Dark Love

 

 

Funny thing love, first it turns you on, and then it turns on you.

It slowly becomes a part of you,

Then in a blink of an eye, it tears you apart.

It takes you to the loneliest of places,

Like the poetry section of a library,

Or inside a bottle, in a sleazy bar,

It makes you do the strangest of things,

Like staring at the phone, willing it on to ring,

Or lying on the snow covered grass, and gazing at the sun.

Wandering if it’s too late,

If she’s happy,

What would she change, if she could?

Is it better to be safe & numb, or to take a gamble at the risk of being happy?

Funny thing love, first it turns you on, and then it turns on you. 

  

© The Flawed

Reviews

[The Raven King]

This is very similar to the dialouge the Private Detective in a Film Noir or in a Raymond Chandler book has at the beginning, before he starts explaining the huge mess he's gotten his self into. I like the tone here and the confusion of the voice. This is a very sympathetic voice. One I know and write about as well. Good job.

[jenniewren (J.W. Bouwma..]

hmmm this i really really enjoyed

it feels terribly personal, like we are sitting on a hill watching clouds, and you are telling me this..

it also feels as though you lived it, which my favourite thing in any writing

[K.D.Storm]

It is so very honest,insightful and well written

[Y.F.]

I really like this poem as a whole.
It's true - love could be the greatest thing in the world, but in more than one case it ends up being the worst.

"first it turns you on, and then it turns on you"
LOVE IT!

"It takes you to the loneliest of places,
Like the poetry section of a library,
Or inside a bottle, in a sleazy bar,"
I really like the third line, and the 2 before it really emphasize it.

One thing that bothered me when I started reading - the first part of the first sentence is missing a verb (is), but even after you add it you end up with "Funny thing is love", and I think "Love is a funny thing" is much clearer and better grammatically ('Love' being the subject).
It might be a cliche sentence, but it still works. :)
Aside from that - Marvelous!

[Sean M. Addams]

very well done love the imagery in this....a very impressive write!!!!

[BLACKCRUSH]

I really liked this , the tone was very natural and I think the flow was excellent. Love is not always about sunshine and rainbows it can bite you in the a*s when you least expect to.

[Butterflymom]

You just never disappoint with your writing. Very nicely penned, and thank you for posting in the "Bucket List" group.

[dark and twisty]

i love this...honestly...i've only read on other poem of yours thus far but i love this one...it's so real and honest and true...

funny thing about love - first it turns you on and then turns on you

miraclously put together words that mean so much in a such a casual non-pretentious way...love it

[theunknownchick]

Good Job writing it. I enjoyed it =)

[WriterMe]

I love the last line. I guess you must be speaking out of experience and the truthfulness of the poem could be seen. It was very real, words chosen were fantastic. Great job =]

--Niki

[Dianah]

I like the natural tone to this. Some great lines and a subject most people can relate to. I enjoyed this although I hate that feeling.
'Funny thing love, first it turns you on, and then it turns on you.'

Dianah