Urban Stroll

 

 

“I wish it would rain,” I thought,

As I walked down a strange and yet familiar road,

Where real people live in tall buildings,

Where they only shout to hide their fears,

And they only run to feel the breeze against their skin,

I guess it makes them feel alive for a while.

 

You can see the hurt on every strangers face,

And feel the rage in all their eyes,

If you don’t, they’re not from around here.

 

“She should have been an actress,” I thought,

As I watched the girl in the see through blouse,

With her golden locks and cheap perfume,

“B*****d” she said as she walked me by,

“You are all the same”

I didn’t look back, I never do, not any more.

 

Reviews

[jenniewren (J.W. Bouwma..]

Where real people live in tall buildings

that line feels like such a telling one.. it enforces that emotion of "otherness" and surreality i get from this piece. it is forlorn, yes, but a sort of ingrained forlornness where you don't even feel it hurting anymore.. it is just that constant..

so amazing a write my friend

[Lorraine]

I love the relax approach of this poem as if the very thought having a stranger curse you is an ordinary (which probably is) thing. The very essence of a stroll is there, gradual and reflective; even in the face of a rather strong sense of bitter acceptance.

Keep Writing. ^___^

[quill of shadows]

as allways an amasing piece of work. its meaningful yet broad and mesterious at the same time. it seems no mater what the subject ur able to peer into the soul of the reader, though not every person relates in the same way your stories seem to have pionts that are relivent and meaningfull for everyone. for that i thank you congradulate you and envy you . keep up the good work i will send hate mail if u dont lol .sarry for speling im starting to improve thanks for bearing with me

[miSS LEaf]

i've enjoyed your particular style, how you've perceived everyday events and presented them as something worth pondering, so real and yet surreal :) i shall keep an eye on your next work
~L

[Coyote Poetry]

The poem is very good. Description brought me into the city with you. Big cities bring out the worst in people. I like the ending. Such truth in your words. A excellent poem.
Coyote

[Scarlet Pulse]

Very interesting poem with an interesting title. There are many details that I love about it. Your poems leaves a lot of question for me, as to what it’s about, although I have my ideas , I’m unsure. Good job.

[Alessander]

it didn't really get interesting until the last stanza , when it zeroed in on something specific- so in that vein, maybe begin it with the last and kinda work around with the rest of the sequence, going from narrow to broad- u could even end it with "I wish it would rain' - I know it's a radical restructuring, but just a thought. I really like the line "where real people live in tall buildings" - omnious and yet sad. However, I don't like "where they only shout to hide their fears". Intresting write.

[Tina Kline]

This one is really well written. I could picture this as if I were seeing it happen and having access to the person telling the story thoughts.

[Ferg]

Excellent piece of writing. I really feel like I am in the mind of the writer, watching the scenery go by as I stroll along the road.....

[Lauren Marie]

This poem told a great story, with visual aspects and feelings entwined into it.
This was a great read!
~Lauren