A Chat With Dad

 

I poured my heart out to my father,

For the very first time the other day,

But only a couple of days before that he’d passed away.

 

I could see him sitting there,

Listening to all my problems and fears,

With a smile on his face, he was nodding,

But in his eyes I could see the tears.

 

He started to fade away slowly,

The same way that he first appeared,

I begged him to stay,

Please don’t go, please, please, father dear.

 

He shook his head, and I saw him fade

As if he walked out through the wall,

I screamed for him to stay,

But he didn’t seem to hear my call.

 

He turned around and looked at me,

As if he’d seen a ghost just before he went,

Up to this moment I still wonder what he meant

                            © The Flawed

Reviews

[Lorraine]

I love how you ended it with a little mystery. Your poem is heartbreaking in its tone but truly elegant in the writing. The sorrow and regret were so passionately delivered that the poem seems so alive and breathing. This is one emotional piece that does not go way overboard with the drama.

Keep Writing. ^___^

[Norma J. Jessee]

This is so sad but also beautiful in the way you have written it. It brings up memories of my dad who sadly is also deceased.Like you sometimes I talk with my dad and pour my heart also just as I did when he was with me. I feel like he's still somewhere listening to me.
A very powerfull and emotion filled poem that tells me how much you miss your dad. We take so much for granted when our parents are alive. I guess we just always expect them to be there forever. We never really think of their passing. Untill it happens.
This is very beautiful . You have put your heart into these words.

[The Raven King]

As with all I've read of your poetry so far, this is very heartfelt. This struck a chord with me. My father passed three years ago and we were close. But I had my own life far away from his and I hadn't spoken to him for maybe three years. When he passed I was sorry that I had missed out on all that time we could have had together. Anyway, back to your poem...

I was moved. Not only by a sense of loss, but also by this foreboding feeling. The loss was bad enough, but there is an eerie aura present that starts in the third stanza and grows to the end. This feeling of the unknown haunts the voice of your persona (I always use these terms when speaking of poetry, because I find it simplifies things to make the assumption the voice you are speaking with in the poem is an aspect of you, not the literal you) and leaves the reader with an emptiness even greater than the emptiness of loss. This is not a poem with resolution and it makes the reader uncomfortable. I really like this one. Try rewriting it without rhyming. Rhyming can limit passion and I think you can produce something potent with pure raw emotion here. Good job again and Thanks

[deeps]

Wow! This is powerful and quite sad.
Sorry about your dad.