Along the Streetlights

When it goes like: "It takes a lot of counting the stars before I could tell you I wanna be with you"

It's funny that after a couple of weeks of not keeping in touch with each other and having an odd feeling that something was probably wrong, I've got to bump into him out of nowhere tonight. Truth is I was bothered with a quick assumption that he was probably lurking or waiting until my pace ends up reaching his way; maybe he did see me before we could even meet there and like, "Oh you're here. I'm so glad to see you"-actually I was the only one who said that because yes I was unprepared and it did hold a little awkwardness and again it’s as if something was probably wrong. So yes I wondered if he had a sight of me earlier; looking into his eyes there wasn’t any sign of surprise, rather an expectant glare. I had the compelling nervousness trapping my guts to even show a steady smile so like an idiot I immediately hugged him the way good friends would do in a snap when they see each other after a long time. We, too are good friends right? Yes we are good friends, we are friends. Unfortunately we are just friends.

“What’s this new fashion of yours?” My thoughts broke off when I felt his soft pat on my shoulder. I was bewildered and I tried to cut the vague, uncomfortable line connecting us.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. Why, did something change?” I rolled my eyes and I realized we’ve been walking farther without talking. The road’s already free from commotion, and the streetlights were beautifully alive causing me to imagine they’re spotlights for my dramatic scene, this very quiet moment of  being with the one person, I mean the one guy I’ve been secretly desiring with all my heart’s will to have.
            We kept walking.

“Hmmm I don’t know, maybe I miss your long speech.”He buried his hands in his pockets and oh my God he looked really adorable with it. See? When you fall in love, even the simplest, smallest thing the person does appears magically adorable to you although you can’t tell an exact reason why it is like that.

“I never knew you were thinking I was always the loquacious one.” Finally I laughed, at least there was a help of perking up.

“Don’t exaggerate it, I really just miss talking to you and you know I always enjoyed listening to whatever you want to say. When’s actually the last time we talked?” His eyes narrowed, projecting to the time when we last spent time together and endlessly conversed then suddenly I remembered, it was the night at the carnival before I left to pursue the job I was offered, and him going back to his tour that temporarily and almost permanently terminated our communication. Busy lives we embarked on; life has that business sometimes of letting us separate from the people we don’t want to leave the most. It happened that I was too afraid to leave because after a few months of knowing each other, his journey without me around might turn him into a total stranger. That’s another business of life: transforming the people we treasure the most into someone we wish we never met.

But it’s clear in my head that the last minute we gave our goodbyes, he told me there was an important thing he wanted to tell me and yet he refused to reveal it saying it would be harder for him since we were bound to part. I made up my mind not to insist on knowing whatever it was; all I knew was that I was trembling inside guessing what was running circles in him. After that last night, I brought with me the gnawing excitement mixed with fear hoping to unlock that mystery. Maybe it was the root of our sudden awkwardness, maybe we were both with something to haunt our thoughts. For God’s sake what am I thinking?

“The last time we…”

“I've been here for several days working my way to see you.” His voice became earnest, I could almost melt and evaporate.

“You didn't call me?” I tried to keep my cool. He stared at me, letting out a sigh I cannot define.
            “Well, I was kind of challenging myself. Watching out what’s gonna happen.”
            “Come on, are we on a serious agenda?”
            “I was telling myself that I was going to find you again.” I tensed up and I somehow wanted to cry but my tears were clogged somewhere.
            “Oh, so yes you found me again. I’m here now.” I managed to respond to his unwavering solemnity; he stood straight looking at a distant view. My heart was racing I cannot run with it because of so much tension pressing me back.

            “Remember when I told you there was something important I wanted to say?”

            I nodded amidst my collapsing breathing but I really tried to keep my cool. “I do remember, of course.”

            “While you were away I told myself that I was gonna say it when I find you and it was not easy finding you without having anything to reach you. Fortunately I was given a chance to know where to find you since you informed me ahead where you were going but I never made a call or anything to let you know I was here, I wanted to believe that if I was meant to see you I WILL be seeing you. I was going to leave tomorrow losing hope and here tonight you appeared and so I said that I had to seize the chance.”

            “Okay…”
            “The chance to say that important thing.”
            “Alright.” I tried to keep my cool.
            Silence befell and none of us did dare to break it.
            “What I wanted to say was"“

            “I’m listening.” I tried to keep my cool.
            He looked at me, his eyes stabbing me with a force I cannot deflect. “I wanted to say that I want to be with you.”
            “Ha-ha. YOU ARE WITH ME. Right here, right now you are with me.” I tried to keep my cool. He shook his head and mouthed “idiot” that was surely for me. I just couldn't make out any sane vision for me to be able to say what I was supposed to say.
            “I’M SAYING THAT I WANT TO BE WITH YOU. I want to be with you all the time; I want to be with you for the rest of my life. I want to be with you forever.”
            “Okay…so as possible as I can, I will spend every day of forever to be here with you. Talk to you like before, hang out. Go to places…” I was just trying so hard to keep my cool.
            He kicked a pebble and struggled to retort “Don’t tell me you don’t know what I’m talking about. Oh please. Again, I want to be with you.” I said nothing. “I want to be with you, I want you to be with me. I want to have you. I want us together, I need you to be always on my side because… damn it! I love you! Don’t you still get it?”

            “Damn it too! Damn you!” I cried like a baby reaching out to him."I was just waiting for you to say the exact words."

   He grabbed my shoulders and embraced me in the depths of forever in his arms and I whispered: “ I love you too.”