I'm gonna be fine

I couldn't resist and bear what was going on around me, I felt things for the first time, and I couldn't do anything but express myself by a poem, so here it is, share your opinions about it!

New place, new start
New beginning, kicking the past behind
I thought I wouldn't fit in, but I wasn't right
I guessed I wouldn't be loved back, but I might
I thought I meant something to you, I thought I was special
But hey there, who knew I was additional? 

All the words were lies, behind the craved touches
I'd skip anything just to talk to you in those dingy and crazy nights
Just as a friend or a best friend, but nothing more than that
''I want something more'' is what made me sad
There you came and told that secret
I don't know about you, but it was probably a regret
I wasn't sure how to replay, how not to break you down
I said ''I don't think so, I don't know''

So there I gave you hope and you wanted to cope
All of my negation, all of my escapes
You can't hold back, you come with new steps
You hold my hand but I loosen down and release
I smile and appease
I hold one of your fingers, you giggle
I smile back and my feelings mingle
But as sly as a fox he grabs again and twists my fingers in
Once again you find a chance and kiss my chin

I give up and pretend I'm okay
I feel lost and can't find a way
I tell myself  to relax, to smile
To fake it and hold the tears back
I convince my heart that I'm gonna be fine,
Even though no ways seem to overwhelm my spine 

You came in my dream, and I felt It should be real
My heart couldn't lie, so I made a deal
It was a night, I pushed you back by holding your arm
I looked to your eyes and stayed calm
I said the truth
I said it all
I can't be with you, it's not what I want

Author's Note

Basically, I didn't finish the whole story, there are other things I wanted to talk about, but I thought I should share this part, and later on write the second one.

Reviews

[Rute Santos]

really liked this poem, i can see that this is something real, that someone really felt. keep goiing*

[Mina Salva]

Thank you so much! I will! :)

[Ees]

Ahhh.
well you can't go back from that change, alteration, now can you? Once those declarations are made, they are there, suspended before you forevermore. Even if they are later retracted, one must always wonder. And then there is the loss and sadness that you cover. It is a loss of innocence in the way- a common theme (and for good reason) It is a loss of what you thought and felt was going on.
Really great poem. Made me think quite a bit. It reads like a personal story, but that actually makes it more relatable.
Great work!

[Mina Salva]

Thaank you :)