Reminds me of the Biblical verse about how God takes care of the birds in the sky and hence a call to reevaluate your worries as a being.
Last two stanzas were my favorite! Keep at it!
~M.Babu~
i like this poem a great deal. i appreciate your use of recurring couplets to expand upon those opening lines' questions. surely, in my belief, even those smallest life forms, that have a brain as their cpu, must fire thoughts through that brain even if they are purely instinctual. your use of couplets, and off rhyme, permit me, as this poem's reader, to move through this poem without any feeling that it's constructed or too deliberate. i don't believe that feeling, amongst me as a reader, is easily achieved without resounding skill. i do appreciate that all life has a right to life simply stated by that fact that it is living. you do an excellent job illustrating this in this poem. congratulations on your efforts, and that last couplet, with it's use of three rhymes, does an excellent job of rounding out this imake of a fluttering toward flight that this poem seems to illustrate. it is as if this poem's movement imitates that of its subject...thank you for sharing your talent on this site. with warm regards--rfj
Posted 8 Years Ago
8 Years Ago
thank you for your kind words. Im glad you were able to understand this subject matter in the same l.. read morethank you for your kind words. Im glad you were able to understand this subject matter in the same light that I was. In my writing, I am mostly trying to describe exactly how a subject makes me feel and the emotions that capture it. When others read my writing and actually "get" it, that is a very satisfying feeling. It's like, "hey, I'm not alone in my crazy thoughts!" haha. Anyway, thank you again. I will be sure to take a look at your work as well.
Amberlilies, having read your profile, i understand your form of writing here.
Is it not the lot of a human, especially a poet, to question ones existance and surroundings?
This Is a poem. Do not question that.
The world Is full of insignificant things, lifeforms. But they are still living entities. Do they have thoughts? Awareness of the world? If you really think deep, you can understand the sentiments of your write, here.
Personally, i enjoyed it. The last two lines are superb.
Nicely written.
Posted 8 Years Ago
8 Years Ago
Thank you so much! I really appreciate your honest review. I'm glad you liked this piece and I'm gla.. read moreThank you so much! I really appreciate your honest review. I'm glad you liked this piece and I'm glad you can understand the form and thought process behind it!
Let me start with a question: why do you consider this to be a poem?
Now, you rise some interesting points, especially in those last two lines and I couldn't agree more. Respect more something that isn't aware of itself, and I see this applying to all life. But I think you could have wrote it better: it is too dependent on the last two lines. I would have liked to see the last two lines expanded because all the questions you pose above them are "ordinary". The last two lines are more memorable and, in my opinion, could have some more dedication of thought. If you made it a four line poems it could have been just as good.
These are personal thoughts, find what you think can be of use to you.
Thanks for reading! I really appreciate your feedback. You are definitely correct about the "ordinar.. read moreThanks for reading! I really appreciate your feedback. You are definitely correct about the "ordinary" questions I posed. Sometimes ordinary can be a beautiful thing. Even if you don't think I captured an ordinary beauty with this piece, at the very least the ordinary line of questioning made the last two lines stick out for you. If those two lines made a small impact but the rest didn't, I still think this piece did its job! Anyway, seriously thank you for reading! I look forward to checking out some of your work as well!
8 Years Ago
Your points are valid. I shall try to reformulate: these are themes that have been talked, discussed.. read moreYour points are valid. I shall try to reformulate: these are themes that have been talked, discussed and digested a lot. What I meant was that you seemed capable of bringing fresh ideas instead of reconsidering old and recurring ones, and that you should focus on that. And note, my suggestions were not intended for this writing, but for future ones.
8 Years Ago
I see what you mean. I will keep that in mind as I continue to write. Thank you. You have really giv.. read moreI see what you mean. I will keep that in mind as I continue to write. Thank you. You have really given me something to think about.
Writing is a way for me to figure out what is on my mind. I don't care what form it comes out in or even if there is no form at all. Hell, it doesn't even have to make sense or follow standard grammat.. more..