waves

different waves

riding a tidal crash

only to rejoin and merge our waters back

together we push and pull our way

to glide upon beaches and then be sucked away

for we are the same waters

we've run the same course

we feel the same pain as we're pulled back from the shore

with just a glimpse of freedom

and the smell of fresh air

we return to murky, black waters with crushed dreams and despair

yet somehow we know our love is still there

that comforts us, helps us

with the pain we all bare

only between us do we confide and share

we've all been there and back

our deepest needs are mutual, though our souls aren't intact

we are different waves

riding a tidal crash

only to rejoin and merge our waters back

though our waters may reach many different lands

we are but fingers spreading a hand

we will always be ocean longing for sand

only waves can understand their need for land..

Author's Note

written in 2004.. had kind of forgotten this one

Reviews

[Chase]

I like this piece and very much enjoy the rhyming scheme you've got in it. Especially with the varried line length and multiple interpretations of the word "waves". My only criticism is that this piece, as most do, needs more structure for guiding of the cadence. Namely, punctuation and capitalization. It would read much smoother with those telltale signals that let us know just when to pause or go forward unhindered. Great piece though. I may need to read more of yours.

[A.marie.speaks]

Thank you for your critiques. I thought it may need some of that general guiding tactics you mentioned but I tend to leave that out in most my writing, not sure why I do that. However I do see you point. Thanks again, I think I will comb through it and add those in.

[A.marie.speaks]

Don't mind the grammar in rhr comment, lol, I am typing on my phone today! Just reread that and there are definitely some issues.

[Chase]

haha No worries miss. I can overlook things like that in comments and reviews, just not in writing pieces! And yes, a lot of writers don't use a whole lot of punctuation of things of the like simply because they think it looks better without it or because its poetry and "shouldn't" need it.. but that is exactly why it DOES need it. Sure, to you it sounds just fine and makes sense, but you wrote it and know exactly how it's supposed to sound. We have to guess. Let me know if you ogo over it again and I'll check out the revised version :)

[Coyote Poetry]

Amazing flow of thoughts and emotions.
"we return to murky, black waters with crushed dreams and despair
yet somehow we know our love is still there
that comforts us, helps us
with the pain we all bare"
The above lines. Stand out and they are true. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[A.marie.speaks]

Thank you again for your kind comments! I'm glad you saw the meaning behind those words. They were powerful to me too.

[Coyote Poetry]

I did feel the emotions and you are welcome.

[Jimmy Yetts]

Lovely, stark and apt imagery; skillfully rhymed.
High-level work, A!
Stunningly good!

[A.marie.speaks]

Thank you, once again!

[Perkele.7885]

You have given us, your readers(as well, as your fellow poets), a base of intrigue and/or imagination by giving a quality of being to each wave that bristles each sandy, pebbly or rocky shore, repeatedly, in and out
again, over and over. How long will they stay and hit this one beach before moving on? Will they move on and
just become part of the mass of the deeper water? What comes next for a retreating wave?

[A.marie.speaks]

Yes that it exactly what kind was trying to show. Also I wanted to portray a metaphor of trying over and over to reach the unobtainable, to close in on your goal and be sucked away after gaining only a glimpse. Like the waves want to be part of the earth, be out in the sun but momentum sucks then back into the depths to be recycled. Thank you for reading!

[ArnoldtheRubberDucky]

Philosophically, this might have a few flaws, though I would be an idiot to mention them. You have a fully realized analogy here, and the words themselves are sonorous enough. I would encourage you not to lead your reader by the hand so much: the best poetry of this style is presented in a series of images or analogies which fuse together to form an intangible, frustrating idea (it's the very source of this frustration that makes poetry intriguing). It may seem ridiculous, but it's true that when a reader walks away from a poem completely and definitively understanding every line, the effect of the literature is virtually indistinguishable from clear, melodic prose. However, this is just my theory, and this is a very good poem, for what it is.

[A.marie.speaks]

Thank you for your insight! I struggle with creating effective imagery without being too in your face about it.. I wrote this about 11years ago and always felt it was a little underdeveloped. Thank you for reading and your honest opinions I really appreciate it!

[svarevska.anastasija]

like the repetition in your poem and how you compared people to waves. full of feelings, good write!

[A.marie.speaks]

thank you!