Wishing On a Mistletoe

Another short story for the Christmas feels All love

It’s a little awkward walking with him and we were gradually falling into total silence. There were about three inches parting us but I can feel his hand reaching for mine every time he managed to gently bump into me. I admit that I was having a surge of panic in my stomach when we got closer, his shoulder going back and forth sent me the feeling like I was oscillating towards a dreadful landing. I don’t know what’s the problem with me why I cannot be straightforward, I keep declining and denying and as much as I wanted my feelings to be bare part of me kept pulling back and restraining me. It was like I can hear a voice in my head saying “don’t, not yet.” although there was nothing wrong in the picture to be scared of. I guess I haven’t learned how to show it when I love someone, I had no idea what’s the best way for it.

            Three hours before midnight and I was supposed to wrap my gifts already and prepare for the Christmas Eve’s dinner but I cannot be stupid enough again to say no to his invitation when it was just a brief walk in the park, especially that it’s Christmas time; people have to embrace the moments with the ones they love while they’re around. If only I was comfortable enough to ask him to spend this Christmas with me and my family, it would be completely accepting him in my life if I do that. Right? Or was I just panicking again?

            “What were you thinking are you OK?” 
            “Huh?” I asked back and I didn’t really know what I looked like in my blank expression.

            He laughed and shook his head. “You’re having trouble.”

            “What? No. I was just thinking that"” I buried my cold hands"not from the freezing night but from my unsettling nerves"into my pockets that weren’t deep enough to aid me.

            “That you made the right decision to share this wonderful moment with me.” He smugly declared.

            “Here we go again Mr. So-Sure-Of-Himself.”

            “But you can’t argue with that, I can tell it by your constant smile.”

            I gagged when he stared at my face and winked. When he turned away and went on walking, I held my breath and pondered the thought of me not noticing that I’ve been constantly smiling.

            “Help yourself there. It’s alright to get caught.” I heard him a few feet away taunting me and I can tell he was enjoying my discomfort. He will never stop trying, lucky for him I had no intention to let him stop but still I won’t be able to find my way to my honesty.

            I caught up with him and gathered back my words. “I’m thinking now that you’re so self-absorbed sir for assuming that the reason for my smiles was you.” He then paused and looked at me closer with that wicked but swoon-worthy smile, once again there was a gargling motion in my stomach that I can’t get rid of. Our eyes were interlocking for a moment and there a tiny helpless sound was echoing somewhere in my system: SOS! “Oh my God. That is so beautiful!” I had my escape when I spotted a giant mistletoe wreath standing at the center of the park, I picked up my pace again and headed fast to the mistletoe. He followed and stayed behind me when I stopped in front of a towering round figure made of artificial foliage and yellow lights. There were people surrounding the wreath and taking pictures, while I walked around it and closed my eyes.

            “What are you doing?”
            “I’m making a wish.” I shushed him. 

            “Did it say there that you can make a wish?”

            I sighed and opened my eyes because if I didn’t he’d only keep on interrupting me. “You don’t have to see a sign or follow anyone if you feel like doing something.”

            “Okay, “he mused and narrowed his eyes scrutinizing me. “So what makes you feel like wishing? I mean does it work because wishing on a star doesn’t even work even if we’re all made to believe they do.”

            “Maybe you don’t believe enough?” 
            “Whatever!”
            “Whatever too.” I rolled my eyes but before I could close them again, he started with another question.

            “Why do you always wish on things? All I know is people wish on shooting stars, on a fallen eyelash and…on a coin thrown down the wishing well.”

            It put me on the spot but I laughed it off and defended myself. “I don’t know exactly, it’s just that whenever I see something new and enormously beautiful, I see it like it’s a sort of a good luck. Like this one, it’s my first time seeing a giant mistletoe wreath as though a piece of miracle appeared so yeah, making a wish won’t hurt. “I shrugged.

            “W-O-W. This is why I find you extraordinary, and beautiful.”

            “Oh, stop it just give me my silence because I need to make my wish now. Do you mind?” I raised my brow and started with my wish. I thought of so many things and cannot decide which to wish until I was moved to open my eyes and look at him. A smile formed in my face and realized that being with him tonight made me the happiest person in the world, and when you’re too happy at the moment it seems that you can’t ask for anything else.

    “Are you done wishing?” he asked.
    “Yeah. You? Don’t you have anything to wish for?” 
    “I don’t think I need a wishing object to steal your heart.” He said without meeting my eyes.

            I can feel my goose bumps rising underneath my thick clothes. As usual, I just had to laugh it off and search for a deviating topic. “But don’t you wish to have your family with you?”

   “They don’t care about me.” He dismissively replied.
   “You sound like a grumpy kid grumbling ‘they don’t love me’ as if it’s true.”

   “It is. How would I expect to feel loved by them when they never made time to see me? For the years of not being with them I got so used to feel nothing at all.”

  “Just because they’re not around doesn’t mean they don’t love you.” I stepped closer beside him and flashed an encouraging smile.

 “I don’t think so. I just think you’re trying to win this conversation.”

  I focused on the giant mistletoe wreath again, admiring every twinkling light that made up the magical feeling this night was pouring my heart. “What I am trying to say is when you love you don’t need to show this through physical presence because sometimes life has that way of not making things last but they can stay as long as you live. Everything and everyone will always go missing in sight but that doesn’t mean that you will stop believing they are still there. When you love someone it’s not always about having to be with them all the time, it’s more like having to be there for them. “

 “Oh.” I was surprised he didn’t say a thing to censure me. Instead, he drifted into a contemplation and subtly grinned at me. "Now that is very comforting and I am so hopeful.”

“You are welcome, finally I enlightened your twisted state of mind.”

“No. I mean…”

“What is it this time?” I waited for him to answer back with shrewdness of sarcasm but he was just smiling while he was rocking on his feet, almost swaying his body. “Now is the moment of truth: you love me.”

“Oh, come on. Again with the over confidence.”

“Oh you do! Aren’t you the one who always tells me ‘I am here for you’?”

Silence seized me that the only thing lingering was him right in front of me and the only thing I was hearing was my heart giving in. There, I made it! 

Author's Note

Merry Christmas!
-N