Too Beautiful, Too Sad

out of league

I see you as a beacon

The billowing light in the horizon

Blinking a few, trying to look askew

A fool in pretense; if I only I already knew 

How fast it could run,how wide I could stride

I'm all attuned, nowhere to hide

No stopping in motion

Emotion protests the reason:

You're a flower in a day

The sweet grace from heaven to stay
Kissed by the gentle sun

A morning scene to stun

I bask in delight

But my heart recognizes the plight

So I'll leave you to the sky

As I'm the futile weeds to dry

I've got a sad window

To watch the night with my shadow

I lace my thoughts around a star

Too beautiful but too far

Just where you are

Author's Note

excuse my sentiments.

Reviews

[Dhaye]

This is sad. What would someone feel when the one he/she admires is like a distant star?

In the first 4 lines, particularly the 4th line, the voice tells his/her bitterness in admiring the receiver of this poem's message.


"I see you as a beacon
The billowing light in the horizon
Blinking a few, trying to look askew
A fool in pretense; if I only I already knew"

These lines caught my attention because of the term "flower in a day" which for me describes a Daisy flower. I'm sorry about my interpretation. It so happened that I am curious with the term "Day's Eye" because of some reasons, so I researched it's meaning. So I found out that it's that flower. Good metaphor though.

"You're a flower in a day
The sweet grace from heaven to stay
Kissed by the gentle sun
A morning scene to stun
I bask in delight
But my heart recognizes the plight
So I'll leave you to the sky"


The following lines expresses the voice's sentiments of having the person he/she is talking to who's so far away...

"I've got a sad window
To watch the night with my shadow
I lace my thoughts around a star
Too beautiful but too far
Just where you are"


Sometimes, when we are being hurt by the person we love/admire, we have the "sour grapes" feelings just to ease ourselves. We often call the person a pretentious, deceptive, false, dishonest r any other term we could attatch to their names. That's a form of revenge we can easily do. But somehow, because that person has made a special part sometimes in our lives, we still have that regret of losing him/her. And with that feeling, we only consider that person a beautiful "star" from afar...

This poem is "too beutiful but too sad"...like it's title. Nice metaphors, rhyme, and rhythm here.
Good job, Kabayan!

[papermush08]

I actually had a tear because first, you're the only person who ever reviewed my poem this way as if you really put yourself on me and of course for the fact that you've interpreted what I actually felt!
Thank you so much, your words mean a lot to me as a writer and a person!

[Dhaye]

You're welcome...and keep writing.

[Knightingale]

You have a way with painting images with words. The serene sorrow of this piece grows with every line until the end where its sunk into the bones. Hauntingly beautiful. Thank you for this, it was a pleasure to read.

[papermush08]

Thank you too! Big big words from you that overwhelm me ;)

[Inspiring Writer]

I've got a sad window
To watch the night with my shadow
I lace my thoughts around a star
Too beautiful but too far
Just where you are...
These lines're powerful and take from the reality.
Title's well pasted here with your words foresure having great and deep meaning of joy and sorrow. Nice write and well penned with yur happiness and sadness. Keep writing.

[papermush08]

Thanks a lot! I appreciate this review from the bottom of my heart.