Sometimes

Sometimes I watch my dad

And wonder if he wishes he had a son

Sometimes I watch my mom

And wonder if she wishes I could be a perfect daughter

I split my childhood

Between hammering nails

And painting them

Between science fairs

And fairy tales

Learned to skate, to be a gymnast

Endured pain, till my body turned to liquid fire

Sometimes, I'd want to ask my parents

Why'd they put their princess through hell

If you'd ask

My hands were steady

Holding a drill, or a mascara brush

If you'd look though

I probably flinched under scrutinizing eyes

Like most, I out grew my Olympic fantasy

Grew a little spine

Got a lot older

Tried to be ready to face the world

Sometimes, though

It's hard to be my own person

When I can barely introduce myself

Sometimes I want to go back

Go back

And keep my hair short

Climb trees and scrap knees

Erase those boys my dad brings home

Be that instead

Or

Go back

And learn to knit

Critique books

Flirt with boys

Someone who brings pride, rather than shame

The thing is

I am who I am

Sometimes I can't a book down

Other times I don't read for ages

Sometimes I will crunch numbers for hours on end

Though, sometimes I'd rather find out the latest fashion

Sometimes I'm a cocky

I'm also crippled by anxiety

So, sometimes 

I do wonder 

If my parents 

Or even me

If given the chance

Would choose

Build me differently

Author's Note

I'm unimpressed with how this turned out...

Reviews

[closed]

i think life is full of wonderment
maybe you never get the answers you want

and in the end all you have is your pen


good poem


-Dream

[~]

Sometimes we indeed try to please too many people at the same time. I hope that your strength will grow where your true talents will shine and your confidence soar high!
lovely poem! :D

[Rodger Tunif]

A very interesting poem and, at the risk of sounding racist, telling of the Asian experience. I understand that many Asian cultures operate out of a honor/shame culture which might seem strange to Westerners. As such, this poem is important in the sense that it expresses a very special relationship. I wonder if you are American? To live in an honor/shame culture while being raised in an individualistic environment might create a feeling of confusion; of inconsistency. You are raised and conditioned to believe you are an individual yet at home the opposite is the case...you must make your family proud and owe a debt to them? I could be completely off base, but these are some of the thoughts I had while reading the poem. Sadly, I do not believe the poem ends with a well communicated conclusion. How is the problem resolved? Perhaps with the embracing of your individuality...but what a shame! Is there beauty to the individual or the group? Im rambling now.