Ride the Parade (Beauty Queen)

There is a parade
That every year
Marches through
On Independence day

And every year
Since I turned twelve
They've dolled me up
Made me take the lead

Once upon a time
I would've minded
That all I do
Is smile and wave

When I was younger
And riding a parade
I would
Dance
Or Sing
Might even skate

Now
They've reduced me
To a pretty face
A beauty queen

Over time
I've convinced myself
That I'm lucky
To be pretty
And thin

Silently hoping
People believe
My shallow facade
And empty head

Don't consider
That I'm hiding
Behind
Makeup and smiles

Never see
That I hate
My stomach
And my thighs

I've spent a lot of time
Sitting passive
Rotting
My depth away

Sometimes I think
Of the little girls
I might convince
That this is all they can be

The pain
Tries to break my heart
Not realizing
It's already been turned to stone

I might now be a monster
You know
Inside my soul

Because the problem is
I like it
Becoming
This simple basic girl

Shutting out
The pain of hate
That desperate need to die

I was once was obsessed
With perfection
Being liked
And being smart
Always, always right

I'm beautiful
They tell me
Never anything about
What's inside my mind

Author's Note

I had a concept in mind, this isn't what I wanted...it might be updated if I figure it out. It's very disconnected and chunky and that's the first thing I think I want to focus on, so help there would be nice