Deja vu

I like to dedicate this to Tom Waits, one of my favorite artists

 

Down at the Blue boys bar, just south of the river

Where the artists & the junkies, meet the lonely & the freak

To give each other a leg up the bottleneck,

And squeeze themselves in.

 

I’m on a stool by the bar, staring at an ashtray full of used cigarettes & burnt out matches,

In my hand, a chipped glass full of bourbon & attitude,

On my arms, a cheap date full of sweetness & gratitude,

For the drinks, which I’m about to buy.

 

As Tom’s waltzing Matilda all around the room,

Two old-timers (Mr. Has been & Mr. Could have been) exchange stories of what was once sweet, over a pint of bitter or two.

A young newbie by the jukebox listens in,

As he chalks his cue & skillfully twists a toothpick in his mouth.

 

“You know what’s wrong with me?” she asked as she sank another with a vengeance worthy of a queen,

“I’ve endured life for so long, that I’ve forgotten how to live it”

She said as she lit a smoke, smiled a plastic smile & exhaled a ghost like ring all out of shape.

I rolled my eyes & asked Blue for two more large ones on the rocks and two more beers.

(It’s going to be a long night & not a cheap one).

Reviews

[The Raven King]

Impressive once again. Love this. I don't know how old you are, but sometimes you write like you are no less than Two hundred and fifty-eight years old. Beautiful imagery. Awesome wordage. I like Witch instead of Which. Seems like there is an inner monologue within the inner monologue. Good stuff. I am a fan.

[Kenneth The Poet]

Very, very cool piece of work. Sounds like the intro to an awesome noir novel.

[Lorraine]

You make something really ordinary into something very interesting. The flow of this poem is exquisite and the imagery is elegant despite the rather gloomy situation. I totally love the passive tone. Awesome Poem.

Keep Writing. ^___^

[MagiCrystal]

A bar full of freaks ....in every corner..!
Smoke and alcohol..a long night
Music please?
Eyes of fire... and a good poem
:Live poetry...this is so nice
and time to spend..

[Coyote Poetry]

You told a real story. Description and conversation was amazing. I been in a few dark bars and had some long costly conversation. A excellent poem.
Coyote

[Christopher.Holmberg]

Very nice , you placed me in a setting that you manifested with heart i suppose...HUh a tom waits fan eh , me as well , good stuff, i cant wait to read more from the likes of you. Excellent composition...very well formed and written. Created an image i wish i could hold forever.

[April Child]

This is wonderful!!! So many great lines

"To give each other a leg up the bottleneck,
And squeeze them selves in."

"in my hand, a chipped glass full of bourbon & attitude,"

"Two old-timers (Mr. Has been & Mr. Could have been) exchange stories "

A scene brilliantly captured, I can hear it, see it, smell it and even taste that bourbon. Really well done, best thing I've read in I don't know how long!

[R J Askew]

Cracking read. This is as forward and fruity and up to its neck in life as Custard Pie was out of it. I forgot to say I thought there was wry humour in the pie. In this one the humour is like a full pair of sensuous lips heavily lipsticked. We feel as used and burnt out as the matches, but we don't care. We have a drink and company of th e opposite. What more is there? We know it's unsatisfactory in some ways. But on the other hand... Cheers, mine's a large one, Jude! I like the bitter/sweet dab, attitude/gratitude and I can see the cocky toothpick.

[LJW]

The last line is brilliant.

Been to that bar, seen that smoke ring. Nice, earthy piece here.

[Dianah]

Definately think Tom would appreciate this. You set the scene well. Although I can see why the last line in brackets was put in, I am not sure it is needed. However, I really liked the style of this. (but I am bit of a Tom Waits fan).

[Sorry Infamous]

Great imagery, a poem that tells a whole story with each line in each stanza.
"ashtray full of used cigarettes & burnt out matches"
"As he chalks his cue & skilfully twists a toothpick in his mouth" Both so descriptive and bold.