Anna�s song

 

If I was a dreamer,

I’d only dream of you.

If I was a dancer,

I’d only dance with you.

If I was a rich man,

I’d build you a throne out of gold,

And if I had one wish,

I’d only want to watch you grow old.

If I was a dying man,

I’d only want your kiss.

If I was to travel’

You’d be all that I’d miss.

If I was a wizard,

I’d make all your wishes come true,

And if I had the world,

I’d give it all to you.

If I was a sad man,

You could stop me feeling blue.

If I was a mad man…

But I am,about you.

                                    

                                          © The Flawed

Reviews

[The Raven King]

Since you requested a read through of this I'm going to give you constructive criticism as with any other request. This is a good heartfelt poem. A bit sappy for my taste, but I still liked it. I think the rhyming hinders rather than helps. You don't have to get rid of the rhyming, but complicate the diction a bit and take out the "If I's" so that the poem is less formulaic. I know it's a big no no to rewrite another poets words but this is just an example and I have no better tools in my humble opinions: When I dreamed I dreamed of you/ and how we danced and love pursued/I'd give the world if I could know/your happiness follows where I go...etc. etc.

I hope that I do not offend. I think creative criticism is the best gift you can give to a fellow writer and I owe it to you to give you just that. Thanks for your kind words. I'm flattered.

[deeps]

This is so wonderful and so sweet

[Kelz]

This was so sweet and made me smile. Thank you for sharing this.....just lovely :)

[theunknownchick]

Nice Work *thumbs up* Well done.

ﾑw乇丂oﾶ乇 ｱo乇ﾶ♥

ﾒoﾒo
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[Emily B]

I have an Anna. That's what brought me to your writing. She is a bright-eyed daughter who glows with inner light. She is a cunning flirt since she learned to walk and talk. One day, there will be songs like this written to her. Very nicely done.