"In Letters, Returned"

This was a short story I've written for school paper but it was never published, just thought of posting it here so maybe it will make sense and I just can't keep it forever without sharing.

 

The last thing I remembered before passing out was the hazy scene of civilians running for their lives as the terror and grave despair were shaking their faces; males, females, youngsters, feeble old men and women were lost in searching for escape from the abrupt attack of bombs that were simultaneously dropping, and exploding every place I looked into. No one predicted it although we were all aware that the enemies can set an assault in a heartless whim anytime of the day. Most of us were just too carried away on that Sunday afternoon having our leisure we were longing for. Me and my mates weren't in our military suits, for the first time again we pretended to be those cool boys casually hanging around with beers we proudly held up to toast for ourselves having a little time to breathe life since we were in no doubt bound to be dead. The hours passing favored on us in a fun conversation about the random things we usually did back in high school, and for a little while we deserted mentioning the burdens we've got after realizing what responsibilities were weighing in our hands being a soldier.

Everything was fine and soothing; the sound of other people in the cafe was parallel to our own which reminded me of the good old days in my grandmother’s noon time diner I haven't visited for years. The cafe with us drunk and excessively exuberant was one of the last few cafes standing near our base, before it could turn into a devastated structure there was no sign of any threat until a lady sharply squealed on the top of her lungs when outside the window aero planes chased the roads killing the ground. The cafe was immediately evacuated and as soon as we followed to go outside with whirling heads and muffled ears, the cafe received a huge shot and there we were thrown apart from each other. My brain throbbed in pain I can hardly feel or hear anything, the world went hollow and silence sank me.  I was complacent knowing I retreated from my life that never meant that much anymore.

But to my wake, it wasn't still what I wished should just happen. I was completely alive, my respiration and consciousness were well, and as much as I must be breathing relief by the hopeful eyes of my mates surrounding me, I stupidly ached in disappointment by the fact that I really had to go on. Nobody can even reproach me for disliking life… technically disliking it. What exactly life for me is a land of nothingness, there’s no purpose in sight I can run to in the name of happiness, the happiness this world’s spinning for in every person’s struggle. Except for me because I, myself is struggle.

“Hey man! How are you feeling? Can you remember anything?” the panic in Ross’ voice, my best buddy was earnest while the rest remained their eyes glued on me. I blinked thrice and slowly moved my muscles; nothing was physically distressing but the response of the nerves around my head. “Man, can you? Can you?”

“Excuse me for a second, let’s take things slow first.” The old nurse came in and made him silent. “Is it still hurting in your head?” she softly patted my temple, I winced.

“Yes but…not too much now.” I lied to spare myself from further treatment; I can’t stay in lethargy the whole day.

“Can you tell what your name is?”

“Yes of course. Alexander Franklin.” Peevishly I muttered, heaving myself up.

“What can you clearly recall before falling unconscious?”

“Everything’s clear, my mind’s lucid! Okay?”  Why were they exaggerating things? It’s not like I had amnesia and in case they never realized, it’s not my first survival. On this year of the war I have been killed a couple of times, most incidents were worse than the recent one, half of my body was inlaid with cuts, scars and burns I cannot count. Pieces of me could’ve been shattered, tons of chances of succumbing to death but my soul was tight. Why can’t I just die? What more did I have to gain when everything I’ve ever had was already thrown into losing?

 

After a while of my final treatment, I got a fresh bath and put on my clean suit, taking the impulse to begin for any lurking battle without caring for my condition. When Ross and I passed a road, ready to submit ourselves to duty I saw a woman in a beige dress alighting from a luxury car. My feet ceased trotting, my chest pounding a familiar grief I haven’t let go. The way her long dark hair billowed in the afternoon breeze flashed me back to my sole sweet love when every sunset hour I’d wait for her in the corner of my grandmother’s diner. I would nervously think that she will not make it sneaking just to meet me, but the wide smile in my face stretches once she walks in the distance beautifully wearing a nice dress that matches her dark hair blown by the wind. But people told me “past is past”, no, that kind of saying does not just happen in a blink of an eye. All at once I’ll be sailing into the past we had, the past that marked my present and constantly rotting me until in my future that’s dimming because of this lost past. I always hoped I could be one of the few ones given second chances to turn back the time and fought for what was worth fighting for, I could have been there now, there beside her and together we would live for our dreams without letting the odds breaking us apart instead of risking myself to be this man in misery creeping inside and accepting a journey of putting life at stake. I could die anytime; to have my blood streaming from my flesh would be better than enduring life with an intense helpless wound slowly eating me alive.

“What are you looking at?” David, the superior in our team spanked me on the arm. He saw me dropped my head and shifted to see what distracted me. He slightly chuckled and sighed for me “Bet the lovely damsel over there brought you back to your long lost love.”

I turned to face him with a surprise hard look, “How did you know?’’

“Most of us learned about it. Remember that we all feel each other here. So, let’s go?” He sadly smiled at me and moved forward. At least, I was honestly comforted.

 

            By the peak of twilight, we gathered to assist the mourning family over the freezing bodies of their loved ones, the chorus of their wail and weep stabbed me but I managed a stoic face. The coldness approaching the night made me feel worse; I guessed I was the only one who hasn't passed the training of handling emotions. It’s not easy to stop the gush of lament when you’re permanently carrying pains. I stifled an attempting tear and covertly stepped aside to avoid looking until I decided to escort the wounded civilians into the infirmary particularly the old ones, thank goodness I recovered and stiffly did my job of leading them to the patients’ area.

            Once the patients were safely confined, I returned outside and warily took my pace but I was compelled to turn clockwise when I noticed someone sitting in the dark under the tree. I shortly glimpsed at the infirmary and went on walking in silence. Nearer and closer the presence mystified me so to my defense I projected my rifle “Who are you and what are you doing in there?” I bellowed but wasn’t enough to warn fear.

            “Calm down soldier, don’t push yourself into so much violence. I know you have a good heart.” He put a rigid finger on the muzzle of my rifle and looked at me. An old, sick man with his thick grey hair who was probably taking his time writing a special note was someone I disturbed with paranoia in my head.

            “Are you one of the patients? Why are you here outside? It’s not safe here sir, it’d be the best if you continue what you’re doing inside the infirmary.” I put my rifle down and looked at his closed notebook.

            “We all die in our own right time. If I’ve died earlier then maybe because my mission’s over but if God still gives me the earth then I’m sure my purpose is on its way. Would you like to have a seat with me soldier?” I found this man extraordinary although he’s appearing to be odd yet I must say his words trailed into my senses.

            “I’m sorry sir I’m still on duty; I don’t have my time to accompany you tonight. A lot of lives are in my protection” I kindly bowed my head.

            “You’ve saved enough lives, why not have some time to relax first? You’re a soldier, you’re a brave man. I believe you wouldn’t be scared if you stay sitting with me here in spite of any demons that might appear to kill us all. Come on, try to rest first and come back to life.”

            I knew I shouldn’t but there’s something penetrating me to grab this moment. I did as he said to sit beside him on the grassy ground lit by the moon. I felt at home although he’s strange, I forgot what I was supposed be doing tonight and just shared life by his friendly invitation.

            “Why did you choose to be a soldier?” He suddenly asked, coughing.

            “Well…” My thoughts drifted to Melissa. “I am not sure; I can still remember I wanted to be a musician carrying my heart with the sweetest of love in the universe when I was extremely happy with my life having that one girl as mine, that one love of mine I thought I could hold forever.”

            “So what happened?”

            “He was taken away or I let them take her away from me. Or I was never that strong and brave to stop them from taking her away from me. “

            “How are you now?”

            “Already in my own grave” I whispered.

            “In my own conclusion, you entered the army by suicide because you think your life doesn’t make sense anymore?”

            There was only silence in me, every image of her, the smile she painted in her face, the songs I played with her humming and listening. My heart beat was superfluous I can’t stop yearning for her again, to feel her around me and have her words behind my ear crooning in endearment.  “But did you ever hope you could still find her?”

            I shook my head in despair. “This is why I’m in this game of being caught between death and life, I give up knowing she’s too far gone but hell punishes me for being alive and over and over devote myself to her memory.”

            “Good man. Your heart must be in deep wound right now but the heart will always work for love and if that love prevails, nothing can ever be impossible.” He gripped my arm in a resolved mind and for the longest time, I felt a twinge of a bright hope and I didn’t know why it was easy that way. “I have actually seen you; I could always see you there. Bold, stiff and acting like a hero but I knew behind the face you’re a feather light weight.”

 

             The next morning I woke up I was preoccupied by the conversation I had with the old man, he was such an angel from nowhere and I wondered so much why he’s been watching me and why in the whole world he was likely to be the author of my love story with Melissa that he understood me and was that hopeful for me to retrieve what I've lost. Was he ever around all the time? I wished I had the chance asking him more and be a little nosy about what he was writing at that moment so I have known what kind of a person he was.

            I shook all the thoughts away and focused on today’s battle, just in time that my mates called to each other as the enemies were shooting again. We ducked together and exchanged commands, some were sprawled on the ground in a puddle of blood, thinking back to the words of the old man I had my fear of dying now because what if somewhere Melissa’s just there waiting for me too to find her?

            People were running from the eruption of bombs, I can’t help but searched for that old man who’s probably around, I need to see him alive because I have a lot in mind to ask him which may bring me back to my fate with Melissa. I stumbled at one explosion, fighting to breathe though I was going to pass out… but the heart will always work for love and if that love prevails, nothing can ever be impossible, it echoed at the back of my head, driving my body to be resilient. The blood streamed on my thigh I yelped and huddled to the side to set the bullets. I closed my eyes and imagined Melissa in a cradle of love we once shared, and after everything she will always be my reason for living, she will always be the sweetest sound in the background I will play again.

...but the heart will always work for love and if that love prevails, nothing can ever be impossible. I stared at the sky and challenged the approaching danger. “I will surpass this, I will get out from here, I will find Melissa!” I told myself and in my whole vigor and faith I ran into the diffusing horde of soldiers and civilians. I shot and shot and kept my tight bravery, three women bumped on me crying and I made them hide in a safe place. I began shooting, just having my main goal in my head and helped my fellow armies. We faced the bombs and bullets; we crawled through the thin line of safety and engulfed plenty of air.

 

            After hours, the land was settled in a quiet state, we cautiously stood from our ground and passed the smokes and debris scattered. I was limping and on my right was Ross propped by my arm as he had the worse battered leg, dead bodies were countless, and it was harder to look at the dead civilians. We breathed and threw ourselves for rest into the side of the ruins, pained voices were everywhere. I've got weak knees again and when I hoisted myself up, inches away from me the face of the enemy appeared and as the single shot was done, the enemy was killed from Ross’ bullet. In urgency, we took the final shooting to fight the remaining Japanese lurking.

            It was cleared, it was over but I had to think back to the person who received the bullet to save me. When the enemy attempted to kill me, there was someone who got on the way, reason why I didn’t die. I trotted back and saw that the old man I was talking to last night was there on the spot I just left, the blood was gargling in his mouth, the bullet buried in his stomach. I fell on him with my eyes beginning to form tears, I had his head on my arms but I was too speechless. I looked at him closely and that’s when it came up to me that he’s recognizable, that we’ve met before. “A..Al..Alexander….” He said, shocking me when I never told him his name. He took out an envelope from his pocket and with a quivering hand he gave it to me. “Please find…Please find…” and he was gone.

 

            Two years after the war I decided to retire, had much of time to reflect and give myself some serenity. I still kept the letter of the old man, each day I’d hold it and figure out how in the world will I make it arrive to someone I never knew. But today I had a long drive while trying to gather the seams of my life and know where to start, of course Melissa never faded, only that I had to open my heart to possibility first. Before anything else I had to talk to him again and maybe get some hope to help me pursue my destiny. I stopped by the old man’s grave, it was maintained clean and there was a bouquet of flowers withering. I mused for a second but replaced a smile realizing he’s got a family out there. I crouched down but I was reminded then. Who should be receiving his letter that he asked me to find?

            “Excuse me?” A female’s voice startled me; I slowly stood on my feet without looking back. I was sure I heard my palpitation. “Do you know my father?” My hands clenched and momentarily trembled in an unknown cause. I felt her walked closer, I was nervous but I turned to face her.

            Eye to eye, the moment locked us; she gasped and cried with her hands on her mouth. We stayed looking at each other both believing and not believing the reality hovering. “Melissa.” I quietly uttered.

            “Alexander Franklin…I…” She wrapped her arms around me and in return I embraced her with so much tenderness and yearning love. My tears fell; we cried and spoke to each other under our breath. She’s real, I can smell the scent of her hair, and I felt our hearts beating as one. Truly my love prevailed and the possibility of coming back into her arms never abandoned me.

            We held our hands as we left the cemetery, I can’t quite believe that the old man was the wealthy Christopher Willows but they’re right “past is past”, whatever pain you’ve got there should belong there and in the present that pain must heal on its own.

            “I think this one belongs to you.” I held out the letter to Melissa. We found a secluded bench and we sat together and I listened as she read the letter.

Mel,

In case you want to know, I’m stuck as a lost man here in America, I can’t even recognize myself anymore, losing your mom made me a beast and losing you made me miserable, but  I hope there in Europe everything’s well with you although the last time we talked I sensed the permanent sadness aching in you. I hope you can forgive me now. I wrote this letter tonight and anytime I can get killed but I hope you can receive this. I guess there was one reason why I can’t be able to escape this war, I saw your man, I saw Alex as one of the armies fighting, I saw him being that brave but most of the time I can see him stolen by distant thoughts and I knew, I believed he never let go of you. I talked to him last night and I listened to his loneliness talking about you. Melissa I know you still love him, may this letter of mine be the way for you two to meet again. I hope before I get killed I can give him this letter and tell him to find you. I’m sorry darling for being so selfish, for hurting you that bad when I parted you two. I can’t keep this letter long because we may get attacked without a warning. Always know that I love you and I hope you’ll be happy again, be happy with him again.  Start a new life with him again; I’ll be around all the time.

Love,

Dad

Melissa cried on my shoulder, I closed my eyes and at the same time we’re thankful, thankful for his dad and for his final wish of making us return to each other. And on my own I contemplated, he sacrificed his life for me on that day I was supposed to be shot. He took the bullet for me because he wanted me and Melissa to find our love again.

Author's Note

Thank you for reading!