was the end which was the beginning,

Which was the……………..

Honest with her soul bared on the screen

In black and white for all to see

Like the rest of us try to do,

But this wasn’t trying, it was real.

 

(I wonder what she looks like,

This friend that I’ve never seen)

 

Reviews

[The Raven King]

This seems to be a personal poem. I feel like an outsider intruding on a private thought in which some things are revealed and others are impossible for a mind, other than the author's, to decipher. I like your use of syntax for the most part, but I think you should read it out loud to yourself. There are some parts where the rhythm and tempo seem a bit off and it slows down the pacing. I think if you take out a word here or there that do not add to the poem it will add speed and purpose to the piece. I believe you meant to spell wander as wonder in the second to last line. I did enjoy it, but I wish I was smarter in my ability to decipher the subject matter.

[R J Askew]

Well I like curves and circles. All this online stuff I wonder a lot about though. We are learning to relate to other through words alone with all the senses -- apart from sight -- removed. Sometimes I think if our essence is in the words. Also as we spendd more time on line as a species we probably will adapt senseless (literally) relationships. For some this will be great as it will cut the 'lottery of looks' out of the equation. For others it will lead to frustration only. But there is no going back now. The new relationships are here to stay.

[Sean M. Addams]

awesome job..alot of thought behind this piece and very well expressed...imagery in this was done well.. overall a very amazing write..keep up the great writes!!!

[Emily B]

this is amazing . . . wonderful poetry

I want to thank you for sending it my way :))))

[Y.F.]

It reads to me as a poem about self search and understanding, brought to us through an outsider's point of view, but may also refer to ourselves as the strangers in our lives (as you were really playing with duality and subtext).

I have to say I can't completely agree about our lives being a circle, as we change all the time in all sorts of directions (a 3d piece of space maybe? ;)), but I do like the picture you've presented here.
These last two lines take everything you've written, and put a question mark behind them, which is quite bold, and yet you've made it work.

I was a bit uneased with the lines -
"Pointing at the beginning
Which was the end which was the beginning,
Which was the……………..",
as they offer a bit too much repetition for such a complex text, but they are so deep in meaning that they grew on me by the 4th-5th read.

I still have a bit of a problem with:
"I asked her to draw me a map
She drew a line....",
because I keep imagining her drawing it on a piece of paper. then again if you were to say something like "she draw a line in the sand", you were to ruin the repetition in the following lines, and the previous line is long enough as it is, so I currently hold no suggestions on how to fix it.

To sum up, although this poem isn't my usual style, I've enjoyed it very much, mainly because of the great imagery and the interesting form in which it was presented.

Well done. :)

[QuietPoet]

This seemed like it was a deep and some saddness in the write. I had a picture in my mind the whole time of reading. Very nicely written. Loved it.

[John McGrael]

this is really really really cool!!!
i was just reading some T.S. Eliot... so i had the mindset of reading great poetry while reading it... a mindset that this poem demands

[Michael X]

straighT poetry, and the fact it creates such a strong impression makes this a pleasure read. strong points, abstract of it all, so it was focused but failed to deliver on wording, this seems like a first draft imo, but has the making of a brilliant poem that could be considered a phenomonal read, what i would do, in the opening give the reader the understanding, so we arent guessing who she is, like almost sounds like you are talking about destiny or something of that nature. i think breaking into paragraphs would lend better and more powerful emphasis on key elements that bring this poem to life. 100/100 for originality, you have an original piece going here.

[E. A. Fielder]

I liked this. It had simple detail but yet it had depth.