Look Into The Night

Before bed at night, I take my dogs out to go to do their business. While I wait, I try to look at the sky and gain some perspective. It's easy to get caught up in everyday life and forget the big pic

When we sink into the dark of night,
I stand and I look out

I bid my eyes to grasp this juncture’s depth,
to fathom being, amidst all else

I link the knowns to comprehend
notions well beyond my mind’s view

Connecting dot to dot until I catch a glimpse,
the entirety, the picture to which we belong

A glimpse revealed calls my mind back to where I stand,
now humbled, happy, gratefully gazing with respect I turn to bed

Reviews

[PhoenixSongWriter]

Wow. You should be proud of this piece. The wording really makes the reader reflect deeply into their own soul. The slightly abstract way and very detailed way you do this is amazing. Keep up the good writing!

[JayG]

• When we sink into the dark of night,

For you, this is linked to the feeling as you stand waiting for the dogs to finish their business, and is a very personal viewpoint—triggered by the situation you experience. But when I read “sink,” I think in terms of liquid, because not having your experience tied to those words, I can only relate to either being in the night as in a liquid, which would include being prone, or, as in, sinking into the night with a lover—which implies being prone. So when you next talk about standing, in the next line, I’m into, “Huh?” territory.

• I stand and I look out

Of the window? At the skyline? At the… If you’re going to tell the reader that the speaker looks out, far is fair, you at least have to place them in space and situation. For example, had you said, “Standing in the yard as the night deepens,” A reader has been placed, and the second line has context.

• I bid my eyes to grasp this juncture’s depth, to fathom being, amidst all else

Here you lose me, again becaue I lack the context that you hold in your mind as you read. What juncture? You’ve mentioned none. Depth? Is that expressed in “fathoms?” Juxtaposing depth and fathoms, seems really reaching. And “Amidst?” Amidst what? “All else” covers a LOT of ground.

Never loose sight of the fact that context dribbles from our words as they pass from our fingers to the keyboard. Do the reader has only the context you give, or that suggested by the words, based on THEIR background.
- - - - - - -
My point is that this is deeply meaningful to you because it points to images, feelings, and memories in your mind as you read. But as I read, it points to images, feelings, and memories in YOUR mind. But it should either point to images you’ve given me, or those you’ve pointed me toward.

Hope this helps

[.]

Pondering the wonders of the universe and our minuscule place in it......a nice idea.

This is nicely worded, an intimate idea.
Perhaps this poem would be better suited to a free verse structure than using stanzas. That way the ideas and images could flow easily into each other. Just my opinion.

Still, a nice write.

[Rudi J.P. Lejaeghere]

Well, this is a so true. Very beautiful poem, to know that we are just a dust particle in the big Universe is indeed a strange experience. Still, there is life in the smallest things, even a million times smaller than ourselves. Well done. :) Rudi

[Stefano Segnan]

It is a very well conceived poem. I am just not sure about that "knowns" in the fifth line, it just seems too much out of tune, a little clumsy if you will. One more thing, the poem had a really great effect by having shorter verses, so I do not know why you broke that structure with the last stanza. Not even the first line of that stanza, but the last just breaks too much. Now, I tend to do the same, but it just doesn't seem to fit.
These little issues aside, I think this is quite good: both the idea, imagery and the flow.

[Coyote Poetry]

Good thoughts and words led to wise ending.
"Connecting dot to dot until I catch a glimpse,
the entirety, the picture to which we belong "
The above lines are true. Life is connecting dots. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Inject Positivity]

Ah! The amazing cherishable moments of watching the stars and moon at night... You have given quite a delicate touch into it, I too sometimes lost in the daily activities that I forget to enjoy the nature and the most precious gifts of this world... Really enjoyed the way you took the reader to a different world of thoughts... Nicely thought out work... Thank you for sharing this...

[M.Babu]

I like the structure of the piece, how each stanza gets longer.
Keep writing!
~M.Babu~