Deja vu

I like to dedicate this to Tom Waits, one of my favorite artists

 

Down at the Blue boys bar, just south of the river

Where the artists & the junkies, meet the lonely & the freak

To give each other a leg up the bottleneck,

And squeeze themselves in.

 

I’m on a stool by the bar, staring at an ashtray full of used cigarettes & burnt out matches,

In my hand, a chipped glass full of bourbon & attitude,

On my arms, a cheap date full of sweetness & gratitude,

For the drinks, which I’m about to buy.

 

As Tom’s waltzing Matilda all around the room,

Two old-timers (Mr. Has been & Mr. Could have been) exchange stories of what was once sweet, over a pint of bitter or two.

A young newbie by the jukebox listens in,

As he chalks his cue & skillfully twists a toothpick in his mouth.

 

“You know what’s wrong with me?” she asked as she sank another with a vengeance worthy of a queen,

“I’ve endured life for so long, that I’ve forgotten how to live it”

She said as she lit a smoke, smiled a plastic smile & exhaled a ghost like ring all out of shape.

I rolled my eyes & asked Blue for two more large ones on the rocks and two more beers.

(It’s going to be a long night & not a cheap one).

Reviews

[The Raven King]

Impressive once again. Love this. I don't know how old you are, but sometimes you write like you are no less than Two hundred and fifty-eight years old. Beautiful imagery. Awesome wordage. I like Witch instead of Which. Seems like there is an inner monologue within the inner monologue. Good stuff. I am a fan.

[QuietPoet]

This was interesting. I would like to see more tho. But nicely done.

[John McGrael]

couple spelling errors, but an incredible poem!!!

firstly its spelled deja vu; its french, translates roughly to "already seen"

second, "witch im about to buy" should be "which im about to buy" (unless u meant to use witch as a play on words or something like that)

thirdly "exchange storeys" should be "exchange stories"

just wanted to point those out cause they made me pause reading, they cause a break in the flow of reading, trying to help =]

but overall an incredible poem

[J Carly]

I think you've done very well with this one. The imagery was so vivid, I could taste the bourbon and smell the smoke. I love reading works that transport you to a front row seat as they set the scene.

"On my arms, a cheap date full of sweetness & gratitude." I loved this, I imagined she was dressed a little on the sleazy side, and perhaps wore too much makeup, but was far from being the kind of woman you'd pay fifty bucks for on a street corner.

I didn't think the ending needed any work at all. The rest of the story doesn't have to be told. It allows the reader to play out the rest of the night they way they want. Great Job.

[Butterflymom]

I've just re-read this, and I love the story interwoven in this. I am also a Tom Waits fan. The more of your writing I see, the more I see what a diverse and talented writer you are.

[Emily B]

All the smoke and color of the American Blues. I could see the story on the movie screen. Masterful presentation here. This is good stuff.

[Flo_writer]

I'm not really a fan of poetic prose but this was interesting. I thought the end could use a bit more story to it tho.

[deeps]

This is a awesome read here
I really enjoyed this write, it was intersting.

In my hand, a chipped glass full of bourbon & attitude,
On my arms, a cheap date full of sweetness & gratitude,

I loved these lines here, they stood out.

[Poeticpiers]

well observed and presented in poetic prose.I was particularly impressed by
I've endured life for so long I've forgotten how to live it

[Mandy]

I absolutly ADORE how I can actually visualize the scenery here. And how you threw in that humor, at the end really got me. I love this!