Urban Stroll

 

 

“I wish it would rain,” I thought,

As I walked down a strange and yet familiar road,

Where real people live in tall buildings,

Where they only shout to hide their fears,

And they only run to feel the breeze against their skin,

I guess it makes them feel alive for a while.

 

You can see the hurt on every strangers face,

And feel the rage in all their eyes,

If you don’t, they’re not from around here.

 

“She should have been an actress,” I thought,

As I watched the girl in the see through blouse,

With her golden locks and cheap perfume,

“B*****d” she said as she walked me by,

“You are all the same”

I didn’t look back, I never do, not any more.

 

Reviews

[jenniewren (J.W. Bouwma..]

Where real people live in tall buildings

that line feels like such a telling one.. it enforces that emotion of "otherness" and surreality i get from this piece. it is forlorn, yes, but a sort of ingrained forlornness where you don't even feel it hurting anymore.. it is just that constant..

so amazing a write my friend

[R J Askew]

Great job. You take the reader into the outsider's mind as he observe's the human gannet colony close up in all its vigorous hideousness. 'Strange yet familiar' seems to be the pivot of the poem. We are all part of this madness, yet it is madness!

[The Raven King]

Nah City of Angels is a bit cliche, but The Night Walker is a lot worse. I actually feel that every city has a little beast that lays beneath the surface. I don't think in titles til the end so I thought you were talking about no particular big city. Though wishing for rain and "she could have been an actress" were clues as to where. Last Stanza is the best. I do disagree with the line they only run to feel the breeze against their skin. As anyone "not from here" will tell you, Los Angelinos are the most hyper-active bunch of health nuts in the country. As per usual...love your voice ;)

[Emily B]

This is amazing. . . I wondered when I saw the title on the writings page if you meant City of Angels. It doesn't matter. The writing is strong. Those last three lines are just spectacular.

[Butterflymom]

I really enjoyed reading this piece. It was well described, and the sentiment was very well expressed. NICE!

[V. Lucien Maier]

Its short and sweet. Seems to make a point but I dont understand where it is going.
The structure and vocabulary are very good for the piece.

[LJW]

This is extremely good. The kind of writing I like that tells a simple story.

By way of critiquing, if I may:

You should use italics to write inner thoughts. Quotation marks are not necessary.

"strangers" should be "stranger's"

So glad I came to return the favor of reviewing. Will be back to read more.

[engin]

that's good poem...