Rain

A little something I wrote when I was fourteen....I feel bad about leaveing my writing area empty, so I decided to fill it a bit with this...enjoy.

“I wonder what I’ll do today…” I thought as I looked around my white washed room, which had been white as long as my memory served, not that my memory worked very well anyway, it was getting better though because I remember that it had rained yesterday. Wet, that was the first thing I felt, but why? I froze in embarrassment as I remembered the glass of water I drank before bed, and the dream I had of the ocean. I have always been quick to panic, so I leaped out of bad and I changed my clothes. I put on my favorite white Tee-Shirt and slipped in some blue sweatpants. I loved those sweatpants because they made me feel safe and warm. I looked around my room, why were my clothes on the floor? I briskly gathered them up, and threw them in the hamper. Suddenly there was a knock on my bedroom door, and voice, it sounded unfamiliar, but that was because it was hoarse. Other wise it would have been the same sweet and ascending tone that my mother always used.
“Atheleon, Honey, you have a guest.”
At this I quickly threw the blanket over my bed and walked to the door.
Cold.
I looked down at the doorknob, why was it so cold this morning? I grabbed hold of the cold metal again and twisted it. Slowly I realized that I was not opening it, a wave of frustration came over me as I thought of how impatient my mother was being. When the door was opened, I saw my mother was wearing her favorite color; Blue. It looked nice on her. I watched as my mother held out her hand, which had the pills that I took every morning. There happened to be three in her palm today, one vitamin, one for my memory, and the other one that I never told anyone about. It was too embarrassing. It was the pill that I had taken once a week for about a year now and it helped with my occasional anxiety. I quickly grabbed the pills for her outstretched hand and took the glass of the pills from her outstretched hand, and took the glass of water she held in the other, hoping to get it over with. I took a sip of the water;
Cold and icy as it slowly ran down my dry throat. Then I popped the pills in my mouth and took another larger sip. I handed the now empty glass back to my mother, in that instant, I saw the look in my mother’s eyes;
Suspicion.
Now I knew what kind of visitor awaited me, a man. I knew that my mother was uncomfortable around men, especially since my father died a year ago.
One year ago, that was when it all started. Once my father told me that he loved me, and that he would always be there for me, when he died, it had been raining. And since that day I have been nervous, and now I am to the point of medication.
I looked at my mother, what did she want?
She must have seen the question in my eyes because she repeated,
“You have a guest.”
She sounded slightly annoyed. But then again, I would be annoyed if the person I was talking to had forgotten everything I said.
Strange.
All the sudden, I realized that my mother looked as unfamiliar as she sounded, I looked away in disgust. The woman in charge today was my step mother.
“Are you feeling up to having a guest?” Stepmother asked, “Why does she always ask that?” I wondered, but instead of frustrating her further with questions I simply replied,
“Yes”
A few seconds later I found myself sitting on my bed, waiting to talk to my visitor. I watched quietly as a very handsome boy walked into the room.
Panic.
Was this my brother? No, my brother is dead. He died when it was raining, He told me the news about our father, I had been so upset. Why did my father die in the accident? Why didn't I go with him? Where was he going? All I remember was that it was raining that day. Maybe the road was slick.
Movement.
Why was the bed creaking? I looked up from my hands and I saw a handsome boy around my age sit down on my bed. I felt my eyes open wide as I remembered; this was my visitor, my guest. I struggled to remember his name. To buy me time I summoned the kindest smile that I could muster.
Nothing.
Why could I not remember his name? He must have seen the frustration in my eyes because he politely reminded me, “I’m Ben.”
I felt a tear roll down my cheek, “how many times has he had to tell me his name?” I wondered.
He gently reached out and wiped the tear away from my face.
Fear.
Why was his hand on my face? I looked away which forced his hand away from me, and I saw the window.
Rain.
Immediately, I felt panic. I looked back at Ben. “Rain,” I whispered with my now frightened voice. In that instant I saw suspicion creep into his blue eyes. “Is it the rain?” he asked calmly. But I could hear the excitement in his voice, “Is it the rain that scares you?” frustration and panic welled up inside me. I wanted it to all go away. I wanted Ben to stop.
“That night, when your dad died, it was because of the rain,” Ben continued.
I wanted it to stop. “Don’t talk about that.” I whispered so quietly, I wasn’t sure if Ben could hear me. I tried to tell him to stop, but my voice was gone.
Sound, Light, panic.
I could hear the rain bouncing in my eardrums, and tapping on my window; tormenting me. “Atheleon,” Ben said, his voice overflowing with fear and care for me. Why would he care for me? I wanted Ben to stop. Why wouldn’t he stop?
“I want to help you, Atheleon.”
Anger.
I looked up at him, “There’s nothing wrong with me,” I said simply. I looked around my room; there was nothing for me to protect myself with, and nothing to save me from what Ben had to say.
“I know you get scared, and you need someone to talk to.” Ben said, lovingly. “I’ll always be here for you.”
Helplessness.
Father, he said that to me, now he’s gone. “Liar,” the word was barely addable to me, but Ben must have sensed the hatred because now, the only emotion I saw in his eyes was fear.
Flash, Lightning, Sound, Dark.
My eyes quickly adjusted to the dark, much faster than Ben’s. I smiled, “Atheleon?” Ben asked with a shaky voice, looking around in the darkness, hoping to find me, “Atheleon, I have to leave.”
Alone, Panic, Anger.
“No.” I said simply.
Ben froze and looked around frantically. “You can’t go,” I said quietly as I reached forward and closed my hands silently around his throat. “You have to stay.” I whispered.
Ben tried his hardest to struggle free, but to no avail, instead, he changed his tactics. “You don’t have to do it again, Atheleon.” He whispered. Tears came to his eyes, I hated those tears.
I squeezed harder, and smiled grimly, “You can stay now,” I said. Finally, he went to sleep. I wiped the tears from his eye and laid him on my bed. Maybe this time no one would know what I've done, Maybe this time it will be my secret. I smiled as I gave it some thought. Maybe, just maybe he wont leave me now.
Awake.
“I wonder what I’ll do today…” I thought as I looked around my white washed room. This has always been white as long as my memory served not that my memory was very good anyway. It was getting better though, because I remember that it had rained yesterday.

Author's Note

Please ignore the lack in over all grammar/Punctuation. I haven''t had much of a chance to edit this.
Please, let me know what your thoughts are. even your theories as to what happened on the night of the accident. I think that that would be very fun to read!