Take This Flag

 

Take away this uniform,

Take away this flag

Take these bullets; take this gun,

I ain’t fighting back,

Yesterday I killed a man

For the land of the free

But when I looked in to his eyes

He looked just like me; yes he looked just like me

 

So don’t take away that woman’s child

Don’t take away this woman’s man

Don’t blow their homes

Don’t burn their schools

For what’s under the sand

Yesterday I lost a friend,

Through the heart he was shot,

Our leader called his old mum

From the golf course lining up a putt

 

 

© The Flawed

Reviews

[spence]

A simple and concise message is portrayed in this poem, although the concept seems lost to so many when waving their flags and celebrating nationalities. Such ignorance serves the cosmopolitan ruling class very well when they want to cull the populace in their wars of atrocity and attrition, but whenever I read something like this it fills me with hope that their invisible empire may someday fall and we can put away such petty ideals.
You have conveyed the thoughts and feelings of a growing resistance to the established order in this write- 'poor people are killing poor people on behalf of the rich all across the globe'. It's a crime against humanity that has sent untold millions to their deaths. Hopefully the courage of your voice will make up part of the collective that ensure the destruction of those that rule in the hierarchy of hell on earth. Nice one, spence

[Lorraine]

It sure is a poem with a great sense of justice. While I think using a flag as a metaphor for power and such is a bit on the cliche side, I think it's quite befitting in this poem. It's amazing how you wrote a poem with a well-talked concept and stiil make it sound unique and touching.

Keep Writing. ^___^

[Sorry Infamous]

War, never is good for anyone. Powerful, liked the end of the first stanza
"Yesterday I killed a man
For the land of the free
But when I looked in to his eyes
He looked just like me; yes he looked just like me"

[Nancy Lee Shrader]

Congrats on your great winning poem. Well Done!

[Y.F.]

You're bringing me back to days I'd rather forget.
I have a similar poem in my collection, so I could send you a RR if you want (I never post links to my work on reviews).
Overall a good poem - you've tackled the subject very nicely and definitely made your point about it.
The only thing I didn't get about it was the last line ("long pot" = drugs? Can you really say that?).

The flow is ok, but I think that if you change the 3rd line from end to "Through the heart he had been shot," and the last line to "While practicing his pot" it'll flow better and be a bit more understood.
You might also want to consider - "Don't take away this woman's man" -> "Don't take away her man", "He looked just like me" -> "He looked like me" (*2).

A bit of a struggle with the rhyming, but you've made it work. :)

But hey, what do I know.........

[John McGrael]

powerful, very powerful

i like it

[Ferg]

This is a well-written and concise piece with a powerful message. Thank you for sharing it.

[Butterflymom]

I felt my stomach sink, and become filled with so many emotions. This is powerful, and displays intense feeling, and brought back so many memories. I've had many PTSD clients over the years (Vietnam era mostly), and the horrific stories and memories that they still carry. I've seen old men from WWII leave this world carrying their private and painful tales to the grave with them. Thank you for this emotional piece.

[Dianah]

What a moving poem. I know a few ex soldiers I bet would love this. One of them was presumed dead in the Falklands and his family mourned him. He turned up alive later. I think being a soldier must be one of the most difficult things in the world to do.

[quill of shadows]

i strongly agree my verry own brother nerrly went crazy in iraq he told my an extreamly graphic storry in wich he held his best friends brains in his head waiting for a med evak wich never arived and for wat our former pres finishing what his dad started